


The Pink and Silver Lining

by Kaleidoskye



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Canon Compliant, F/M, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 89,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27386338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaleidoskye/pseuds/Kaleidoskye
Summary: "Happiness  can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light". In the darkest war of all time, a little light and colour still endures. Through laughter, through friendship, and through the love of two people who never expected to find each other at all.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 15
Kudos: 46





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Canon compliant story of Remus and Tonks through the timeline of Deathly Hallows. Anything you recognise belongs to JK Rowling.

* * *

**Prologue**

**Before They Knew**

* * *

**September 1st 1972**

The scarlet steam engine made its slow, winding journey through the woods and fields to take its many hundreds of passengers back to Hogwarts for another academic year, as the four students in one of the compartments spread themselves out over the comfortable seats.

Remus Lupin looked up from the book he was reading, an amused crease in his forehead as he watched two of his best friends throwing several items from their trunks, attempting to find the food they had packed for the journey. They had not packed strategically at all, and clothes, shoes and spell books now covered the compartment floor. They had been on the train for little over half an hour and it already looked much like a bomb site. Remus was used to their mess, of course, having already lived with them for a year, but this seemed to surpass even their normal standards.

"You do know that we're only on this train for a few hours, don't you?" he joked.

Sirius just grinned over at his friend and was about to reply when the door to their compartment slid open, and all four of them turned to see a tall, slim, blond girl standing over them, a look of disdain spreading over her beautiful but haughty features. It might look like the disapproval was for the mess they had made of the compartment, but all four of them knew better. Narcissa Black had always reserved her most contemptuous looks for her rebellious cousin, and Sirius's eyes glittered provocatively at the sight of her.

"What do you want?" he asked brusquely, not troubling to remove the rudeness from his voice. "Still promising Mummy and Daddy that you'll keep an eye on me?"

Narcissa scowled down at him. "I gave up on you a while ago, Sirius," she snapped. "You're a lost cause. I was actually looking for your brother. I can't find him anywhere!"

"Avoiding you, is he?" James said, in a mock sympathetic tone. "Maybe it's the smell." He, Sirius and Peter burst into raucous laughter, while Remus, a little more reserved, just grinned and rolled his eyes at the childish joke.

"Very funny," Narcissa said, sounding anything but amused as she looked coldly to each of them in turn.

"Well, if he's avoiding you he must have more sense than I thought," Sirius added, not even attempting to speak in an undertone, and Narcissa narrowed her pale blue eyes at him.

"You want to watch it this year, Sirius," she warned. "Now that Lucius is Head Boy-"

"Yeah yeah, your boyfriend's in charge," James gave an exaggerated sigh. "Like we're scared!"

Remus looked between his best friends and the older girl and couldn't help feeling that they would do better not to antagonise her too much. Sirius and James may be the best students in their year, but Narcissa was a NEWT level pupil, a highly intelligent one at that and, although Sirius always refused to admit it, had quite a lot more skill than they did when it came to duelling. As for Lucius Malfoy who, as she had just pointed out, was to be Head Boy that year, he was equally able but twice as cruel. But none of that ever made any impression on Sirius and James, and they just sneered back at her. "Go on, what's he going to do to us then?" Sirius persisted in a singsong sort of voice, winking at James. Narcissa adopted a lofty tone of voice as she replied.

"You'll find out the hard way, I think," she said.

"Oooooh, will we?" Sirius and James imitated her high and mighty tone of voice and she tossed back her hair impatiently. "Honestly," she sniffed. "I don't know why I bother talking to you in the first place! I just hope Regulus has more sense!"

"Well go and find him then," James said pointedly. "We're not stopping you. We don't want you damaging your reputation, do we, mixing with us blood traitors and half-bloods?"

"Speaking of which, how is Andromeda?" Sirius enquired, the taunting look now back on his face. Narcissa's own face blackened even more.

"I wouldn't know!" she snapped. "She's no sister of mine anymore!" And with that she slammed the door shut and stalked off down the corridor with her nose in the air.

"What was that about?" Remus asked, turning to Sirius in confusion.

"You know her sister, Andromeda. My favourite cousin. Ran off last year to live with a muggle born?"

"Yeah, I think so." Remus did vaguely remember Sirius telling him about Andromeda, because he had actually had something good to say about her. She seemed to be the only member of his family he had any respect for at all.

"She and Ted are going to have a baby," Sirius's eyes sparkled wickedly. "Already five months along I think, and her parents just found out a few weeks ago. When my mum heard she blasted her off the family tree!"

"Surprised she hadn't done that already," James said, yawning as he lay down and stretched himself back out over three seats. They were all used to Sirius moaning about his parents' prejudiced views and, as he would frequently tell them, he would consider it a notable achievement if he too was unceremoniously removed from the Black tapestry one day.

"Oh I mean, they were none too happy with her when she ran off with Ted," Sirius conceded. "But I think they were holding out a vague hope that she would "come to her senses". Not now though!" He made a face and put on a crude imitation of his mother's snobbish tones. "There is no greater shame to the name of Black than dirtying our noble blood!"

He scowled viciously and muttered a stream of profanities under his breath that let them know exactly what he thought of his family's views on blood purity. Not that they didn't know already, of course.

"Something tells me you'll be "dirtying" the blood as well if you can!" Remus laughed.

"Yep!" Sirius said. "I'm marrying a muggleborn or I'm not marrying at all! And I'll be the first to visit Andromeda when she's had the baby! I might even offer to be their permanent babysitter. Any excuse to annoy my parents!"

Remus, very accustomed to Sirius ranting about ways to annoy his family, simply smiled patiently and returned to his book, the news of Andromeda's baby leaving his mind within a few minutes as he absorbed himself in the new charms they would be learning that year.

He didn't know. How could he possibly have known?

* * *

**February 3rd 1979**

"Nymphadora! Sirius is here!"

Hearing her mother's call, the six-year-old girl came bouncing joyfully down the stairs, her bright blue hair flying in all directions as she tripped over her trailing shoelaces and went lurching forwards. Luckily, Sirius was quick enough to catch her as she came tumbling down towards them.

Andromeda smiled at Sirius as he gave his young cousin a hug. Since he had finished school, he had become a regular visitor to the Tonks residence, and despite the fact she knew him to be a little bit rash and impulsive, she trusted him absolutely with her child's wellbeing, and was grateful that she could rely on him when her work called her away on urgent duty. It was hard to trust anyone at all in times like these, and there was no denying how well Sirius and Nymphadora got on. She just hoped that his troublemaking nature wouldn't rub off on her too much, as her daughter was already perfectly adept at causing trouble without further assistance.

Nymphadora continued to bounce around in excitement, knocking over a large china vase that stood on the sideboard in the hall. Her mother gave a deep sigh as Sirius, trying to hide a grin, pointed his wand at the pieces and joined them back together in an instant.

"Nymphie, dear, _do_ try and be a little more careful!" The girl had inherited her father's two left feet, which meant that the sounds of breaking china, deafening clatters and loud thumps were a regular occurrence in their house, but no amount of gentle reminders to pay more attention had managed to make an impression on her. Even now, she merely looked up at her mother and glowered.

"Don't call me Nymphie!" Her hair turned bright red as she stamped her foot, and Sirius chuckled.

"Got a bit of a temper, hasn't she?" he laughed, and Andromeda nodded. "Yes," she agreed. "I'd love to say that wasn't my fault but there's no point pretending she got it from Ted!" They both smiled as they reflected on Ted Tonks, so laid back he was practically horizontal and mild tempered to a fault. Then Andromeda looked up at the large grandfather clock in the corner of the hallway and, looking a little flustered, made towards the door.

"I hopefully won't be long too Sirius, thanks so much for this!" she said gratefully, grabbing her coat. "Ted is here, of course, but he has so much work to do, and with everything going on-"

"It's fine," Sirius assured her with a smile. "I'll keep her safe and occupied and we'll see you later!"

He was very fond of his young cousin, and thoroughly enjoyed the time spent with her, showing her magic tricks, telling her stories about his days at Hogwarts, answering her relentless questions as she grew ever more impatient to attend the school herself.

"When will I be able to go?" she asked crossly, that afternoon, as she watched Sirius produce several fireworks out of the end of his wand.

"In five years' time," Sirius told her. She asked the same question every time he was round. "It won't be long!"

She contemplated this, wrinkling her nose. "But that ages!" she protested, and Sirius supposed that it would seem like ages to a six-year-old, as it was almost her entire life once over again. But for him, the last five years – the last seven years, in fact - had passed in the blink of an eye, and he wasn't sure where all that time had gone.

"Will I have friends like your friends?" his cousin persisted. She loved hearing tales of the Marauders, although she was only told them on the condition that she wouldn't say a word about them to her mother. As well as they got on, Sirius wasn't sure Andromeda would be too thrilled about him passing on his mischief making habits to her beloved daughter.

"Oh, I should think so!" he replied confidently, as she continued to jump around between the furniture in the sitting room. Where she got her boundless energy from, he wasn't sure, but it was exhausting just watching her.

"I hope so!" She grinned as she leapt onto the sofa beside him, her hair, now bright pink, falling over her eyes. "I want a group of Marauders like yours!" Sirius just laughed. "I do!" she insisted. "Like James and Peter and-" she paused and screwed up her forehead, trying to remember the third name.

"Remus," Sirius supplied, and she nodded.

"Yeah. Remus. I knew that."

"Of course you did." Sirius laughed again but did not argue. Even at the tender age of six, the girl had a fierce determination and hated to be told she was wrong. She was part Black, after all. Some things would always run in their family.

"Remus," she said again, very firmly, no doubt trying to cement the information in her mind so that she wouldn't appear ignorant on the subject again, before jumping back up and resuming her energetic leaps all over the room.

She didn't know either. Why should she?


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Pink**

* * *

**7th August 1997**

Nymphadora Tonks opened her eyes and, even as they were still adjusting to the morning light streaming in through the little window of her room in her parents' house, became instantly aware of the presence of her sleeping husband beside her.

She knew now.

Or at least, she thought she did. She dared _hope_ that she did. Yet nothing had been able to fend off the tiny shards of worry that had been stabbing at her mind for the past forty-eight hours.

She hated herself for doubting him, but she couldn't help it. Remus was a wonderful man with a good heart - that was why she had fallen in love with him in the first place, but that didn't change the fact that he had walked out on her, abandoning both her and their unborn child in his panic and fear and misplaced sense of _duty_. It wasn't the first time he had tried to run, and although he had given her his word that it would be the last, she was still scared.

As she stared at the glowing rainbow stars that had been painted on her ceiling for as long as she could remember, despite her mother's frequent pleas that she let them refurbish her room to a more sophisticated and grown up style, Tonks replayed in her mind the conversation from two days previously. She and Remus had sat, side by side, on the bench at the end of the garden as he had tried to justify his reasons for leaving her, for _abandoning_ her, and as she tried to hold on to her resolve that she would not let him take her for granted, that she would not welcome him back instantly with open arms just because he apologised or said it had been a mistake. She had heard it all before, and the only way she could possibly let him come back was if, and only if, she could be certain that it was for good.

" _Please believe me_ ," _he said, trying to assure her that his panic had been on her behalf, and for their child, not for himself._

" _I do believe you_!" _And she did believe him. Completely. But that had never been the issue. His reasons for running had always been for her, not himself, but that didn't necessarily make it any better._

" _But honestly, Remus what were you thinking? That if you left then we would be fine? Because let me tell you something. Even without you, in the eyes of the Death Eaters this child_ _is the embodiment of everything they hate, everything they want to eliminate from this world - muggleborn and blood-traitor and freak! And you really thought that just because you weren't here, Bellatrix would leave us alone_?"

 _As she spoke she placed her hand on her stomach, as if to protect the tiny bundle of cells inside her that would one day, or so she hoped, grow up to be a culmination of herself and all the people she loved most in this world, her gentle father, her highly-principled mother and her wonderful, caring, unnecessarily and_ stupidly _noble husband._

 _"I know it was stupid. But I wasn't thinking properly. My mind was a mess_!"

" _Clearly_!"

_She couldn't stop the anger that bubbled up inside her._

" _This was_ my _decision to make, Remus! I chose to marry you. Do you think I didn't know what the consequences were going to be from these pure-blood maniacs I have to call relatives? When are you going to get it in to your thick head that I've accepted you for who you are, no matter what? That isolating yourself and running away is only going to make everything worse_?"

He had tried to assure her that he did understand that now, and he had sounded so sincere that she had desperately wanted to believe him. But there had been one doubt that she hadn't been able to shake. He had promised her. _Promised_ her. And she of all people knew how rarely he made promises, how aware he was of their weight, having been told long ago by his father that he should on no account make a promise if he wasn't certain that he'd be able to keep it.

" _You promised you'd come back!_ " Despite her desire to present a strong and dignified front, she had not been able to stop her voice shaking and her eyes filling with tears. " _And I've spent four days thinking you wouldn't_!"

Her stomach clenched miserably at the mere memory. Four days of sheer hell. Four days, during which she had stayed, shut up in her room, refusing company and only accepting meals for the sake of the child that she was soon to bring into the world, remembering her husband's vow that he would always, through the good times and the bad, be there for her, her eyes filling with tears every time she pictured the caring, devoted look in his eyes as he had said the words.

Had she been a fool to believe him? No doubt her parents thought as much, but she had avoided all contact with them after Remus's departure, so as not to give them the chance to say it. Hearing those words out loud would have made everything one hundred times worse. But she wasn't as much of a fool as people might think, and she was very determined not to stand for it again. If Remus wanted to be her husband, and her child's father, then something had to change, for good and for the better.

" _How can I be sure that this won't happen again?_ " _Her voice was stronger now, her resolve strengthened._ " _That next time you get scared it won't be four weeks...or four months? How do I know you'll even come back?_ "

" _Because I won't leave you at all_." _The definite tone to his voice halted her outburst, surprising her with his fierceness._

" _Dora, I have spent my whole life pushing everything away. Every chance I've ever had to be happy. I've never listened to what people have always tried to tell me. I honestly thought, until today, that everyone would just be better off if I left them alone._ "

_Almost automatically, she felt her eyes raise skywards. How many times had she heard that argument? When was Remus going to understand that none of the people who truly cared about him, least of all his own wife, were going to appreciate him disappearing from their lives?_

_"But I don't think that anymore_ ," _he pressed on._ " _I- I get it now. And finally… everything people have been saying to me...it makes sense_!"

_Suddenly, she had no reply. It wasn't_ _what_ _he was saying, rather how he was saying it. Raw emotion had replaced the calm tact that Remus habitually displayed, and as he continued to speak she couldn't help but believe every word he said._

_"I mean to keep those promises I made,"_ _he said to her, reaching out and taking her hand_. _"I'm not going to run away again. I am going to stay with you, and protect you, and care for you, and raise our child with you. Please, just give me one more chance to prove it."_

And although she had wanted, for a split second, to say no, to say that it was too late, that she couldn't trust him completely and that she could not risk not putting herself and their future child through the uncertainty and heartbreak of a potentially absent father, the words had not come, and as his soft eyes bore into hers, glinting slightly with suppressed emotion, he uttered the final word again.

_"Please."_

The hoarse break in his voice had nearly broken her heart as well. And so she had granted him the benefit of the doubt and let the relief that he was home overwhelm her, knowing that it meant she would not have to spend that night lonely and miserable, but could instead spend it in the arms of the man who she loved in spite of his mistakes, the man whose child was steadily growing inside her, the man whose life was now intricately and irreversibly bound with her own, whether she tried to turn him away or not.

Nevertheless, two days later, as she lay awake and watched the sun break through the grey haze of dawn and turn the sky to a light, pinkish purple, she could not deny that she was still worried. She couldn't help it. How could she be _sure_ that it wasn't going to happen again?

As if in answer to her question, Remus stirred beside her, still half asleep, and reached out an arm to pull her towards him. Tonks relaxed a little as the warm, familiar arms wrapped around her currently slim but soon to be growing body and they lay in complete silence for a long time.

"I love you." It was an indistinct, muffled murmur, but it was enough, and she turned, pressing herself against him, in that moment forgetting her doubts in the relief that he was there.

"I love you too."

His arms were strong, his body warm, his presence so real. How could she possibly doubt him?

* * *

**17** **th** **August 1997**

The inconsistent emotions merged into a pattern over the following couple of weeks. In the light of day, when she was awake and when Remus was so permanently kind, loving, and attentive, her reasons for doubting him melted into nothing, replaced by the certitude that he really was by her side through thick and thin, no matter how hard the obstacles that lay ahead of them. But at night, when she, as light a sleeper as she was, sometimes awoke to the sound of the wind in the trees, or a howl in the distance, and would lie there trying but failing to go back to sleep, the fear would kick in again, leaving her powerless to eradicate it.

It didn't help that they were still staying with her parents. Her father had pleaded and then her mother had insisted, given that their own place, the little flat that Tonks had called home for the past five years, was situated in an area currently overridden with both Death Eater and dementors, with attacks ever on the rise. Reluctant as she was to stay with her parents longer than she could help, there had been little other option for the time being. But it was hard. Neither Ted nor Andromeda had been impressed with the way Remus had vanished, sending no word nor sign for the best part of a week, and while Ted's attitude had thawed remarkably quickly upon his return, Andromeda was still maintaining a frosty demeanour whenever she spoke to her son-in-law, making it doubly difficult for Tonks to forget her worries.

"What is it?" Remus asked her quietly, one evening as she stared out the window, pondering the issue. She turned, shaken out of her reverie, and forced a smile on her face, but it stretched into a genuine grin as she watched Remus pull on one of his smartest shirts for their weekly Sunday dinner. He was fighting an uphill battle, trying to win over his formidable mother-in-law, but her resistance was only making him redouble his efforts. Tonks felt a sudden surge of fondness in her chest as she crossed the room to stand in front of him.

"Nothing, why?"

"The tips of your hair always go pale pink when you're worrying about something." A crease of concern split his tired but gentle face.

He was right, they did. Unless she was making the utmost effort to conceal it, and she had been too preoccupied with her thoughts at that present moment in time. She cursed her gift at times. As useful as it could be, it had also given away her true feelings more times than she liked to count.

"Damn hair," she muttered. "Did I ever tell you about the time I accidentally transfigured McGonagall's glasses into doughnuts in my third year? I was really hungry and I wasn't concentrating and so I accidentally did the wrong spell. In the wrong direction."

"Yes, you did," Remus laughed suddenly and she was struck by the sudden thought that he looked so carefree, and in spite of the evident tiredness, younger than he had looked in a long time. It was pleasant to witness, but also, for a reason she couldn't quite pinpoint, odd. "You kept quiet and feigned ignorance, but your hair turned bright red and gave you away." He grinned again, and the feeling of slight unease increased. No, unease was too strong a word, but something was definitely different about him that evening. Unusual.

"But you changed the subject," Remus continued, more seriously. "What's wrong?"

She hesitated. Part of her wanted to confront him, and talk to him, just to gain a little more reassurance that he still meant what he had said two weeks before, but her pride prevented her from revealing her insecurities. She had accepted his return and that was that. She would just have to wait until the worries faded of their own accord.

"Nothing really. Just thinking about...everything."

He looked unconvinced but accepted the vague explanation without question and merely pulled her towards him and planted a soft kiss on her forehead before taking her hand and leading her downstairs to the dining room.

Something was still not quite right about his infallible good mood that evening, something strange about the beaming smile he bestowed on Ted and Andromeda as they entered the kitchen and the courteous tone that he adopted despite her mother's tight grimace in return; something different about the voice that asked, with such politeness and warmth, if they needed any help preparing the dinner. Why it was odd, she still could not fathom. After all, Remus had always been warm, polite, and - in recent weeks at least - cheerful and pleasant company.

It was only as they were about to sit down for dinner and she went to shut the curtains in the dining room and looked up at the darkening sky, that it dawned on her. The full moon was tomorrow night. How could she have forgotten? She had known it was approaching, of course, but it would be the very next evening. She could see it now, an almost – but not quite – perfectly formed orb hanging in the sky, one that, in twenty-four hours' time, would bring about the physical change in her husband that he always dreaded, and that she, if possible, dreaded even more.

And that was precisely what was strange about his attitude that evening, she realised, still staring up at the sky. She knew Remus well enough by now to know the change that the approach of the full moon normally brought about in him. Moods, silence, a pained expression, a refusal to communicate with anyone and a blatant desire to escape from all human company whenever possible. There had never been anything she could do about it. Sirius had told her as much just three weeks after her initiation into the Order of the Phoenix.

" _You get used to it_ ," _he assured her quietly, noticing her visible distress as Remus excused himself early from the dinner table and left the room, having not said a word all evening, his face pale and head slightly bowed._ " _He'll be fine after the full moon. It just... takes its toll, I suppose_."

" _So he's always been like that_?" _Tonks was suddenly eager to find out more about the man who, even then, had intrigued her with his mild manners and kindly demeanour._

 _Sirius nodded_. " _Every month. Nothing can get through to him, you just accept it after a while. Trying to have a normal conversation with Remus in the run up to the full moon is more difficult than getting Kreacher to clean this bloody kitchen._ "

 _She forced a laugh, but her thoughts remained fixed on the man now alone in his room upstairs in Grimmauld place and her heart went out to him._ " _Even when you were at school?_ "

 _Sirius merely shrugged_. " _It wasn't always as noticeable, there were more things to take his mind off it. But yes, even then, he could be moody as hell, and more often than not we would just piss him off even more by trying to cheer him up. We left it to Lily in later years, she was better at it than we were. Used to say James and I were tactless._ "

 _She snorted in sarcastic amusement._ " _You? Tactless? Don't be ridiculous!_ "

 _Sirius just raised an eyebrow._ " _Well_ , _I believe it's a family trait_ _,_ _" he informed her dryly. "_ _I'd like to see you talk Remus out of a bad mood one of these days!_ "

" _Well, maybe I'll accept that challenge_ _!" she retorted._

_Sirius just smiled, a knowing and vaguely smug expression suddenly written over his haunted but still handsome face._

Tonks turned away from the window and refocused her attention on her husband and her parents taking their places at the dinner table, trying to dislodge the sudden ache in her chest, a reminder that the pain of losing her favourite cousin would never fully leave her. She felt her eyebrows knot as she saw Remus laugh at a joke her father had just made, his face broken into a wide and genuine smile. Of course, he could simply be trying to make a good impression, to continue repairing the damage he had done to her parents' estimation of him when he had run away. And yet… there was something so sincere about his smile, something so warm about the sparkle in his brown eyes as she sat down next to him and he put a gentle hand on her leg, his eyebrows still furrowed in vaguely suspicious concern for her wellbeing. She smiled back and gave him an almost imperceptible nod to assure him that she was fine. Which she was. More than fine. But there was no denying that his attitude was strange. Unprecedented, even.

She watched him intently all evening, trying to catch a glimpse of the pained expression that she had seen many a time before on his face, but even in moments of silence, or moments where her parents were not in the room, he remained smiling and attentive, the only signs of the approaching full moon being a slightly pale face and a more evident weariness in his movements as they helped clear the table and headed upstairs.

She was still watching him half an hour later, as he took his mug of steaming wolfsbane potion with an almost completely concealed grimace, and came to sit down next to her on the bed, pulling her into a tight embrace and kissing the top of her head as she buried her face in his chest and breathed in the familiar scent.

Normally, she hated these nights, these hours spent prior to the full moon. It wasn't just the knowledge that the following night would inevitably be spend apart, it was also his attitude, his distant expression, his forced smile as he gave her a loving but guarded kiss before lying down and turning his back to her, his shoulders hunched, refusing to let her even put her arms around them. How many a time had she lain there sadly, well aware that Remus was probably feigning sleep too, wishing with all her heart that he would let her help him and counting down the hours until the moon began to wane again.

So it normally was. Yet tonight here he sat in front of her, smiling as he ran a strong but soft hand through her currently purple curly hair and pressed his lips against her own, his eyes - unless she was very much mistaken - betraying a playful spark as he pulled her even closer to him.

*******

"What changed?" She said abruptly, an hour later, when there was room again in her mind for such thoughts and they were lying, entwined, in the dim light of the bright moon that was filtering in through the curtains.

"What do you mean?" he said slowly, but his tone was guarded, and she guessed he knew exactly what she meant but was playing for time.

"Only that..." she hesitated. "You've changed," she faltered. "I mean... I know you changed your mind when you came back, but it's more than that. It's the full moon tomorrow, and yet..." she trailed off again. She really was making a mess of this, but she had started now, so she might as well try and drag out what she could and attempt to get the reassurance she had been craving since his return to her.

"I was scared," she said, finally. "I couldn't help it. I was scared that you'd panic again when the full moon came around, that you might leave. But after seeing you tonight, given… the circumstances… it seems like something really has changed. For good."

There was a silence and Tonks wondered if she should have held her tongue. It was the first time since his return that either of them had made any reference to it, and maybe it should have stayed that way, a mistake buried in the past. Then Remus spoke again, his voice heavy but with no trace of annoyance for her question.

"Dora, I know that you had every right to lose your trust in me."

"It's not that... I haven't!" she protested at once.

"Well, many people would argue that you should have done," he murmured, lifting his hand to brush a few stray curls out of her eyes. She closed them at the familiar touch, lulled by the calmness of his voice.

"But I'm so grateful that you gave me another chance. I know it was more than I deserved." Her eyes snapped open and she made a second noise of protest, but he did not let her speak.

"It was a _lot_ more than I deserved," he insisted firmly. "You could have turned me away and no one would have blamed you. I am so, so glad that you didn't. But coming that close to it has made me see what I stood to lose, and how much of my life I have wasted worrying and moping and feeling sorry for myself."

"You had good reason-" But he cut her off again.

"No, I didn't," he said stubbornly. "We all have issues we have to deal with. Mine just occur at regular monthly intervals, that's all. And it's high time I just accepted that."

Tonks stared at her husband, suddenly wanting to argue. No matter what he said, she felt that he had far more issues to deal with than she had, far more issues than a lot of people. It wasn't just the pain and difficulties brought about each full moon. He had suffered so much loss, in both wars, and so much prejudice and hate throughout his whole life. Yet she understood, just by his tone of voice, that Remus did not want her pity, and in that moment, she knew she would be doing him a dishonour by trying to offer it to him.

"So if you think I've changed, I'm glad," he finished, and even in the low light she could see the smile had returned to his face. "Because something needed to. And it should have happened a long time ago."

"Well if you put it like that, I'm glad it didn't," she joked, the weight that she had been increasingly aware of recently suddenly lifted from her chest. "Otherwise someone else might have won you round before I got a chance!"

He laughed too. "No," he said softly. For a moment she thought he might add to it, but he didn't. He just pulled her closer and held her, and she felt sleep instantly trying to creep up on her.

"Only you, Dora." She was only dimly aware of the words as her eyelids grew heavy and sleep crashed over her. But it was the reassurance she needed, and although she woke up that night to the sound of an owl hooting outside the window, the worry of the past two weeks did not return and the only weight on her chest was that of Remus's hand, maintaining contact with her even as he slept peacefully.

She knew now. And more importantly, so did he.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Silver**

* * *

**1** **st** **September 1997**

Convincing your parents-in-law that you were good enough for their only daughter was a difficult challenge at the best of times. But when you had run away for the best part of a week and come very close to abandoning her for good, it was almost impossible. And while Ted Tonks was about as laid back as a person could be and was now acting as though nothing had happened at all, Andromeda Tonks, née Black, was another matter. As highly-principled as her two sisters were prejudiced, her formidable presence had scared many of her daughter's friends and boyfriends over the years, but Tonks had never known anyone to be met with quite such a relentless onslaught of coldness as Remus had since his return home. Several weeks later, Andromeda's demeanour remained glacial, and did not look as though it were about the thaw any time soon.

On the one hand, Tonks had to admire her husband, for most men would have refused to tolerate her mother's behaviour towards them. She loved that he was not confrontational and adored him for persevering in his polite and mild-mannered way. On the other hand, she was deeply indignant on his behalf, and couldn't help but wish that he would defend himself from time to time.

She watched one evening as Andromeda brushed away Remus's offer to clear the table with a dismissive wave of her hand, carrying the plates through to the kitchen herself. Remus lowered his eyes to the table in a resigned sort of manner and Tonks felt torn between sympathy for his predicament, irritation at her mother's rudeness, and amusement at the sight of her husband sitting like a chastened school boy. Raising her own eyes skyward, she picked up the one remaining vegetable dish and followed her mother into the kitchen.

"Can't you give him a break, Mum?" Even her first attempt at staying calm came out more heated that she had intended, and she instantly sensed an argument coming on. It had been a long time since she had had any sort of disagreement with her mother. Her rebellious teenage streak, during which the tears and tantrums had occurred on a regular basis, had ended soon after she had received her unexpectedly good OWL results and been able to take all the Auror relevant NEWT subjects. Having acknowledged that being forced to stay home and work occasionally rather than partying all night with her friends did have some benefits, she and her mother had settled into an increasingly amicable relationship over the following years. This had been further heightened after she moved into her own flat and discovered that being able to _choose_ when she saw her mother greatly improved their relationship. No doubt their constant and unavoidable proximity for the first time in six years was a contributing factor to her current loss of patience, but she had never had time for long lasting grudges, particularly not during difficult times, and certainly not when they were directed at someone she loved.

"He hurt you," Andromeda said stiffly, not looking up from the cutlery that she was currently charming clean with her wand. "Not for the first time, either. Do you think I don't remember the state you were in last Christmas?"

Tonks sighed in irritation. Most of their friends – to her sincere relief - seemed to have forgotten the miserable state of depression she had worked herself up into last year, or at least recognised that she preferred it not to be discussed. Her mother, predictably, had done neither, and she was now heartily wishing she had stayed well away from her parents during that time. It was so rare that she showed them any outward signs of weakness at all, and she knew that her mother had been shocked by her mousy appearance and miserable attitude, doubly so when she had learned that it was all because of a _man_. Her headstrong, independent daughter had never before shown more than a fleeting, amused interest in any sort of romantic relationship.

And unfortunately, said man was now having to bear the brunt of the damage she had inadvertently caused him in her mother's eyes.

"He's a good man," she tried again. "Everyone makes mistakes. And he's doing everything he can to make up for his!"

"Hmm." Her mother made no further reply, but her silence only served to irritate Tonks even more.

"You know he thinks it's because of what he is? That you're ashamed to have a werewolf for a son-in-law?"

She saw her mother draw herself up proudly and knew she had touched a nerve. Andromeda may not have been overly thrilled at the thought of what marrying a werewolf might do to her daughter's social and professional prospects, but she did not resent Remus for his affliction in itself. She could never bear the idea that people might think she had followed in her parents' and relatives' footsteps and preserved the Black family tradition of despising all but the "purest" of beings.

"That is neither here nor there," she said, her voice even colder. "And you know that perfectly well, Nymphadora." Tonks scowled at the use of her least preferred name. It made her feel like a six-year-old again and gave her a very strong desire to stamp her foot, despite the fact she knew her mother to be right.

"But lack of loyalty is another matter," her mother pressed on. "He essentially abandoned you and your child, and I find that hard to forgive."

"But he came back!" Tonks tried unsuccessfully to repress the renewed surge of irritation that bubbled up inside her. "It was four days… It's not like he was gone for months! And anyway, it isn't for you to forgive. It was my decision to take him back and you need to accept that!"

"I do," her mother said. The simple reply caught Tonks off guard and for once, she could not find a suitable retort.

"Yes," Andromeda nodded, looking her daughter directly in the eye at last. "I have never tried to dissuade you from being with Remus, I hope you will have noticed, despite the fact that your marriage has possibly ruined your career, and his irresponsible attitude previously had grave consequences on your health. I can see that despite everything that has happened he makes you very happy, and I accept that this is your choice and yours alone. But it will take time for him to prove himself in my eyes, I'm afraid. And that, Nymphadora, is something that _you_ will have to accept. I find it extremely hard to trust those who hurt my family."

Tonks knew that the instant retort that sprung to mind was a taboo subject and quite uncalled for, given her mother's fairly reasonable speech, but anger and the irrational desire to have an argument caused it to burst force from her lips.

 **"** Yes, well most of your family are scum. Maybe you should concentrate on being happy that I didn't marry a Death Eater!"

She didn't pause to see her mother's reaction, and stormed upstairs.

*******

"You really shouldn't have said that," Remus told her, a few minutes later, after she had burst into the bedroom and recounted what had happened.

"I don't care." She glowered. "What right does she have to have to say things like that? _It will take a while for him to prove himself in my eyes._ It's MY eyes that matter, not hers."

"She's just looking out for you," Remus said. "Most mothers would be the same, you know."

"You're defending her? After how rude she is to you?"

"She isn't usually rude," Remus replied fairly. "Just guarded and not particularly friendly."

Tonks glared moodily down at the floor, aware that her previously white blond curls were turning black, so great was her fury. But she didn't care.

"Can't you just stop being so bloody diplomatic and take my side for once," she growled, and Remus burst out laughing.

"What?" she said, raising her head to glare at him instead.

"You look just like Sirius in a bad mood," he chuckled, gazing at her with unmistakeable fondness. "Sound like him too, come to that." But she did not join in his amusement.

"Dora, come on," he said, his laughter fading to a more serious tone of voice. He moved towards her and as he took her hands in his she could only be calmed by the warmth of the touch and the feel of his fingers curling round her own. "Your mother isn't just being difficult for the sake of it. You just said yourself that she accepts your choice. But you are her only child and it's natural for her to be wary. I _did_ treat you badly, and not everyone is as forgiving as you were. It's going to take time for me to prove to her that I'm better than her first impressions of me, and that is fair. It's only as much as I deserve."

" _I'll_ be the judge of what you deserve," she grumbled, but her anger was abating. Remus never failed to calm her. He was the rock on which the waves of her tempestuous nature crashed with such force, before fading into nothing.

"Will you now?" he said, grinning. "Well, perhaps you could be the judge of what I deserve right now, and rule that I have been very well behaved recently and that my reward should be an evening of pleasant company with my wife, without the worry that she will bite my head off or murder me with a single glare?"

Tonks couldn't help it. She laughed too.

* * *

**3rd September 1997**

Although, to their shared surprise, Andromeda's coldness did in fact abate slightly over the days the followed her disagreement with Tonks, it still did not look like she and Remus were going to be close friends any time soon, and it came as a welcome relief, two days later, when Tonks came into the bedroom with a reason to leave the house.

"We've been invited to Bill and Fleur's new place tonight," she informed him. "For dinner."

Remus felt his face break into a wide smile. He had hardly seen any of the Weasleys since the day of the wedding, where he had been so preoccupied with his own morose thoughts that he had not been able to appreciate their cheerful and pleasant company. Then of course, Kingsley's patronus had arrived, sending everything into a heightened state of panic. They had had very little contact with them since and the thought of seeing their faces instantly warmed his heart. Monotony had already overwhelmed their daily routine and he and Tonks both missed the rush of adrenalin, not to mention the feeling of warmth and solidarity, that was brought on by seeing the other members of the Order.

"Bill just sent me a patronus," she went on. "Apparently Molly's been very down since Ron left, especially with Bill moving out. Then Ginny went off to school on Monday. And they think that the Burrow's still being watched."

"Poor Molly," Remus sighed. He was hugely fond of Molly Weasley, and it seemed so unfair that on top of dealing with the many worries about each and every one of her seven children, she could now not even feel safe in her own home.

"Bill thinks that getting out of the house will be good for her."

Remus could only agree. It would be good for them too.

*******

When they arrived at Shell Cottage that evening, they were greeted warmly by Bill, who met them at the outskirts of the protective charms and led them up a beautifully paved garden path towards the oak front door.

"Just to warn you, Mum's in a bit of a state," Bill murmured, as he turned to shut the garden gate and raised his wand to ensure the protective enchantments were still in place.

"Why?"

The young man hesitated, casting a cautious glance over his shoulder even though there was no one in sight or earshot for miles.

"Are you getting the Daily Prophet at the moment?"

"No, my parents refuse on principle," Tonks replied. "They get the Quibbler instead, believe it or not. Dad's become an avid fan!"

"Yes, Fleur and Mum are of the same opinion actually," Bill nodded. "But Dad still brings the Prophet home from work. Says it's important to know what it's saying so we can try and get an idea of how many lies the enemy is telling."

"Any luck?"

Bill hesitated again. "Well, it's quite interesting as it happens. But probably best to let Dad explain. He knows the story better than me!"

Sure enough, they entered the kitchen to find Molly looking flustered and Arthur and the twins sitting at the table engrossed in a Daily Prophet, while Fleur, a worried crease in her otherwise beautifully smooth forehead, nevertheless presented a calm front as she breezed around the room, setting various utensils to work with a mere flick of her wand, her silvery hair rippling down her back. Molly rushed towards them and gave them both a hug.

"It's lovely to see you dears," she said, a little breathlessly, as Arthur got up, looking tired but still smiling, to greet them as well.

"So what's going on?" Tonks enquired, once they had said hello to everyone. Remus felt a sudden tug of sadness. She looked so focused and driven, as she always did when there was a mission to be completed or a mystery to be solved. She had stopped going to work just after their wedding, on Kingsley's advice that the Ministry was too dangerous a place for the wife of a werewolf, and he could tell that she missed it greatly at times. But he banished the thought from his mind as quickly as he could. She had made the sacrifice willingly, and he could only accept and be grateful for that. Fred and George pulled up some chairs and as the two of them sat down, he caught a glimpse of the headline that they were poring over.

**FAILED ATTEMPT AT TRESPASS ON MINISTRY PREMISES**

_Yesterday morning, the Ministry of Magic's ever tightening security measures were put to the test, as three intruders tried to infiltrate within the walls of the establishment. It is believed that it was a feeble attempt to liberate the Muggle-born witches and wizards, on trial for suspected theft of magical ability, who were being held in a secure location to ensure that they presented no further threat to our magical community._

_Clearly unprepared for the might of the Ministry, the unsuspecting individuals were trapped and confronted within minutes of their entry onto the premises, while their attempt to resist capture proved futile and only served to inflict further harm on themselves. Assuming that they recover at all from the serious injuries procured from their struggle, the three of them will be tried and undoubtedly subjected to the mercy of the dementors for trespassing and ill intent._

_"_ _It was a highly foolish move," Albert Runcorn, Chief Administrator of the newly instated Muggle-born Trial Act says. "Our security measures are tighter than ever and even our weakest acts of protection cannot be breached by those who have no right to be here."_

_Fortunately, valuable information has been recovered by Avon Yaxley, Head of Magical Law Enforcement, on the whereabouts of the intruders' origin, and a thorough investigation is being carried out to ensure that no further attempts at trespass, ineffective though they are, will occur._

_"_ _We take the security of our workers, and indeed the magical blood of our community, very seriously, in times like these," Yaxley confirms. "This sort of thing cannot and will not be taken lightly."_

_The Muggle-borns mentioned above have been proven guilty of their crimes and punished accordingly. For more information on the Muggle-born Registration Commission and the Muggle-born Trial Act, see p3._

Remus finished the article and looked up in confusion. "Ok..." he said slowly. "I'm confused."

"Unsurprising," Arthur said, looking grim. "I did not understand it myself when I read it today, having heard rumours of a very different set of events, but I was fortunate enough to speak with Kinglsey this afternoon before I left work. His information proves that article to be a very twisted version of what actually happened. There were indeed intruders in the ministry yesterday, but they were not caught, nor were they even injured, as far as we know. Furthermore, the Muggle-borns on trial that day were in fact all released, and none so far have even been traced, let alone tried and convicted. As for Yaxley, he was found wandering in Central London last night, completely disorientated and unsure as to how he had got there."

Remus found that he was hanging on to every word. They had had so little contact with the outside world in recent weeks, and although they had received news from various sources, it was not the same as discussing it in depth with the other members of the Order, the only people who truly understood their own mindset, their desire not just to keep their heads down and stay safe, but to know the truth about the terrible things that were going on and actually contribute to resisting them.

"They found Mafalda Hopkirk's body stunned, just outside one of the entrances to the Ministry, in the early hours of the afternoon. She had no recollections beyond leaving the house that morning."

"What does that have to do with -" Tonks began.

"Ah, wait for the best bit," George chided her, and she obediently fell silent, her eyes fixed on Arthur's unusually serious face.

"Mafalda was in seen by numerous people in the Ministry first thing that morning," Arthur continued. "As was Reg Cattermole, who in actual fact turned up several hours late having recovered from an inexplicable stomach upset, _and_ Albert Runcorn who, it transpires today, was not at the Ministry at all yesterday, rather at an emergency appointment in St Mungo's with an incurable nosebleed."

Two perplexed expressions stared back at him. "So you're saying... that they were impersonated?"

"Something else that is omitted from the article," Arthur went on with a nod. "I saw who I believed to be Reg and Runcorn myself that morning. I even spoke to both of them. That afternoon I spoke to Reg again, and he assures me that he was at home for the best part of the morning, unable to even stand up straight. When he recovered – miraculously quickly, by the sounds of it - he returned immediately to the Ministry, as his wife Mary was under questioning. Once there," Arthur gave a humourless and disbelieving laugh, "he found her with… well, with himself! He was still in a state of shock when I spoke to him, poor chap. Fled the Ministry soon after as well, so I'm glad I got the chance to see him before he left. He'll be out of the country by now."

"We have a few thoughts ourselves about this," Fred said. "We're particularly interested in the persistent vomiting and incurable nosebleed."

"What do you mean?"

"The boys have a wild theory," Molly sighed dismissively. "A completely ridiculous one at that! Why don't we eat soon?" she pleaded, but her attempt to change the subject was ignored, everyone's attention fixed on the twins.

"Wild maybe, but ridiculous no," Fred said, for once looking serious. "In fact, it makes perfect sense."

"When Dad told us the story earlier, Fred joked that it sounded like Cattermole and Runcorn had been at our skiving snackboxes," George broke in with a lopsided grin. "Yes, I know you think it's crazy," he added patiently, forestalling his mother's attempt at further protest. "And like I said, it was just a joke at first. But when you think about it, it's not actually as ridiculous as it sounds."

"But...aren't they your sweets that get you out of lessons?" Tonks looked bemused.

"Yep," George replied. "But we've also found they come in useful if you need to get someone out of the way for a while! Just slip them a sweet and without the antidote they'll be incapacitated for several hours at least. Aannd, it just so happens that we gave all our remaining stock of them to a dear brother of ours and his two best friends before they disappeared off into the unknown."

"We also know," Fred finished, somewhat dramatically, "that they were in possession of an entire vat of Polyjuice potion, courtesy of Mad-Eye Moody!" He shot a sheepish glance at his mother and her lips pursed, but she did not offer a reply.

Comprehension suddenly dawned on Remus and he felt his jaw drop.

"You think it was _Harry_? And Ron and Hermione?"

"Spot on."

Tonks looked equally gobsmacked. "So…you're saying they impersonated Ministry officials and infiltrated the Ministry? But how on earth..." She trailed off, looking highly impressed by the audacity of the idea.

Fred gave her an unusually serious look. "This is Harry Potter we're talking about," he said. "He's not exactly one for staying out of trouble, is he? And Hermione, for all we used to make fun of her being a bookworm, is probably the cleverest person I know. Between the two of them I can see them outsmarting those idiots at the Ministry any day of the week. Even Ron has more brains than a lot of them!"

Tonks smiled weakly, but Arthur was still looking serious.

"If Fred and George's theory is right and it was them, then it is a remarkable achievement, one that the Ministry, as you can see, is very keen to downplay and prevent from happening again. The article makes the intruders look foolish and unprepared, walking directly into a trap that instantly caught them out. But for those people who know – or suspect - the true story, it is a very different series of events. They infiltrated smoothly, for all we know did precisely what they came to do, before escaping under the noses of at least twenty security guards, not to mention freeing the dozens of Muggle-borns who were on trial that day and inflicting some pretty powerful magic on Yaxley in the process."

"But why on earth would they break into the Ministry in the first place?" Remus said. Half of him wanted to believe that what Arthur and the twins were saying was true, but the other half couldn't help agreeing with Molly, and thinking that the whole thing sounded far too ridiculous to be plausible. "It's about the most dangerous place in the world for them to be right now!"

"Yes," Arthur agreed. "That is what makes no sense to me either. I cannot believe that it was simply an act of rebellion. The Ministry is, as you say, the very last place they should have been, given Harry's position as _Undesirable Number One_."

"And Hermione's blood status," Remus added. He suddenly felt a pang of sadness as he remembered thirteen-year-old Hermione Granger bobbing up and down in class, the picture of a model pupil, desperate to answer his question about Boggarts. Who could have predicted then that she would be openly defying the highest-ranking wizards of the country only four years later?

"They're children!" Molly exclaimed in despair, as if she had read his mind. Even she had been listening intently to the unravelling of proceedings, but now she lifted her head from the paper in front of her, looking desolate. "It can't possibly have been them Arthur! Three children breaking into the Ministry of Magic? It's just absurd."

"But they are _not_ children anymore, Molly," her husband countered. He sounded very weary. "They haven't been children for a long time. They are young adults now, who have been forced to grow up much too fast. And, if our suspicions are right, they are now dedicating their lives to fighting for a better world in which a new generation of children will not have to endure the same fate. We have to respect that."

"You should be proud, Molly," Tonks said, in earnest. "They must have had a serious reason to do it, and as Arthur just said, if it _was_ them what an incredible achievement!"

"Yes well," Molly stood up, her denial untarnished by what Remus had considered to be a fairly convincing argument from her husband and sons. "There's absolutely no proof that it _was_ them. None at all! Now, let's eat!"

"The food is ready," Fleur acknowledged quietly from behind them, and Molly beamed at her in gratitude. The rest of them allowed her to change the subject and it was not broached out loud again, but many meaningful looks were passed between them as they all squeezed round the kitchen table with difficulty. Tonks glanced up at Remus and he smiled suddenly at the determined glow that was radiating from her face. As overwhelming and bewildering as the news was, this fresh sign that their young allies may well be alive, active and fighting was an encouraging one, giving them both a renewed surge of energy that had been sorely needed over the past couple of weeks.

"Wine dear?" Molly asked, offering the bottle to Tonks.

"Um, no thanks, Molly." She ducked her head as Remus shot a glance sideways at her. They had not properly discussed whether they would be sharing the news of her pregnancy just yet, and he was curious as to how she was going to play this one. Tonks was never normally one to refuse a glass of wine.

"That's not like you, Tonks!" Bill exclaimed, raising an eyebrow. "You're normally the one finishing the bottle and opening the next one!"

"Ah yes, as we learnt from the famous New Year of 1996," Fred teased, as he poured himself a generous glass. "I remember it well."

"Unlike yourself, I would imagine," George continued, also laughing. "Although you may recall waking up in the morning on the floor of the kitchen to find Kreacher poking you with a broomstick handle!"

Remus's mouth twitched in amusement as he watched Tonks shrug unconcernedly. "Ah, maybe that wasn't my best moment," she conceded.

"Oh, on the contrary!" Fred replied. "I think your rendition of The Weird Sisters' _This is the Night_ was one of the finest moments I have ever witnessed from anyone!"

"Matched only by your attempt to get a certain someone to accompany you to your room," George added, winking at Remus, who felt his cheeks going red at the memory. "Before you tried to go upstairs yourself and walked smack into the door frame."

Everyone laughed at this, and Remus saw that even his normally unblushing wife had also turned rather pink.

"Leave her alone, boys," Molly chided. "A little fun never hurt anyone. But good for you, Tonks - abstinence _can_ do wonders for your health, after all!"

"Err, yes Molly," Tonks replied meekly. She looked as if she was going to leave it there, but then she caught Remus's eye and a look of instant agreement passed between them. The Weasleys were as good as family, after all, and there was no doubt that everyone would be thrilled at the news. Heaven knew, they all needed a bit of cheering up at the moment, particularly Molly.

"Well, while we're on the subject, it's actually a bit more than that," she continued, after a second's hesitation. "We… have some news." Six faces turned expectantly towards her, their expressions that of dawning comprehension as they guessed what was coming but waited eagerly for the confirmation.

"It is still early days," Tonks said. "So we haven't told many people, but, well-" she reached out to clasp her husband's hand and Remus held it tightly. "Remus and I are going to have a baby."

Delighted exclamations came from all round the table and any last shreds of doubts that they shouldn't be telling people yet instantly vanished from Remus's mind. The atmosphere was suddenly ten times lighter than it had been two minutes before, and Molly in particular looked radiant, far happier than she had all evening. She sprang to her feet and squeezed round the table to give them both a hug.

"How absolutely _wonderful_!" She looked close to tears as she released Tonks and turned to Remus. "I'm so, _so_ happy for you," she whispered in his ear, and Remus felt a deep surge of emotion at the genuine delight in her voice as he returned the embrace.

"Congratulations!" Bill said, reaching over to Remus, who was nearest, and clapping him on the shoulder, while Fleur beamed at Tonks and kissed her on both cheeks.

"We'll babysit!" George and Fred offered in unison.

"I'm not sure that's the best idea," Molly sighed, sitting back down. "The last thing Tonks and Remus need is your influence. I don't think they want their child causing havoc from the very moment it's born!"

"I think this baby will be quite capable of causing havoc anyway Mum, to be honest," Bill laughed. "What with Tonks for a mother..."

"…And one of the great Marauders for a father," Fred finished, inclining his head towards Remus in a mock serious bow. When he and George had found out, in the Christmas holidays of their final year, that their old professor was none other than one of the founders of the map that had made such an impact on their younger years at school, they had been highly impressed, treating him with an awe-filled attitude that bordered on reverence ever since.

"You can babysit," Tonks promised. "Just... no explosives for the first few years, yeah?"

The twins consented with reluctant nods. "I guess we can deal with that," George said.

"Well, that'll already make you better babysitters than Sirius was to Harry," Remus told them. "I seem to remember him turning up at Godric's Hollow one evening with exploding snap. Harry was two months old at the time - I'm amazed he grew up with eyebrows!"

They all laughed, and the talk of the Ministry was temporarily forgotten amidst much light-hearted joking about days gone by, but later that evening, as Bill and Arthur accompanied the two of them back to the garden gate, Tonks broached the issue again.

"Do you really think it was them at the Ministry, Arthur?" she whispered, as they stepped outside.

"I am almost sure of it," he replied. "There is one detail I've elected to keep from Molly, and I would ask that you please do the same, but a point in the article that is, unfortunately, true. Kingsley informed me that, once he had recovered from whatever spell hit him, Yaxley was indeed able to produce information as to where the intruders were based."

"Which was?"

"Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place."

Tonks let out a gasp of horror and Remus felt his stomach clench in alarm.

"It's not as bad as it sounds," Bill assured them. "None of us use it now, and Harry, Ron and Hermione aren't there either by the sound of things."

"I still do not understand the finer points of this whole thing!" Arthur sighed, running a hand through his receding hair. "I just can't get my head round _why_ they would do all this in the first place! But yes, that cannot be a coincidence. Harry, Ron and Hermione were at the Ministry yesterday morning, under a clever disguise, and although they managed to escape, they gave away the whereabouts to Grimmauld Place in the process. If they were indeed basing themselves there -"

"They were-" Remus said automatically, then stopped. He had told no one, not even his wife, that he had been to see Harry during his absence, and he was not sure how she would take the news. But no one asked how he knew that particular detail.

"Well then, as Bill says, they are no longer there," Arthur continued, and Tonks let out an audible sigh of relief. "We are incredibly fortunate that Kingsley has managed to stay in the Ministry's favour for so long, for he still has access to highly classified information. He assured me that while the place was thoroughly searched this morning, nothing of note was found, not even the old house elf. Whatever the three of them were doing at the Ministry and whatever they are doing now, they have hidden all traces of it."

"And the Ministry don't know the true identity of the intruders?"

"No, I think not. It would have created far more of a scandal if they did! They suspect Order involvement, no doubt, but they do not know precisely who."

"But where on earth could they be now?"

"I don't know." The worry that Arthur normally concealed so effortlessly for the benefit of his already overly concerned wife was suddenly evident on his face and his voice was strained. "I just hope they are alright."

"They will be, Arthur," Remus said fiercely. He was trying to convince himself just as much as the others as he thought of the young trio. They were so young to be undertaking such a perilous journey, younger than even he and his friends had been when they had joined the first Order. But there was nothing they could do for them for the moment, and so they could only hope and pray that they were alive, healthy, and making progress in whatever dangerous task Dumbledore had left them to complete.

"Remus is right," Tonks agreed, and just hearing the confirmation eased his worries slightly. "Really, they'll be ok. Between the three of them, they really are…"

"The best hope we have," Remus supplied, putting an arm around Tonks's shoulders.

Arthur smiled again, seeming reassured as well. "Thank you," he said. "You're right, of course. If only you could make Molly see that too!"

"That's a much harder task," Bill sighed, as they reached the boundaries of Shell Cottage and prepared to step outside the protective enchantments.

"But we will do our best," Remus assured them, shaking hands with both, and Arthur nodded gratefully.

"Thanks for having us, Bill," Tonks smiled, giving him a hug.

"No problem," he replied. "We will have to do it again soon. And congratulations again!"

It had been such a lovely evening, Remus thought, albeit a little sadly, as he clasped his wife's hand and they turned on the spot together, reappearing seconds later outside Ted and Andromeda's house. An evening he knew none of them would have appreciated even half as much in times of peace. But such was the irony, and so it had been during the first war. Only in times like these were you able to see and fully appreciate the true beauty of simple laughter and friendship, silver threads of love and hope which, taken for granted and almost invisible in the light of day, stood out clearly against the dark and desperate climate in which they were all living.

*******

"Are you ok?" Tonks murmured, as they got ready for bed.

Remus nodded slowly.

"Thinking about Harry?"

"Sort of," Remus admitted. He was indeed preoccupied with thoughts of Harry, marvelling at how the young man and his friends had managed to defy so many wizards at the Ministry, worrying about where they were now and wishing there was more he could do to help them. But he was also thinking about his own son or daughter, his very own flesh and blood that would be brought, innocent and unsuspecting, into their uncertain lives in about seven months' time.

"We're bringing our child into a scary world, aren't we?" he sighed, running a gentle hand over her stomach. Flat as it was at the moment, the bump would surely be starting to show any day now.

"Yes," she agreed, sinking down to sit next to him. They sat in silence for a while, contemplating the shadowed days that no doubt lay ahead of them, then Tonks said matter-of-factly, "But then, plenty of us were born in times of war. Harry was. So was I, in fact! And I turned out all right!"

"Well, that's a matter of opinion," he joked and she laughed and gave him a light punch on the arm. As comforting as her laugh always was, it could not completely eradicate his worries this time, and Tonks seemed to realise it, for there was suddenly a look of deep compassion and tenderness in her eyes as she addressed him once more.

"Our child will be fine, Remus," she murmured, slipping her arms around his chest and laying her head on his shoulder. He breathed in the light, fragrant scent of her hair, welcoming the feeling of calm that it never failed to bring to him. "We'll be there to protect it, and we're not the only ones! Think of how happy everyone was tonight when we told them! And Mum and Dad are thrilled, even though Mum's not really showing it to you properly right now. We're not alone in this. And our baby definitely won't be."

"I know."

He did. Dora's words, as they so often did, had soothed him, and it was only as he was drifting off to sleep that he realised his initial concern - his fear that his child would inherit his condition - had barely crossed his mind recently.

But even then, as he dwelled properly on the problem, it did not affect him the way it had done before. Of course, the idea that an innocent child should be afflicted with such a burden still devastated him, but it was a long way from the forefront of his concerns now. The most important thing was, as Dora had just pointed out, that whatever and whoever their child turned out to be, it would be loved and cared for, surrounded by a group of true and honest people who would help to guide it through an ever blackening world.


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Gold**

* * *

**20th October 1997**

Several weeks later, another invitation came through from the Weasleys, this time asking them to The Burrow for lunch. They suspected that Molly felt happier receiving guests in the daytime, and they could hardly blame her for that. It was so much easier not to worry about all the terrible things that were happening in the light of day, particularly in the autumn, when the days were bright and colourful with red leaves and warm golden sunshine, but the nights damp, dark and misty, said mist further exacerbated by the feeling of dementors lurking in every community.

Arriving at The Burrow just before midday, Tonks felt a pang of sadness that she would not be able to see Ginny. Despite the eight year age gap between them, they had got on well right from the start, ever since Tonks had stumbled clumsily into the kitchen at Grimmauld place for her first ever Order meeting and Ginny had sat her down with a cup of tea to calm her nerves. Tonks had asked about the other Order members, and Ginny, showing wisdom and shrewdness far beyond her young years, had given her an overview of everyone that she knew of.

Tonks had grinned along as she described, among others, effervescent Dedalus Diggle who dressed all in purple; brisk, no-nonsense Hestia Jones who everyone was secretly terrified of; Mundungus Fletcher, often called Dung and who smelled nearly as bad as his nickname; Sturgis Podmore, a bit aloof but hilarious; and of course, gentle and kindly Remus Lupin, who had been their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher a couple of years previously.

" _But it's not his fault he had to leave_ ," _she finished fiercely_. " _He's a werewolf, but none of us knew until the end of the year. And even then, it wouldn't have mattered if Snape hadn't told all the Slytherins. Greasy twat_!"

Tonks had liked her even more at this point, laughing as her older brothers joined in with the verbal abuse of their Hogwarts potions master as well. In the months that had followed she and Ginny had become very close, far closer than one would have expected of an Auror and a sixteen-year-old schoolgirl, and she missed her younger friend greatly at the moment. The new regime had imposed such a crackdown on correspondence that they had not heard from her since the start of term.

It quickly appeared, however, that Fred and George had overcome this barrier.

"Don't tell Mum," George murmured, shortly after their arrival, with a glance over his shoulder to check that Molly was still in the kitchen finishing off the cooking. "But Ginny's doing us proud! She, Neville and Luna are reforming Dumbledore's Army."

"Carrying on the good Weasley name," Fred said solemnly. "Ron never quite managed it, sadly, even as Harry Potter's best friend. Hermione's influence was always too strong!"

"Although breaking into the Ministry last month definitely gave him points," George mused. "Plenty of time for him to redeem himself, and we've got Ginny in the meantime. The three of them tried to break into Snape's office and steal the sword of Gryffindor!"

"You're kidding!" Tonks raised her eyebrows, impressed.

"Yeah… I mean, they did get caught," Fred grimaced. "Snape found them in there. Apparently, Luna kept her cool and started giving him advice on how to rid his office of Wiffleflies or something but naturally he didn't buy the excuse."

Remus chuckled. "I can just imagine that!" he said. "I always enjoyed teaching Luna, she's such a character." His face sobered quickly, however, at the thought of what terrible punishment might have awaited them in Snape's malicious hands.

"Are they alright though?" he asked. Tonks was also looking very anxious.

"Yeah, thankfully Hagrid was put in charge of their detentions."

"Wait - how do you know all this?" Remus asked. "I thought all letters in and out of Hogwarts were being screened?"

"You think we would let that deter us?" George grinned and dug inside his pocket to pull out a galleon. "Hermione made these a couple of years ago, for Dumbledore's Army," he said, holding it out to Remus for him to get a clear look. "We had to alter them a bit but now we can send proper, detailed messages. _Communicoins_ , we've called them! Ginny just has to speak her message into her coin and who she wants it to go to, and we'll get the words of it here. We've made them unique to the owners touch too, so if anyone else holds it, they won't be able to see what's written."

Remus inspected the galleon with interest. Sure enough, the words he had seen circling the edge of the coin were instantly wiped away as he took it from George. "I can't believe I even asked, with three Weasleys involved!" he laughed. "And when you add in Hermione Granger as well - Total genius!"

"Well, thank you! I'm glad you think so. Here," George reached into his pocket again and pulled out two small round packages wrapped in parchment. "We made a couple for you. Take one each, you'll be the first to touch them since we put the spell on them, then we can send you messages too."

Tonks and Remus exchanged stunned glances. It was easy to forget that the excitable children they had first met in Grimmauld place just a few short years ago were now, as Arthur had pointed out at their last dinner together, young adults. Yet time and time again came the proof of this, that they had all become grown up and responsible; determined, resourceful and compassionate individuals, each fighting in their own way for a brighter future.

"These are amazing, George!" Tonks said. "Thanks so much!"

"How exactly-" Remus started to ask, but stopped as Fred gave him a warning look. Molly had just come into the room with a steaming pot in her hands.

"Tell you later," Fred whispered with a wink, and they put the coins in their pockets.

"Heard the latest on Kingsley?" Bill, who had also been listening, said quickly. "His luck finally ran out last week. Ministry got wind of the fact he wasn't "wholly supportive" of the new regime and dismissed him."

"It's been coming on for a while," Arthur sighed, ladling casserole onto everyone's plates. "There have been murmurs for a while about letting him go. His known friendship with Dumbledore always made some people wary. Frankly, I'm amazed he's managed to get this far, but it is a large blow for us now. His information was invaluable, and even though Order activity has been low recently anyway, some of us were keeping up analytical work based on the limited knowledge we had. It is going to be even more difficult now, without our main Ministry informant. I, of course, cannot get even the smallest bit of useful information from where I stand."

"So where is he now?"

"We haven't heard from him in a week," Arthur said, glancing at his eldest son in slight concern. "But I'm sure he'll be fine. He's one of the toughest wizards I know, and the most careful."

"So, are you planning on staying at your mother's long term, Tonks dear?" Molly said, abruptly changing the subject, as she always did when it looked like a discussion of unfavourable topics was about to be broached.

Tonks shot Remus an uncertain look.

"I don't know," he said with a sigh. "It's not... ideal... but it will have to do for now."

"Mum's being difficult," Tonks said bluntly. "Honestly, you'd think I was twelve again, the way she talks to me sometimes. And she's still being rude to Remus."

"She's not-"

"She is," Tonks cut back across her husband. "We're not having this discussion again. I love my parents dearly, and living with Dad is no problem, but Mum's being rude and difficult, and Merlin do I miss living just the two of us in my old flat sometimes. Not much chance of us buying anything else either, with the pittance we got for it."

They had agreed to sell her lovely little flat in the end, on the basis that it was too dangerous to stay in the area and if it was burned down, destroyed or turned into a squat during the war, it would be worth nothing at all, so it would be best to at least get what they could for it now. It had been bought for a pitifully low price by a shifty looking man who had felt distinctly untrustworthy, but he had offered to pay upfront in gold and take it off their hands immediately with no requests for any kind of paperwork or contract, so Tonks had cut her losses and accepted.

She was sadder about this than she would have willingly let on. The flat had been her first taste of true independence and she had loved it, the place she had come home to after her first Auror shift, where she had invited friends and colleagues round for dinner parties, where she'd had her first proper kiss with Remus. Those compact colourful rooms had housed so many memories, now irretrievable. And even as she spoke, they were probably being used for dark or seedy activity.

Remus smiled at her sympathetically and squeezed her hand, but Bill was looking thoughtful.

"You know, there's a little house for sale very near Shell Cottage," he said. "We had a look at it too actually, but… well," he shot an amused look at his wife. "It wasn't quite to our taste."

Fleur sniffed and tossed her silver blond hair over her shoulder. "Verry run down," she agreed. "And so small and dingy."

"It's a good location, mind," Bill went on. "Near us, very out of the way. About as safe as you could possibly hope for in times like this. And cheap. Very cheap. The guy who owns it is hoping to leave the country but could do with a bit of extra gold before he goes. He's still around at the moment, as far as I know, but given the current climate…" he gestured wordlessly, indicating their most recent discussion about Kingsley. "I expect he'd take an even lower offer just to be able to leave as soon as possible. I don't think anyone has bought it since I last heard from him. Not exactly the time for property investment, is it?"

Tonks looked suddenly animated. "Sounds interesting!" she said. "Can I get the details from you? To be honest, it's probably still a bit more than we can afford, if it's an actual house. When I say pittance for my flat, I really do mean it. But I'm sure Mum and Dad would give us a hand if we needed."

She beamed at Remus, not noticing, in her sudden excitement, that his face had taken on a stiff, forced look. "Wouldn't that be great?" she exclaimed. "Our own place, out of the way. And that would be so nice to be near you and Fleur!"

"I'll give you the details later," Bill said, smiling at her enthusiasm. "I can even get in touch with the guy for you if you like, as we've already met him. Don't get too excited though Tonks, it really isn't a palace, you know."

But Tonks's eyes were bright and had taken on a glazed look, which tended to mean that she was carried away with her ever-racing thoughts.

Remus, meanwhile, swallowed his stew without comment, but despite the fact that Molly's cooking was as excellent as ever, it suddenly tasted sour.

*******

"…and I know they said it was run down, but I reckon Fleur has much higher standards than we do…and I know we probably haven't got quite enough from the old flat, and obviously I need to keep some savings back for other stuff, but my parents would help out, I know they would!" Tonks said enthusiastically, as they made their way down her parents' garden path. "I can ask them tonight-"

"No." The answer was short and curt, and stopped her excitement in her tracks.

"Remus, what-"

"I'm not borrowing or taking money from your parents, Dora. I can't."

She looked at him in consternation. Of course. She should have seen this coming. In fact, now that she looked into his set face, it seemed ridiculous that she hadn't. She had been so swept away in an excited daydream since their conversation with Bill, but of course it would deeply upset Remus that he couldn't afford to contribute to this house, doubly so if she couldn't afford it herself and they had to accept help from elsewhere.

But surely if it was for her as well, and if they already had most of the money, it would feel less like charity and more like just a little helping hand.

"But-"

"I said no." That closed expression she had seen so many times before, but that had been almost completely absent from his face in recent weeks, was returning, as his face became the mask that shut out the world and let no sign of what he was really thinking slip out from behind it. But she knew him too well now. She could always see.

"But they'd be so happy to help, Remus, they really would! And Merlin, I love you for making so much effort with my mother, but living under the same roof as her can't be easy. Don't you want to have a bit of space to ourselves?"

There was a silence.

"There, you se-" Tonks broke off, having pushed open the door to house, and noticing that the lights were off and no one seemed to be home.

"Mum? Dad?" Tonks called. The house was silent, almost eerily so. Tonks was looking uneasy, and Remus couldn't blame her. The Tonks rarely left the house at all now, particularly Ted, who as a Muggle-born married to a member of the House of Black, not to mention father-in-law to a werewolf, was about as hunted as it was possible to be.

"Mum?" Tonks called again, going through to the kitchen, but Remus's eyes had fallen on the dresser in the entrance hall, on which lay a hastily scribbled note.

_Back Soon. Don't worry. Dad x_

The note, despite its one and only instruction, did not do very much to ease their concerns, but as it was still light outside and there was no other clue as to what might be the cause of the Tonks's unusual disappearance, they didn't have much choice but to head up to their bedroom to wait.

Once upstairs, the topic of the house resumed. Tonks turned to Remus, her eyes still bright, with a renewed feeling that surely, _surely_ she must be able to convince him that this was a good idea, but he just shook his head.

"Please," he said quietly. There was no heat to his voice now, just a quiet note of pleading. "Please listen to me for a minute…and try and understand. When I say I have nothing to my name, I _mean_ nothing. And that has been the case since the end of the first war. The money my parents were able to leave me was barely enough to live on until the first fall of You-Know-Who, and their house was too damaged in the Death Eater attack to even be repaired properly, let alone sold on for additional gold."

His face was taught. She knew how difficult it was for him to admit this, even to her. Too old, too poor, too dangerous. As many times as she had heard that argument the year before, those two little words - _Too Poor_ -were almost the full extent of their discussions about money. Tonks had insisted at the beginning of their relationship that her salary was enough for them both, Remus had had no choice but to accept that, and since then the subject had stayed closed, buried between them and only uncomfortable if mentioned, which they both seemed determined not to do.

But Remus was talking about it now, and she knew how important it was that she listen and let him say what he felt he needed to say.

"When I was a teenager just out of Hogwarts I found it hard enough to let James and Lily give me food under the pretence of "not needing it", or to let Sirius pay the rent and bills in that little flat I shared with him. They left me absolutely no choice in the matter and I was young and convinced that things would get better for me soon and I could pay them back, so I let them."

He was looking determinedly out of the window.

"But things didn't get better. In fact, they got worse. When Dumbledore came to me with the offer of work at Hogwarts, I had been working in the Muggle world for over ten years, and even then, I could barely hold down a job. And since that year at Hogwarts, you know that I have hardly been able to find work at all. It has only been due to the savings from that year of teaching, and a bit of help from Sirius before… he died," Remus swallowed, "that I was able to get by at all before moving in with you. And I _hate_ it. I hate that I had to go from relying on Sirius when I lived in Grimmauld place, to relying on you just a few months later.

At this, she made a noise of protest, but he quelled it with a gentle touch on her wrist.

"I know you have accepted me for that, and that you don't mind being the person who brings in our income. And I love you for it, and my arguments about being too poor to be with you are in the past, I swear."

She fell silent again.

"But Dora, other than that miniscule, last-resort pile of coins that still sits in my vault at Gringotts, the only gold I own is a fake galleon that George Weasley gave me tonight. I have never been able to give you a proper gift of your own or even take you out for dinner. I couldn't afford to get you the very cheapest of engagement rings, or buy you your own wedding ring…" He squeezed her hand, and very briefly ran his thumb over the ring that was on her third finger, a delicate golden band with a tiny sparkling blue stone that had once belonged to Ted Tonks's mother. His own was an old signet ring of his father's, its value no more than sentimental.

"I can accept certain gestures," he said. "Out of necessity or when there is no other option, and I am deeply grateful to those who have helped me out over the years. But this is different. I can't accept money from your parents for a home for the two us, Dora. I just can't."

She stared down at the floor, trying to quash her disappointment. She didn't want to argue, particularly not right now when she was already so worried about her parents' absence, and she really should have known from the start that it would come to this. But the thought of living just the two of them, in their own private little space, of having a home to settle into and a baby's room to decorate to take her mind off everything else had overwhelmed her in the last couple of hours. Losing that bright vision in the face of Remus's stiff pride, understandable though it may be, was proving difficult.

He looked quite miserable as he finally met her gaze and seemingly saw the disappointment in them.

"We will have a home together," he insisted. "We _will_ , Dora. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll get a job, even if it is work in the Muggle world like I did all those years ago, whatever I can do that is still safe at the moment. And I'll save everything I earn so that we can buy a house together. Please, just let me contribute to this one thing for you."

She didn't look completely convinced, but the silence between them had no time to get awkward, for at that moment there were sounds from downstairs.

"Dora? Dora? Are you home?"

The cry was urgent for someone as laid back as Ted, and Remus and Tonks were instantly on their feet and racing downstairs.

They got to the bottom to find the Tonks looking stressed and flustered, Andromeda pale and Ted very shaken.

"The Turpins' house, two streets along from us, has been attacked by Death Eaters." Andromeda told them. "I'm sorry we left you so little information, but we had to go at once to see if we could help."

She gave them a few more details as Tonks pulled up a chair for her to sit down, and Remus brought both her and Ted some water, but the outcome was grim. The two of them had seen a distress flare fired an hour before, and had headed over at once to see if they could help. But it had been too late. By the time they found the right house it was silent, the Dark Mark hovering over it. No possible culprit was in sight, and no one inside had survived.

"They were a good family, the Turpins," Ted said. "You may remember Michael from school, Dora."

Tonks, very pale, nodded.

"It is the third attack in the area this month," Ted went on quietly. "It is but for the force of our new enchantments that they have not found _us_ yet, but it is only a matter of time. They know the general location, thanks to Bellatrix, and even if they didn't, the Ministry will soon be hunting me down as well, for refusing to sign up for questioning. Eventually, one of them will find us too."

There was a pause, then:

"I need to leave," Ted said. "This week. Tomorrow."

" _Leave_?" Tonks stared back at her father in blank shock.

"I have to, my love," he said, looking sadly over to her. "We'd been discussing it this morning, your mother and I, even before this happened. They are rounding up Muggle-borns everywhere and my lineage is as non-magical as it's possible to be. You three should be fine. Whatever threats they make, they consider the spillage of magical blood to be a terrible waste. But I am a danger to all of you just by being here. And if they catch me, I'm done for. I'll be here for another day or so to pack up what I need, and I'll be leaving tomorrow night."

*******

Remus and Tonks sat in silence on the bed upstairs. Tonks was shocked beyond the point of tears, and Remus merely held her, as she stared, wide eyed, at the darkening sky outside the window. The nights were closing in noticeably now.

"Sickle for your thoughts," Tonks said, eventually.

" _My_ thoughts?"

She closed her eyes and nodded. "I can't talk about Dad yet, Remus. I can't even process it at the moment. So yes, I want to hear your thoughts, so that I don't have to try and make sense of my own."

"Ok."

He sat up a little straighter, and she shifted off him so that their faces were level.

"I was just thinking that we aren't safe here," he said. " _My_ presence means that we aren't safe here. And I think your Dad knows that too, despite what he said earlier. Being a half-blood - or even a pureblood - doesn't matter a damn if you're a werewolf, everyone knows that. And that puts you in danger, our baby in danger, your mother…"

He was clasping his hands very tightly in his lap, starting down at them with a terse, almost unreadable expression on his face. But Tonks understood the battle going on behind those warm brown eyes, understood that this time, it wasn't a question of whether or not he should stay himself, but a question of how he could make sure they were all safe, together, as a family. And she knew he was focusing on the only option that seemed available to them, trying to figure out if there was truly no other way.

She didn't speak. If the last three years of knowing Remus Lupin had taught her anything, it was that the decisions he came to from his own desperate paradoxical thoughts were generally more sensible (if only by a fraction) than those he came to when presented with a rational, logical argument.

After a very long silence, during which she pottered around the room, unnecessarily straightening things on the dresser, fixing the curtains, brushing her hair and experimenting with a few different styles, he spoke.

"Ok."

She didn't need to ask what he meant. She just went over and put her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck.

"A loan," he confirmed. "For the cottage. So that we can buy it now and move in as soon as possible and take the safest option we can for everyone. But it will be a small loan. As little as we can get away with. And we pay them back Dora. Every bit of it. As soon as we possibly can."

She hugged him tighter, grateful for his quick acceptance and the huge sacrifice that few people would have understood he was making, ignoring the tiny protest that had fired up in the back of her mind, that her parents might not be willing to accept such stark terms as Remus had just suggested. But that was an issue for tomorrow. She kissed the top of his head.

"I'll ask them in the morning."

* * *

**21** **st** **October 1997**

"…and we wouldn't need too much extra because I have plenty in savings from the last few years, and we'd pay back every knut - really we would - as soon as things in general are looking better and I have my steady income back-"

"Does Remus know you're doing this?" Ted looked over at her from his armchair, his gaze surprisingly sharp, and her fast reel of speech trailed off. She nodded cautiously from her place on the sofa, twisting her hands in her lap.

"Yes, he does." Her mother, standing by the fireplace, looked on stonily. "But-" she cut Andromeda off before the first word was even out of her mouth. "Please don't judge him for not being down here to ask me with you. He didn't even want me to come down. _Really_ didn't want me to," she added, thinking guiltily of Remus's white face as she had left the bedroom earlier, knowing how much it was costing him to sit there and not insist that she stay in bed rather than going downstairs to have this conversation.

She pressed on.

"It permanently haunts him that he can't earn enough money to provide properly for us. It was one of the reasons he was so hesitant about being with me in the first place. But that isn't his fault!" she glared defiantly at her mother. "He deserves so much more. He _should_ be employed with a good income… He should still be teaching at Hogwarts. The students loved him, he was the best defence teacher they've had there in years. Utter scumbags like Snape and Rita Skeeter and Dolores Umbridge have made it impossible for him to get another job, and it is SO unfair-" she broke off, trying to calm her anger and indignation, which she knew was making an appearance in the form of prickly, angry tears, as her fists balled in her lap. She must keep her dignity, if only for Remus's sake.

"He's proud," she continued, her voice calmer now. _Too proud_. "He wants what's best for me, and he wants to protect me - protect all of us - but he is proud. And ashamed, although I have told him so many he times he doesn't need to be. But I do get it. I do understand…that I _can't_ properly understand… how it feels to be in his position. Please try and understand that too."

"If he wants what is best for you," Andromeda replied at once. "Then why is he letting you sit here, without him, and make this request of us? If he truly believes that this is the best thing for you and your baby - something that I agree with, as it happens - why is he not down here too, doing everything he can to make it a reality?"

"Are you really saying that you're less inclined to help us because he is not down here with me?" Tonks shot back sharply. "Or that you think Remus would believe for a second you would refuse just because I'm sitting here alone?"

Her mother, for once, had no retort for this. They both knew, of course, that she was saying neither such thing.

"Mum, _please_ ," she went on, more softly, her eyes now huge and beseeching in her small, heart-shaped face, "He was dead set against asking you for money, after we first heard about the house from Bill yesterday. He wanted to wait so he could get a job, somehow, and save the money himself. It was only after what happened to the Turpins…You have no idea what this actually means, him relenting so quickly and not trying to stop me coming down here to ask you. Relying on someone else in this way is just about the hardest thing in the world for him to do. And he may not be down here himself, but-"

As her voice rambled on, reaching a higher decibel, her father came and sat down next to her and squeezed her shoulder. "Shh Dora. It's ok. We'll help you out." His gaze flicked over to his wife, who was still frowning. He gave his gentle smile, his warm eyes filled with affection, and instantly Andromeda's face mellowed. Tonks smiled to herself. How her father had always managed to do that - have that softening effect even when his wife was in the iciest of moods, simply with a little twitch of his mouth - she would never know.

"We'll help you out," he continued. "On two conditions."

Tonks waited, her heart sinking a fraction, knowing what was coming.

"One - this money is a _gift_. You are not going to pay us back, not when this war is over, not when you go back to work, not if Remus gets a job. Not ever."

"But Dad -"

"And two, you will take the _full_ amount you need to buy the house, and your own savings will go towards your future, towards keeping you safe, and fed, and warm, with as many provisions as you need for yourselves and the baby, until this nightmare is over."

"But -"

"Those are my conditions," he said. "And they are final. I am leaving this house tonight, with no guarantee of when or even if I will return. And I will not do that in the knowledge that my only daughter and her husband are barely making ends meet, nor that they feel in our debt because of a load of gold that we don't need or want."

He looked at her fiercely, or at least as fiercely as it was possible for Ted Tonks to look, and finished:

"I will leave this house tonight knowing that, if I don't return, the last thing I did for them was something to make them as safe and comfortable as possible in these horrendous times we are living through."

Tonks stared towards the fireplace, a lump forming in her throat as she took in the true impact of her fathers' words, the thing she had been trying to push out of her mind for the last twelve hours.

_This might be the last day I ever spend with my Dad…_

_NO!_ Brutally, she forced the thought out and turned back to the issue at hand.

"I do understand that Dad, but -"

"Those are my conditions," he repeated. "No buts, Dora."

"I agree with your father," Andromeda broke in. "We have more than enough money to be able to give you some to buy this little cottage, and you know that. You will take the full amount, and take it as a gift, or nothing at all."

Tonks bit her lip. She had known, deep down, that this would be the outcome. Known from the minute Remus had uttered the word "loan" the previous day that her parents, from whom she had always insisted on being so independent since the age of five, would never pass up the opportunity to do everything they could for her if she came to them with an actual plea for help. They had been upset enough when she had insisted on buying her first little flat entirely by herself, rather than letting them give her the extra money for a larger, more expensive house, as they had so desperately wanted to do. And that had been in peaceful times, simpler times, with no threat of war and darkness and imminent death hanging over their heads.

She even understood, in these circumstances, what was driving their insistence. They had more than enough gold. She knew that Sirius had taken immense pleasure in forcing some of his inheritance on his favourite cousin after Orion Black's death, and Ted Tonks, the only child of an old muggle farming couple, had sold off the farm for galleons when it had passed to him. They lived a comfortable but unlavish life, and they would never need or miss the relatively small amount of money she was asking of them, particularly not when the thing they cared about most in the world was the safety of their only daughter.

She understood that. But would Remus? It was costing him every bit of his remaining pride as it was to let her come down and ask for the money as a loan.

"If he truly wants what is best for you," her mother said, answering her internal thoughts, "then he will accept our conditions as well."

Tonks swallowed deeply and, knowing that arguing was pointless, raised her head, accepting defeat. "Thank you, Mum, thanks Dad," she said. "I'm so grateful, and I'm sure Remus will be too."

Or rather... she hoped.

*******

Remus was standing with his back to her when she entered the room again. He turned to face her.

"Well?"

She hesitated.

"Did they not want to?" He looked surprised more than anything, and was careful to keep his expression neutral, but she was sure she detected a hint of relief in his face. She hastened to reply.

"No, no… they _do_ want to. They want to help as much as they can, but…" she floundered, wondering what to say. Then, feeling like there was no point beating about the bush, blurted out:

"They want to give us all the money for it. So that my savings can go towards anything else we need…and stuff for the baby. And- and they don't want any of it back."

Silence.

"It is their condition for giving it to us. And it's non-negotiable."

More silence.

Many would have called it ingratitude, but Tonks knew better, knew that the overwhelming gratitude that Remus _was_ feeling was trying to beat down the solid wall of proud defences and fierce independence that he had been building up for years. The wall that was always particularly solid and stubborn when it came to the subject of money. And this time, she allowed herself to give him a little help in working through his painful thought process.

"Remus, they just want us to be safe, and comfortable. And they really, _really_ don't need that money, believe me. They would much prefer to help us rather than have it sitting unused in a vault at Gringotts. They just want what's best for us, for their daughter and for their grandchild, and for us as a family. You can understand that, can't you?"

He still didn't speak, but his eyes dropped to her stomach, which was steadily swelling every day, slightly noticeable now even under her loose-fitting T-shirt.

He moved towards her, then reached out to place a hand on the bump. There was no movement, the baby hadn't started kicking yet, but she was sure as he touched her she could feel something, an almost electric connection between his hand and the tiny mass that was growing inside her.

His hand rested there for several seconds. Then he closed his eyes, drew his wife close, and held her. He didn't answer her question, didn't even say another word for the rest of the morning.

But she understood.


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Orange**

* * *

**25** **th** **October 1997**

Within just a few days, the deal was done. Tonks and Remus had seen the house, and as they had expected, it was not nearly as bad as Fleur's comments had implied. It needed a new coat of paint and some small repairs to the roof, which they could easily do themselves, and it would be near perfect for them.

The man selling it, an older Muggle-born wizard, had practically bitten off their hand when they'd made the offer Bill had advised them on. Apparently, just a week later would have been too late and he would have cut his losses and risked his new life without the extra gold. The man had then handed over the keys, packed up his belongings and left that afternoon for a warmer and more peaceful life in New Zealand.

Ted Tonks had left. Remus had left the family alone to say their goodbyes in private, before exchanging a few words of luck and solidarity with Ted himself. Tonks had been white faced and silent in the hours following his departure, but it was very clear that neither she nor her mother were ready to discuss the subject at the moment, and so Remus did not broach it at all.

Instead, they talked about how they could configure their new home, and which room they should use for this and that, and what colour they should repaint the walls. Tonks threw herself excitedly into the challenge of finding a suitable colour scheme, and most of their days revolved around her sitting by a small patch of wall in the corner of her bedroom, trying out different shades of paint, while Remus sorted their belongings carefully into labelled boxes, preparing to move at the end of the month. As Tonks hated packing, and Remus did not consider her skills in this department neat enough for such a task anyway, this arrangement suited both of them.

Remus's first proper contact with Andromeda came four days after Ted's departure, when he found himself unexpectedly alone with her in the kitchen, having come down to get a couple of glasses of pumpkin juice. She did not look up from her food preparations as he poured two glasses and put them on a tray. Used to this, and about to leave the kitchen, he suddenly felt that he could not go let matters go on like this any longer, and stopped in the doorway.

"Andromeda, I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am. For the money you both gave us. I know I haven't properly said it. But thank you."

"Well, you are welcome." Andromeda didn't turn around, but he was sure that her reply was almost gracious. Perhaps he was making a little progress.

"I do wish you would let me pay you back when I am able to," he continued. Dora would hate him for saying this, he thought grimly, but he had to offer, at the very least.

Andromeda did not reply instantly. Finally, she looked up from the vegetables that she had been peeling, an odd expression on her face now, as if she was stealing herself to say something.

"I haven't given you the easiest of times these last few weeks, Remus, and I acknowledge that."

Pulled up short by this unexpected turn, Remus had no suitable reply.

"But," Andromeda went on, looking back down at the carrots, "you should know that since Nymphadora was born - in all the years of raising her, seeing her through her OWLs, her NEWTs, her teenage tantrums, her ups and downs as one of the most junior Aurors at the Ministry – In all that time, you should know that only twice have I ever seen her truly, deeply upset and vulnerable. And both of those times, it was because of you."

Remus, for all he had not been expecting this, knew that it was no more than he deserved. He moved away from the doorway and back into the kitchen, setting the tray on the counter, to show that he was listening.

"I understand-" he began, but Andromeda cut him off, now not looking at him at all. Her voice had lost its usual crisp, eloquent tone, and trembled slightly as she went on.

"No, Remus, you don't. Forgive me, but there is no way that, right now, you could possibly understand. Maybe one day. Maybe in many years, when your own child has grown up and you have witnessed them struggle and have to make their own choices, entirely without your help, in a world that will never give them any warning of what it is about to throw at them. Maybe then, you will understand.

But right now, you cannot possibly comprehend how it feels to see your only child, the most precious thing in the world to you, at their lowest, most miserable edge, and know there is absolutely nothing you can do to ease their pain."

As he tried in vain to find words that may even begin to formulate a decent apology, it appeared that now Andromeda had started speaking, she was not about to stop until she'd had her say.

"I know perhaps, what you may have thought was the cause of my attitude towards you," she went on. "But let me make it perfectly clear to you that it does not matter to me that you do not have a job or a steady income. This has never worried me. My daughter had a good job, after all, and as devastated as I will be for her if she is not able to go back to it, this was her choice, and there is far more to life than money and status, whatever my relatives may have thought."

"And, although I hope you understand that one's child marrying a werewolf is not something that any parent could ever immediately rejoice in," Remus could only nod at this, "I can also assure you that I don't resent you for it. Your condition is not your fault, and I know that you take the necessary precautions every month and that Nymphadora is physically safe when she is with you. My only concern has ever been that you have shown - not once, but twice - that you are capable of treating her badly, of causing her deep, emotional distress. This, on the contrary, was entirely your fault, and inexcusable. And in my mind, there is no guarantee that you will not do so again."

Remus struggled. What could he possibly say to this? How could he assure this normally proud, confident woman, who presented herself to the world without the slightest chink in her armour, that he could be trusted with the thing that mattered most to her in the world, the thing that caused her voice to tremble and tears to prickle in her dark eyes.

"I won't Andromeda," he said hoarsely, at last. "Please believe me. Believe me when I say that I am far more ashamed of my previous actions than anyone else could ever be. And I don't think I can ever do anything to make up for that. But I won't hurt her again. I couldn't bear to. I have promised her this and now I am promising you. You have my word."

Andromeda held his gaze for a while, something eventually relenting in the deep brown eyes. She still sounded a little guarded, but her voice had lost some of its carefully controlled anger and emotion as she continued.

"Well, then, in answer to your previous statement, _that_ is how you will pay us back, Remus. By being there to protect our daughter in every way possible, now that her father and I can no longer be. By never causing her any pain again, however great or small. And by making sure that the happiness that I have seen on her face every day these last few weeks is never taken away because of something you have done. If, once I am left here on my own, I can at least think of my daughter getting on with her life as safely as possible and doing so with a smile on her face because of the way you treat her, then that will be more repayment than all the gold you could ever give me."

She held his gaze for a long moment and he nodded.

"Then that is the repayment you will get."

A frisson of understanding seemed to pass between them. It wasn't much, but it was something for now.

Outside the kitchen door, Tonks stood frozen. She had truly not meant to overhear the conversation, just on her way down to find out what the bloody hell was taking so long with the juice, and she knew she ought to have stopped listening immediately.

Indeed, she had been initially outraged, and quite ready to burst into the kitchen and berate her mother for her unfair treatment of her husband, for cornering him and taking him unawares. But she had been pulled up short by the emotion in her mother's voice, emotion that was so concealed when she spoke to her directly. And it was this, along with the knowledge that there probably was a great need for this conversation to take place for anything to change between her husband and his mother-in-law, that prevented her from storming into the kitchen and insisting that her mum shut up right now and stop embarrassing her.

And she couldn't help but keep listening. To her mother's emotional speech. To her husband's promise, so intense and full of honesty, and she felt, in that moment, more secure than she had felt in a long time.

Finally shaken out of her stupor by the sound of people moving around the kitchen, Tonks supposed she had better make herself scarce before they found her here and made the situation all the more embarrassing. But Remus's next words pulled her up short.

"You'd be welcome to move in with us."

"Excuse me?"

"If you wanted to, I mean. If you would feel safer… or didn't want to stay here on your own. We'll have three rooms, after all, so even once the baby comes there will be a spare."

Tonks, while feeling slightly indignant that Remus should make this offer without consulting her first, recognised it as a huge step towards repairing his relationship with his mother-in-law. She prayed internally for her mother to be nice. Andromeda could be so cutting at times, sometimes completely unintentionally. Thankfully, her prayer was answered and on replying, Andromeda's voice the gentlest she had ever heard it when speaking to Remus.

"Thank you, Remus. That is very kind. Truly. But," she heard a shaky intake of breath. "This house has been my home since I was eighteen, and while I still walk this earth, no one, least of all my dear sister Bellatrix, is going to scare me into leaving it."

"Besides," she went on, an amused edge to her voice. "I'm not sure Nymphadora would appreciate my continued presence in your new home, so I think it is kinder for both of us if I stay here. Although I would have been interested to watch you break the news to her if I _had_ accepted!"

_Did my mother just make a joke?_ Tonks thought to herself, as she finally left her spot behind the door and headed back upstairs. _The world really has gone mad._

**oooo**

Tonks was sitting in her paint testing corner, experimenting with a bright shade of tangerine, when Remus entered with the juice.

"Oof! Bit eye aching, that one."

"What took you so long?"

"I…um. I had a little chat with your mum."

"Oh yeah?" Keeping her voice neutral, Tonks put down the paintbrush and looked around. "What about?"

He gave her a rather puzzled look at this, but answered the question all the same.

"Just a few things that we needed to straighten out."

"Oh… Ok then." She turned back to the wall and tried a paler shade of peach. "What about this one?"

There was definite suspicion in his gaze now.

"Better, I suppose."

He put the juice on the dressing table, still starting at her thoughtfully.

"By the way… I asked your Mum if she wanted to move into the new house with us."

"Oh… Ok." Tonks deepened the peach to a coral colour. "Yeah, I like that colour better! So what did she say?"

His eyes narrowed even more for a second. She stared back, trying to look innocent, and then his eyebrows raised in comprehension, his mouth falling open.

"You were listening!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me, Nymphadora Tonks!" His mouth was twitching with amusement.

"Don't call me Nymphadora then! I'm a _Lupin_ now anyway, remember? And I don't know what you're talking about!"

He merely raised an eyebrow.

"Dora, I just came in and said I'd had a talk with your mother, a woman I've been living with for nearly three months now without her addressing more than two sentences to me at a time. I then told you that we'd had a little chat 'just to straighten some things out'. And your response was…'Ok then'."

"Uh huh…"

"I _then_ told you I had asked her to move in with us, and, given the fact that you have been going on for weeks about how much you want to be independent again, I can't imagine you would be overly happy with me for that. But instead of flying off the handle, you calmly ask me what she said. Either the paint fumes have finally gone to your head…or you already know every detail of the conversation I just had with her!"

Her hair had gone red. She'd always been a terrible liar, and she certainly couldn't lie convincingly to Remus, the man who could now read her just as easily as she could read him.

"Ok fine! I heard. But I honestly didn't mean to! I came down to see what was taking you so long and then I couldn't help overhearing. It's not like I was out there with an extendable ear, was it?"

"You're unbelievable!" He was properly laughing now. "Any other private conversations you've been listening in on that I should know about?"

"And what private conversations would they be then?"

He was still shaking his head, but smiling, as he handed her the glass of pumpkin juice. Tonks took a sip, then choked on it slightly in amusement as she thought of something else.

"Um Remus?"

"Yes?"

Tonks was grinning wickedly.

"What would you have done if she _had_ said yes?"

It was Remus's turn to look shifty.

"I don't know what you mean," he said, turning to his neatly stacked boxes. "Come on, we're moving in a few days we still have loads of things to sort out."

* * *

**1** **st** **November 1997**

They had picked, as Bill had said, about as safe a place as possible to live in the current climate, surrounded by trees in the middle of nowhere, and it meant that they could, as long as they stayed alert, go on walks in the neighbouring woods and get plenty of fresh air.

Two days after moving in, walking briskly along a path covered by autumn leaves that led back to their garden, it even felt safe enough to talk in normal voices instead of a whisper. The mock argument had been going on for several minutes.

"Dora, we are not calling our baby Mowgli!"

"Well, when I was eight that's what I decided I would name my child," she shrugged at him. "My Nana Tonks used to take me to the cinema once a month – it would be her time away from the farm and my little treat with her into the Muggle world - and after I saw The Jungle Book I thought how cool it would be to run away to the jungle and live with animals. And I decided that if I ever had a child it would be called Mowgli."

He just shook his head in amusement.

"I used to pretend our garden was a jungle, and I'd change my hair black and swing round on these ropes my dad put up for me on the big tree."

"Let me guess, wearing just a loin cloth?" Remus asked with a grin. She ignored this.

"Mowgli was even raised by a wolf pack. I mean, you won't find a more perfect name!"

"Hmm."

She just shrugged, then suddenly kicked up a pile of brown and orange leaves with a childish laugh, looking round at the colours with bright eyes. Remus could suddenly picture her as a six-year-old, doing the exact same thing.

"I love this time of year," she said, looking out over a nearby field. "The colours, the smell, the sunsets. How you can just wear a jumper and not be too cold or too warm."

Remus smiled back, trying to conceal the sadness behind it. He had once loved this time of year as well, although James and Sirius had much preferred the scorching summer days spent sunbathing in the Potters' back garden. But autumn had always been his favourite season, and Lily's as well. It had been the time of returning to school for the new term, of Halloween, of quidditch matches, of cosy evenings curled up by the fire with snacks and hot chocolate and a book.

But sixteen years ago, on this very day, his whole world had come crashing down, and he didn't think this time of year would ever be the same again. He did not mention this. He did not want to bring his wife down with him, not when she was in a lighter, more carefree mood than she had been in a long time. And things were better now anyway. So much better than they had been for years.

The sound of a twig snapping came from behind them, too loud just to be a squirrel or a rabbit, and they both whipped around. Tonks's heart was suddenly thumping frantically in her chest. It had been a long time since they had been involved in any kind of fight. Order activity was very sporadic now, with Dumbledore and Mad-Eye gone and most of their core members in hiding or concentrating on long term tasks. Nevertheless, adrenalin immediately rushed through her. She had never forgotten how to immediately launch herself into a prepared and alert frame of mind. It was difficult to forget such things when _Constant Vigilance_ had been drilled into you by the toughest Auror to ever work for the Ministry.

A figure came into view through the trees behind them. Tonks's heartbeat slowed as she recognized him, but she did not lower her wand. "Show yourself!" she commanded.

Kingsley Shacklebolt came closer, his hands raised in a gesture of surrender, but neither Tonks nor Remus lowered their wands.

"Show your patronus," Remus ordered. He was standing in front of Tonks now, his hand reached round to maintain contact, and she couldn't help but smile to herself. Remus often seemed to forget that she was a trained Auror, just as capable of defending herself as he was, if not more so. But she did not protest, her eyes focused on the figure of the man before them.

Kingsley waved his wand in a sweeping motion and the silver lynx soared from the end. They watched it leap through the trees as Kingsley spoke, his voice as deep and comforting as ever.

"I am Kingsley Shacklebolt, member of the Order of the Phoenix, former Auror at the now corrupt Ministry of Magic, where I worked with your wife, Nymphadora Tonks," he said, inclining his head towards her. "I was your mentor for your first ever Auror shadowing mission up in Hull, when you were a trainee five years ago, and you told me you'd wanted to be an Auror since you could remember because you'd always wanted to catch whoever framed your cousin, Sirius Black."

Remus shot an interested glance at Dora and she grinned and lowered her wand. "And you told me I was out of my mind," she replied. "I don't think I ever said I told you so for that one, either!"

Kingsley fell into pace beside them, indicating that they should keep walking, and Remus looked around nervously. "I'm alone," he assured them. "I took extreme precaution not to be tracked here."

Remus felt reassured, as one couldn't help but be in Kingsley's presence. "How have you been?" he asked. "Arthur told us you'd left the Ministry!"

"Didn't have a choice," Kingsley replied curtly. "Had to leave my house that very night, as well. Too many unsavoury characters knew where I lived. Then I had set up a little base in a deserted cottage out west. But I had to leave that too, yesterday. Death Eaters came calling very unexpectedly."

"How did they find you?" Tonks said in alarm. "Surely you'd put protective enchantments up around the house?"

"Of course I did," Kingsley said. "Had dark detectors too. But they've found a way round that." He paused, then lowered his voice. "Is there anywhere we can go, more private?"

Tonks nodded. "Our new house, we're just on our way back there now."

They walked back to the cottage, talking about more trivial matters. Once back inside, however, Kingsley turned to face them seriously.

"I take it you haven't been saying You-Know-Who's real name?"

"No," Remus confirmed, suddenly realizing that it had indeed been a very long time since he had said the name Voldemort out loud.

"A stroke of luck then," Kingsley murmured. "The name is taboo. Causes some kind of magical disturbance and makes the speaker trackable. Breaks protective enchantments too. As I found out to my cost yesterday."

"Wait, _what_?" Tonks said in a fierce whisper, even though they were now in the protection of the cottage. "You say You-Know-Who's real name and it breaks protective enchantments? Like – _all_ protective enchantments?"

"I'm not sure, but if I would have to guess I'd say all but the strongest and deepest of them," Kingsley said. "I do not believe it could disrupt the Fidelius charm, for example, or complex protective wards that rely on old magic, and I don't think it could undo work that's been put in to make a place unplottable. But yes, certainly any enchantments that have been set up by simple incantations, however powerful. I had put up a lot of them around the house I was staying in, and I'm hardly a novice at such things. Every single one of them broke at the word yesterday afternoon."

Tonks was staring at Kingsley in great alarm. What was this? Magic that could calmly take down the strongest of protective spells in a single spoken word, spells that Aurors spent years of their career perfecting? Remus's thoughts seemed to be elsewhere.

"But who on earth were you talking _to_?" he asked. Tonks, however, thought she knew the answer to this, and sure enough, when Kingsley spoke, his serious voice had an unusual hint of embarrassment in it.

"I have a habit of talking to myself when going over complex information – your wife will testify," he raised an eyebrow at her and she nodded.

"Yeah, forget Stealth and Tracking and what have you," she snorted. "The Auror qualification exam really needs a module in _Concentrating while your neighbour is muttering and swearing loudly under their breath."_

Kingsley managed a grin before resuming his story.

"Well, yes. So that's how it happened, anyway. Yesterday I was going over some notes I had managed to take from the Ministry, comparing them to some old Order ones I'd been keeping safe." He shrugged. "And I must have said the name out loud, if only in a whisper. Next thing I knew – can't have been more than twenty or thirty seconds, Death Eaters were in the front garden, three of them. I managed to get my head in gear, and I fought my way out, just about. Took a few hours to be sure that I'd shaken them off, and it wasn't until I had time to think about it properly that I realised the enchantments must have all broken at the same time, and what must have caused it."

"And you're absolutely sure it was that?" Remus sounded sceptical, and Tonks couldn't blame him. A simple whisper destroying powerful protective enchantments set up by a senior Auror? But, as far-fetched as it sounded, five years working with Kingsley had taught her that he was not a wild theorist. He was clear-headed, rational and analytical, drawing all his conclusions based on nothing but solid proof.

Sure enough, he nodded at her husband, looking grim.

"I'm pretty certain to be honest, Remus. I assure you that the spells I had set up were too powerful for me not to have more than at least a few minutes' warning if they were being forced into by usual means. Something broke them all, completely effortlessly, and in an instant. I had also heard rumours in the Ministry before I left about a "name taboo". Nothing in detail, unfortunately - the individual in charge of that was a suspicious old bastard, very anti Dumbledore and always despised me. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's because of him I was dismissed in the end. I had not heard enough to know exactly what it was, but I was able to put two and two together after what happened today."

They sat in silence for a while, processing the enormity of what they had just heard. Kingsley continued.

"I have tried to spread the word. I've managed to get in touch with Arthur, and Bill Weasley – he was the one who told me you lived around here now. I was worried about you two in particular. I know you never saw reason to fear his name."

"Ted and Andromeda weren't keen," Remus said quietly. "We only moved from theirs two days ago. And we try not to discuss him anyway, to be honest."

"A wise plan, by all accounts," Kingsley sighed.

There was another silence.

"Harry says the name," Remus said suddenly. "He always has."

Kingsley nodded, his face calm but his eyes betraying the look of deep concern. "I know," he replied. "But I think that is one person who I will not be able to warn. We have absolutely no idea where he is, and it will be too risky to try and send a message to him. Who knows what he, and we're assuming Ron and Hermione, are up to at the moment. I'm guessing Arthur told you that we think they managed to infiltrate the ministry a few weeks back?"

They both nodded and Kingsley shrugged a little helplessly. "That plan would have been completely blown by receiving any kind of message. Whatever they are doing now, we don't know that trying to contact them won't be fatal for them."

"If they had been caught or… killed," Remus hardly dared say it, "we would have heard, I am sure of it."

"As am I," Kingsley agreed. "So there is a chance, however small, that he knows about it anyway."

They sat in silence for a while, but no more was said about Harry and his friends. Nothing more could be done for them, after all.

"So, is that why you tracked us down, to tell us that?" Remus turned back to Kingsley.

The other man paused and looked between them. "Yes, but not entirely," he said. "My hasty departure from the temporary house last night has left us with a worrying problem. I have left information there, not as concealed as it would have normally been; months' worth of notes on Order activity and important Ministry documents as well. It is, at least, protected enough to not be found on a simple search of the property – it will look like I was simply hiding out there, and I believe that they are more interested in capturing _me_ than going through any of my belongings. But I don't want to take any chances. I must retrieve the files I left there as soon as possible. And for that I could really use some assistance."

"What do we need to do?" Tonks said at once, getting to her feet. She was determinedly avoiding Remus's gaze, which was suddenly intense from the other side of the room.

"It won't be the easiest thing in the world, but I don't think it will be too hard with three of us," Kingsley went on. "As far as I have been able to tell, there are three people, whether Death Eaters or otherwise I'm not sure, watching the house. I guess they think I will try and return at some point. If they are still there then I will need a distraction, possibly only ten minutes or so, so that I can go in and retrieve the information I need."

"We can do that!" Tonks said confidently.

"So I thought," Kingsley smiled. "I'm going to go back to get a clear idea of what we're dealing with before we act. May take a few hours. I'll send you a patronus with a nearby secure location where we can go over the final details. OK?"

"Definitely! See you later!"

Remus looked at Tonks as Kingsley made for the door and knew from the hardened expression of determination on her face that he was already fighting a losing battle. But he was going to have to try.

*******

Three hours later, the argument had resumed and was still going round in circles.

"Dora, you're pregnant!" he sighed, running his hands through his thick hair in exasperation. "How many times are we going to go through this?"

"What has that got to do with anything?" she scowled back at him. Her normally easy-going nature was severely compromised at the moment. This was, of course, due to her being over four months pregnant, thus proving his point that she was not in the best position to be risking her life on missions, but making it considerably harder for him to get this very point across to her.

"Kingsley just told us that the house is still being watched, by Death Eaters no less. There will be fighting involved. It's too dangerous. For you _and_ the baby! Dora-"

"You told me Lily did Order work until she was seven months pregnant with Harry!" Tonks interrupted him loudly.

He groaned inwardly. So he had, way back in the days when he never could have even envisaged a situation where she would be pregnant with his own child and able to throw the argument back in his face.

"It was different," Remus pleaded, trying to find a rational response. "Dumbledore was around back then. And Mad Eye. However bad things looked at the time we still had a routine, a system. We don't anymore. They've long caught up with the head start we had on them two years ago. We're entering into completely unprecedented realms of dark magic…Like the name taboo- that is a curse that I have never even heard of before, and it's terrifying. We have absolutely no idea what we're up against!"

But her eyes blazed at him and he already knew, deep down, that trying to deter her was pointless. She was an Auror, after all. A fighter through and through.

"Which is why we have to do something! Remus, I can't sit here doing nothing, not for the next five months. We _have_ to fight! We're too involved in this war not to fight. We were there at the start of it, back in Grimmauld Place with Dumbledore, and we swore to do whatever it took. Remember?"

"Yes! But-"

"Remus," she said, very firmly. "I am a grown woman. I'm an Auror. And I am going to help Kingsley. Whether you join me or not is up to you."

He sighed, his stomach clenching with worry and fear, but he relented and made to follow her as she pulled on her black cloak and made for the door. He had no choice really. He should have known from the start, that as the daughter of Andromeda Tonks and cousin of Sirius Black, there was no way he was going to win this particular argument.


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Scarlet**

* * *

**1st November 1997**

A streak of bright red light came at Tonks and she dived behind a tree to avoid it. She slashed her wand behind her, throwing up dirt and mud and tree roots and confusing her pursuer, then changed direction sharply. It was enough to buy her some distance and breathing space, but she wasn't safe just yet.

Her heart was pounding, her breath searing in her throat. Kingsley had been right to say that this would not be the easiest of tasks. He had done a clear scout of the area, and told them that, as far as he could tell, the three people watching the house were the only people in the vicinity that they needed to worry about. That did not mean that no one else would come, of course, but the most important thing was to bear those three in mind.

Starting the distraction had proved to be the simple part. All three hooded and masked figures lying in wait near the house had immediately taken the bait, and come in pursuit of her and Remus, as Kingsley, under a disillusionment charm, slipped unnoticed back into the little cottage.

The more difficult part was continuing with said distraction while keeping themselves alive in the process. They had managed to knock out one of the men straight away, but the other two had come in pursuit, dodging the curses they threw over their shoulder. She and Remus had separated as they made their way up the earthy bank lined with trees that overlooked the cottage. The trees got thicker as Tonks continued to run. She could not hear anyone following her, but that didn't mean no one was, and she felt quite disorientated now. She continued to work her way up the steep bank, trying to go in a straight line.

As she reached the top of the bank and the trees thinned out a little, she caught sight of the house from her higher vantage point, but there were still no other figures in sight. She made her way cautiously through the trees, keeping the house in view, casting a charm to detect who was in her vicinity. Still no one. But that could change at any moment.

She paused beside a large tree, trying to catch her breath as silently as possible. She really did feel unfit, she thought irritably. Surely being a tiny bit pregnant shouldn't affect her this much? Looking up, a sudden idea occurring to her, she saw precisely what she had been hoping for, a convenient sized gap in the branches, big enough to sit on.

" _Wingardium Leviosa_ ," she muttered, casting the charm on herself. From this much more advantageous viewpoint, she could see much better, and felt safer as she tried to relax. She looked down towards the little house.

The cottage was looked deserted from the outside. Kingsley was clearly doing a good job of keeping himself concealed, but she could see that the Death Eater they had originally stunned was mobile again, walking round the back of it, peering in the windows, waving his wand in the air. A quick _Homenum Revelio_ would be enough to detect Kingsley's presence, Tonks knew. There was nothing that anyone could do to block that particular spell.

As she was wondering whether she would be able to accurately curse him from this far away, this thought process was cut off very suddenly at the sound of twigs snapping not too far away. Then she saw Remus, just seconds before her detection charm gave her warning. He was battling both Death Eaters at once, and the three of them were fast approaching the spot under the tree in which she was hiding. She waited until they had just passed the base of the tree, and then launched herself to his aid, landing with a graceful – by her standards anyway – thud, and a sharp, distracting yell. One of the men turned to her at once and began to launch curses on her direction. Tonks threw herself into the fight with renewed vigour. She ducked and twisted, fighting, shielding, retaliating, but she was getting tired again. Far more tired than she should have been. She tried her hardest, but she could feel her control slipping, losing the upper hand that she had gained by her surprise attack. She fired curses back at the man as best she could. One caught his mask, and as he gave a roar of pain and put his hand to his face, she managed to hit him again square in the chest. He keeled over, not dead – she hadn't had it in her at that moment – but at least out cold.

Two on one now. This should be easier. But before either she or Remus could throw another curse, a yell from down the bank distracted all three of them. Looking down, Tonks saw the Death Eater she had seen from the tree yelling and gesticulating towards the cottage. She could also make out Kingsley in the doorway to the cottage.

She cursed herself for taking her eyes off her opponent, but as she looked back at him he was disappearing in a swirl of black, only to reappear down the bank just next to the house two seconds later. Both he and his companion charged towards the cottage door, firing spells at Kingsley. He parried them with ease.

Then several things happened at once.

Remus turned to Tonks, his face crumpled with concern.

"Are you ok?"

She was too out of breath to do anything other than nod.

The cottage below them exploded in a ball of fire.

Tonks let out an anguished scream as the Death Eater nearest the house was blasted backwards and hit the ground. Dead. They could not see the second man, nor could they see Kingsley, and judging by his position just seconds before he must have been at the very heart of the explosion.

"Kingsley!" she shouted.

"Come on!" Remus pulled at her hand. "We have to move out of sight!"

As they back towards the thicker trees, they found themselves face to face with a wand tip. The Death Eater that Tonks had brought down a few moments ago was back on his feet. Her curse had clearly not been strong enough to knock him out for long. His mask was off, and he had a bloody gash on his cheek, but a sneering grin was spreading over his face as he raised his wand. Tonks didn't recognise him. Voldemort had more supporters now than ever before. She would not have been able to keep track of them even if she had wanted to.

Before either she or Remus could react, his head jerked backwards. Blood poured from his neck as his throat was slit by some invisible force. His eyes went blank as his wand fell from his grasp and he crashed to the floor.

Kingsley was standing behind him, his face set, his wand out, pointing towards the spot where the Death Eater's back had been seconds before. His nose was bleeding and there was a black mark under his eye, but he looked otherwise unharmed.

"Kingsley!" Tonks gasped. "We thought-"

"I'm ok!" Kingsley's voice was calm. "But we need to leave. Now. That's two dead but the third avoided the explosion. He won't be far away."

As they made towards him, all three of them felt it. A sudden, icy chill, as though they had just been plunged into an ice-cold lake, as if piercingly freezing water was seeping into every vein in the body.

Dementors. They had appeared suddenly, out of nowhere. Tonks could already see a couple of the hooded figures gliding between the trees towards them. She felt her whole body stiffen. They needed to leave this place, _had_ to disparate now, before it was too late. But the presence of dementors made that so much harder. They sucked away all feelings of calm and focus, so essential for apparition, leaving only a hopeless feeling that nothing was possible, that all was lost. She shook her head fiercely, trying to block out the darkness.

"Back to back," Kingsley ordered, preserving his auror of calm. "Patronuses on three. One, two, three…"

Tonks thought of Remus's warm eyes as they cast the incantation as one.

Two giant silver wolves and the silver lynx burst forth, their bright light radiating in all directions from where they stood, banishing the terrible sense of dread. Instantly Tonks's chest felt lighter, her mind clearer, but-

"LOOK OUT!"

The yell had come from Remus. He grabbed both her and Kingsley by the arm, pulling them down just in time. Tonks ignored the stab in her ankle as it twisted below her and she crashed down onto the damp ground. The third and final Death Eater had reappeared now, standing on a vantage point of a mound of earth several feet away. The jet of blue flame had missed them by inches and hit the tree behind them instead. The tree burst into flames.

"Disapparate!" Kinglsey commanded, over the sound of crackling wood, grabbing both their hands from their position on the floor. "Now!"

The second jet of flame was streaking towards them, but they had already twisted themselves into thin air. The curse scorched the ground just under the spot where their hands had been clasped, mere seconds before.

*******

Two hours later, after several detours to shake off any possible tails, Tonks, Remus and Kingsley sat on the threadbare sofas in the living room of their cottage.

The mission had, despite everything, been a success. Kingsley had retrieved everything he had needed. It had been he who had destroyed the house - disapparating to a spot further up the hill at the very last second - to eliminate any possible lasting evidence that might remain inside. The appearance of the dementors, however, had been completely unexpected. Kingsley had not detected them previously within a twenty-mile radius of the cottage, and therefore theorised that the Death Eaters had found a way to summon them instantly, by some kind of third-person apparition. This news was extremely unwelcome, yet another sign of the terrible, dark magic that was surrounding them in all directions, but at least they had responded to the patronuses. And two of their enemies were, at least, dead.

The injuries they had sustained were not severe. Kingsley's bloody nose was already cleaned up, and Tonks was icing her sore ankle. She would fix it properly when her hands stopped shaking. Remus was white and feeling as though he could be sick at any minute, but other than a bruise on his jaw, unhurt. His eyes, however, were dark with concern as he looked over at Tonks and asked the question that he had posed several times already.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. I'm fine." There was a warning tone to her voice to tell him that his overly concerned reaction was irritating her.

"Are you sure?"

She shot him a dark stare. She knew as well as he did that they had been lucky, but pestering her about it now was not going to put her in a better mood.

"Your wife knows what she's doing, Remus," Kingsley said reassuringly, looking between them. "I've been with her on enough Auror assignments to know that."

"See!" She widened her eyes at him threateningly, warning him not to say everything that was on his mind. But he just shook his head slightly.

"I've seen her keep her cool in some very difficult situations, some even more so than this," Kingsley went on.

"I'm well aware of that," Remus said impatiently, ignoring Tonks's flashing eyes and rounding on Kingsley, "but she wasn't four months pregnant on any of those assignments, was she?"

"You're pregnant?" Kingsley stared at his younger friend in shock as she glowered back at him. If it hadn't been for the near miss of the last few hours, and her irritation at the whole situation, she would have laughed at the note of serious alarm that had suddenly been injected into Kingsley's tone at the mere mention of a pregnant woman, after two hours of violence, destruction and death without so much as a panicked whisper from him.

Kingsley's gaze flicked from Tonks to Remus and his eyes darkened with understanding. "For Christ's sake Tonks, why didn't you say this morning? I would never have-"

"I'm fine," she interrupted. "I'm more than capable, pregnant or not."

The atmosphere was suddenly tense, all three of them avoiding the others' eyes.

"Look, I should get on," Kingsley said eventually, an uncharacteristic note of awkwardness in his voice. "I'm going to keep on the move for a while, do what I can to get a bit of structure into whatever Order work we can manage. But I will be in touch soon, even sooner if I find out something that I think you should know."

He sighed and got to his feet.

"Thank you for your help today, sincerely. If that information had fallen into the wrong hands… But if I'd known, I honestly wouldn't have - Well… congratulations, anyway. Both of you." He crossed the room and bent down to give Tonks a one-armed hug, but she refused to return it. Small though she was, she was a frightening figure, sitting hunched in her black robes, looking moodily towards the fireplace, her hair short, red and spiky. Kingsley released her, looking worried, before turning away to shake Remus's hand with a sympathetic grimace, and left.

"Why did you tell him?" Tonks snapped, her eyes glinting furiously, getting to her feet and glaring down at Remus the second they heard the door click shut behind Kingsley.

Remus glared right back at her.

"People will start to notice soon anyway, Dora. Pregnancy's the one thing you can't hide behind a morph, you know."

This was logical, in fairness. But she was in no mood for logic.

"You have no right to tell me or anyone else what I can or can't do. I can make my own decisions and I'm perfectly capable!"

"I never said you weren't capable-"

"Well good! Because I am! Kingsley didn't notice anything different today, did he?"

"Maybe not, but _I_ did," Remus looked pleadingly back at her. Tonks ignored the feeling deep down in her chest that he was right. She had felt right from the start that her reactions had been slower, her movements less agile than before, her heart rate faster than was usual for activity that had previously come to her with ease.

"You can't fight to the same standard at the moment," he continued quietly.

"Don't patronize me!"

"I'm _not_ patronizing you, I'm just saying it how it is. You're pregnant Dora – that takes its toll on your body. It's only normal. Your reactions were slower today, and you were in pain. Don't think I didn't notice."

For an instant, part of her wanted to give into the feeling of warmth that spread through her on hearing that he truly did know her better than anyone else in the world, that he had noticed her movements and her struggles and her pain and felt them as his own. But the other part of her, the fighting part of her, just wasn't prepared to admit defeat.

"Ok, but so what if I'm a bit slower? I'm still just as good at jinxes and hexes as I ever was. _I_ was the Auror remember?"

"Yes! And as the Auror, you should know even better than I do how costly the smallest of changes to your reaction times can be. One slow move can be fatal. You _know_ this."

She did know this. But the desire to keep doing something in this war, however dangerous it might be, was still resolutely stopping her from backing down. As if sensing a chink in the armour, Remus tried again.

"Look, I swore to your mother just days ago that I would protect you however I could, and letting you go out and fight when I have just had visible proof that you are not at physical peak for it is _not_ protecting you."

"But I don't need you to protect me. I can do that myself."

"Dora, I will not lose you." Remus was on his feet now too. He sounded angrier than she had ever heard him. Or was it anger? There was a strange note to his voice, a kind of strain. "Maybe not. Maybe you don't need protecting, but I have got to try and protect you anyway… for me. I- I can't lose you…I can't. Please, you must understand that. The thought of losing you… or our baby… is just too unbearable. And today… today… of all days," He was breathing heavily, his voice tailing off into broken, incoherent speech. His hands were in his thick, greying hair and his eyes were flooded with tiredness and worry.

About to bite back, still with plenty of fighting spirit in her, Tonks stopped herself. What did he mean by that, _today of all days_? What day was it? Surely she hadn't been so careless as to forget the full moon? She couldn't have done! He hadn't even started taking his Wolfsbane yet this month. Her eyes flicked to the lunar chart on the wall. Nowhere near. New moon, even.

Then she saw the date. And it came to her, hit her in such a flash of instant understanding that the anger was wiped from her mind as suddenly as it had come. It was November 1st. On this day, sixteen years ago, wizards all around the country would have been celebrating Voldemort's downfall. Tonks remembered the day well, although she had only been seven at the time. She remembered owls flying past her window by the dozen, fireworks being set off in broad daylight, pure commotion in every corner of every street. Her mother had explained what was going on and Tonks had tried to follow as best she could. It had been difficult at that age to fully appreciate the enormity of the situation, but even she had understood that something was different. It was as if the darkness - all she'd ever known in her young life - was giving way to something else, something lighter and easier and happier, something that she now understood to be peace.

And yet, as she now knew, among it all there had been some who had not rejoiced.

He had stopped speaking and was still glaring at her, no doubt preparing himself for another retort. But her previous anger at Remus was now directed at herself. How could she have only remembered this now, been so insensitive as to forget? She had spent this very date with him and Sirius just two years ago. It had been the only time, during that whole year spent mostly in the company of her two favourite people in the world, that she had not been able to lighten their mood at all. Remus had retired first, his face grey and his eyes full of exhaustion. The full moon had been fast approaching.

_Sirius looked pretty grim himself, but he stared at the empty doorway with pity and sadness for his friend written across his face. Then he turned to his cousin and completely surprised her with the rawness of his confession._

" _On 1_ _st_ _November, fourteen years ago, as I was sitting alone in a cell while the Ministry debated my fate. I didn't have much room in my head for anything other than what had just happened. I mourned Lily and James, still in total disbelief that they were gone. I thought of Harry, my poor little orphaned godson, who I thought I may never see again. I thought of Wormtail, treacherous piece of vermin, and I vowed revenge. And I thought of myself, my fate, my future… my absolute failure to protect my best friends."_

_Tonks waited, wondering what was coming next._

" _But a few days later, when I was in Azkaban with a life sentence, and everything was only just starting to sink in properly, I did think of old Moony. And I thought of him so often throughout those thirteen years, praying that he would get a fresh chance in a world without Voldemort, where maybe prejudices against werewolves would die down. I hoped so much that he could rebuild his life, even though none of his best friends or family were there to do that with him."_

_He raised his eyes and stared at her, and there was a haunted look behind the steel front that was his daily face to the world._

" _He didn't get that chance Tonks. He suffered. I've only properly realised, in the last few months, just how much he suffered back then. People think of Harry Potter when they remember that night. They think of Lily and James, taken too soon, murdered in cold blood and leaving an orphaned son behind. People who now know the truth about me think of an innocent man wrongly condemned to Azkaban for thirteen years. And, of course, what people remember most is Voldemort's downfall, the end of the war and the celebrations and years of peace that followed. But no one thinks of a poor, lonely werewolf whose life was ripped to shreds in the space of a few short hours. No one thinks of the man who has had to spend every year since reliving the loss of all the people left in this world that he loved most. Often with the threat of a fully-fledged werewolf transformation just days away."_

_Sirius stood up wearily, and as Tonks took this as her cue to leave, he said a few last words that she thought she would never forget, such was the unusual amount of emotion behind them. "Sometimes, when his mask slips and I see the pain of the last fifteen years, it's pretty much the only thing - apart from Harry, of course - that keeps my resolve to stay in this house, Prevents me from doing something stupid and getting myself caught. He lost everything fifteen years ago, but he's got me again, and now he's also got you, although it may take him a while to realise that. I just couldn't bear to see him lose anyone else."_

Her cousin's face faded from her memory and she found herself staring back into her husband's anguished brown eyes.

_Couldn't bear to see him lose anyone else._

She couldn't bear to lose him either.

He seemed to realise that she was not about to keep arguing back. "Please, no more fighting," he said, his voice now a whisper. "We'll help the Order in any way we can, Dora, but not like this. _Please_."

She could only nod in return, her throat constricted. It was all she could manage. "Ok," she whispered. "Ok - I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry," he said, taking her in his arms and stroking her hair, which was no longer red, but a deep, dusty shade of pink. "Just be here."

The argument was over. She could feel him shaking slightly against her, but the anger and frustration had gone from both sides.

They stayed there for a long time, embracing. The sun was nearly down now, crimson in the sky, its blood red glow seeping in through the window. A reminder, perhaps, of the terrible tragedy that had torn so many lives apart, sixteen years before.


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Grey**

* * *

**11** **th** **December 1997**

After several weeks of very little activity or proper news from anyone, it looked like monotony was going to overwhelm their lives once more. Neither of them were made to stay in hiding and do nothing during difficult times, and this feeling of helplessness was heightened further by the fact that they could not even see their friends properly anymore. With the Ministry now tracking the Weasleys' every move, the family had deemed it unsafe to meet up as a group, and although Fred and George were still sending them regular updates via their communicoins, it just wasn't the same as spending an evening laughing and joking together.

Tonks in particular felt frustrated. She knew that Remus wished they could do more to help the Order as well, but Remus was more patient than she was, more accepting of the need to wait and bide their time. Patience had never been one of her great virtues, and she was used to fighting, being in the thrill of the chase, the heart of the action. As a result, her mood was becoming more erratic with every passing day spent cooped up inside.

She did her best to keep on top of it, knowing that the spikes in irritation were being exacerbated by her pregnancy and that picking fights with her favourite (not to mention only) companion was hardly to be advised in the current climate. But try as she might, she couldn't help getting snappy with Remus, and then feeling guilty about it, which made her even more irritable, and so the cycle continued. Remus, to give him his due, managed to deflect her biting comments with well-placed jokes and calm conversation, often succeeding in cheering her up temporarily. Nevertheless, their mood was still low, worsened by grey, dreary skies, ever darkening evenings and the colder, wetter weather, not to mention the approach of the mid-winter full moon. Worst of all was the grim news of the war that trickled into them daily from various sources, and the terrible knowledge that they could never be sure what news was real and what was not.

Then, just as it felt like they really were reaching an all-time low, a way to help the Order without fighting finally came about.

Tonks was sitting on the sofa one afternoon flipping irritably through The Quibbler and Remus, not feeling very cheerful either, was unnecessarily rearranging some books on a shelf just for something to do, when the silver lynx appeared in their sitting room.

" _Can I come over tomorrow? I h_ _ave a proposition for you."_

Tonks looked eager, much more animated than she had in a long time, as she hurriedly sent the confirmation in return.

"I wonder what he wants! Don't worry-" she added, seeing that Remus was looking wary. "If it's anything too dangerous then I'll say no. But I don't think it will be!" She grinned suddenly. "Remember Kingsley's face when you told him I was pregnant! I've never seen him look so terrified, and we've worked together in the Auror department for five years!"

Glad they were now able to joke about the argument, Remus laughed too, and they spent the evening speculating what Kingsley's proposition could be. He arrived on the dot at eleven o'clock the next day and looked a little apprehensively at Tonks as Remus led him into the sitting room.

"I'm not going to bite your head off," she assured him cheerfully. "I'm sorry about last time. Just…hormones… you know…"

"But she's the only one who's allowed to use that excuse," Remus chipped in as he closed the door. His amused face contradicted his tone of voice. "Or the red, spiky hair will make a reappearance."

His wife, her eyes large and brown and her hair in soft, honey-coloured ponytail, smiled placidly up at them. Lounging on the sofa, wearing an oversized Hufflepuff sweatshirt and eating a bowl of cold apple crumble, left over from the night before, she certainly looked far less formidable than she had the last time Kingsley had seen her.

Kingsley chuckled too.

"Well, I'm glad everything's ok!"

Without further preamble he sat down on the sofa and eyed them both intently.

"I have a proposal for you. It's Order work, and it's not danger free, so of course you can say no if you don't feel comfortable, but it shouldn't, unless we are very unlucky, involve any fighting."

They both sat up with interest.

"We're setting up a news broadcast, to tell the public as much truthful knowledge as we can about what's going on in the war," Kingsley went on. "The real facts. The hard truth. The things that the Ministry are ignoring or downright lying about. And we want as many trustworthy people involved as we can get. I'd have been in touch about it sooner, but we've been working out a lot of the finer details and didn't want too many people to know until then."

"Who's we?"

"Well, Lee Jordan - you at least Remus, will remember him from when you taught at Hogwarts - has the equipment, and is keen to be the host of the broadcast. The Weasley twins, naturally, want to be involved – they were the ones who put me in touch with Lee in the first place - and they have been contacting a select few old school friends who they are sure they can trust. I'm doing the same with the Order."

Tonks was already looking excited as Kingsley continued.

"For a lot of people being involved might just mean passing on the news for us to broadcast. There probably won't be that many people willing to be on the live show, given that it is highly illegal, but I thought you two might like the challenge."

"Definitely!" Tonks said. Remus agreed too, although he still looked a tad uneasy.

"We'll be setting up secure locations," Kingsley added, seeing his face. "And changing them regularly. As I said, it isn't danger free, but when is Order work ever danger free? But we will have exit strategies and back up plans, and I think we've worked out the best way of proceeding as safely as we possibly can."

Remus nodded again with more enthusiasm, feeling reassured. It would feel so good to be doing _something_. "How will you get the news, though?" he asked. "It's pretty difficult to work out what's really going on at the moment!"

"We have managed to get people involved as far down as Cornwall and as far north as Glasgow," Kingsley replied. "Then we've got Dedalus over in Kent, of course. Everyone we recruit will be keeping their eyes and ears open for news and reporting it to us. Fred and George are also getting updates from Ginny at Hogwarts and are trying to get a few more people involved up north. I think they've already shown you their enchanted coins?" Remus and Tonks both nodded. "That's how we will contact each other to get updates on what is happening."

"And they're safe enough to use for something as serious as this?"

"I was sceptical at first," Kingsley acknowledged. "But I've had a good look at them, and they seem pretty secure to me, and of course they are ideal for those who can't cast a patronus. Much less complex and if anything less risky, as only the intended recipient can see what is written."

"And have you done any broadcasts already?" Tonks asked.

"Only done a couple of tests so far, but it seems that people are tuning in, and we hope to make them more frequent as the weeks go on."

"Well, we're in!" Tonks said at once. "When do we start?"

Kingsley grinned at her enthusiasm. "Actually, we've managed to secure a location for Sunday evening. I know it's short notice but if you want to join us then…"

He tailed off as Remus and Tonks both automatically slid their eyes towards the lunar chart that hung on the wall, their expressions suddenly sombre.

"Full moon, of course," Kingsley grimaced. "I'm so sorry Remus, I know it can't be easy that everyone else can forget it just like that."

Remus waved away the unnecessary apology.

"Well, the next one then?" Kingsley asked. "Should be only a few days later. If you can, tune into the one on Sunday – it will be early evening - then you can hear the sort of thing were going for. I'll note down the details for you."

Being a werewolf really did ruin everything, Remus though gloomily, but he fixed the smile on his face anyway as Kingsley scribbled a couple of notes on an old bit of parchment.

Tonks beamed at him once Kingsley had left, after promising to be back in touch in a few days. "This should be great!" she said in delight. "Actually doing something… not just sitting here in hiding feeling completely useless."

"I know!" Remus agreed. "Although I wish we could do this coming one."

Tonks just nodded in sympathy. "But it can't be helped, and anyway, it will be good to listen and see what it's like. Don't want to sound like complete idiots on our first one, do we? And speaking of the full moon, you should take your potion."

They went through into the kitchen, where the little cauldron sat bubbling away in the corner. Tonks pulled some leaves off the plant that sat on the windowsill and, stirring carefully, added them to the surface of the potion.

"Fifteen minutes exactly," she said.

He nodded, grateful, as he always was at this time of the month, that she was such a competent potion brewer, capable of making Wolfsbane to just as higher standard as Snape had done, but of course without the added dose of sarcastic comments that he had endured throughout his year at Hogwarts. The ready-made potion, formerly obtainable from St Mungo's, was now impossible to get anywhere, even if they could have afforded the exorbitant cost of it.

In the year following Remus's resignation from Hogwarts, most of the savings from his salary had gone on purchasing the potion for himself every month from the wizarding hospital. After months of full moon nights spent curled up in his office, calm and pain free, before waking up feeling a little sick and groggy, but otherwise fine, he just hadn't been able to bear the thought of going back to his agonising and solitary transformations. He had ordered it from St Mungo's every month and kept them at bay, and had deemed it worth the expense while he had the gold. But due to its need to be brewed fresh and taken for seven days out of every month, the cost of buying it ready-made was simply not sustainable for someone who couldn't hold down a job, and as potions had by far been his worst subject at school he had no hope of making it for himself. Even with heavy concessions in every other area of his expenditure, the money had lasted just over a year, enough for fourteen pain-free full moons. Knowing that it wouldn't stretch to a fifteenth and still allow him to feed himself, he had been about to admit defeat and return to his transformations of old. Sirius, of course, had had other ideas about this.

" _I'm sorry, what?" Sirius asked his friend, his face twisted in confusion, one early autumn evening._

" _I just won't be here the night of the full moon, that's all."_

" _But why?"_

" _Well, you know I'll be on that mission up in Newcastle from this weekend, and travelling is always more difficult and more tiring on the day of the full moon, so I just figured I'd stay somewhere up there for an extra night... Just so I don't accidentally apparate myself somewhere unwanted."_

_Sirius eyed him, his usual shrewd stare as x-ray like as ever._

" _So just ask someone else to take your place on the mission, or come back a couple of days early. You've been doing loads lately, Remus, and people will understand. And the full moon's not until the end of_ next _week. That's plenty of time to get someone to take your place!"_

" _I'll be fine."_

" _Well, get someone to do side along for returning then, just to make sure you don't end up in the wrong place. You're great at apparition, anyway. You got even better marks than me and James on your test. You won't need much guidance just to make sure you get back here safely. And Hestia's going to Newcastle as well, I know you don't mind speaking to her about-"_

" _I'll be fine." Remus repeated curtly. "I'd just rather stay overnight, that's all."_

_But Sirius's eyes were narrowed in suspicion. Remus was wishing he had left this plan as a last-minute surprise when there was nothing that could be done about it. Which he almost had. Except that he'd had a nagging worry that Sirius would just throw caution to the winds if he received a message saying that Remus was unwell and unable to apparate home from a mission on the night of the full moon, and leave the house to come and help him. Getting Sirius to swallow a casually delivered cover story in plenty of time had seemed like the sensible option. He should, of course, have known better._

" _You're not planning on staying in Newcastle, are you?" Sirius said quietly. "You're planning on going back to your parents' old house, like you used to…"_

_Remus kept his face blank, but he couldn't hold Sirius's gaze. Sirius had always been able to read him as easily as the newspaper that lay on the table in front of them._

" _You can't afford Wolfsbane this month," Sirius finished. It wasn't a question._

_Remus swallowed then relented. "No," he admitted. "I can't."_

" _Bloody hell, Remus, why didn't you just say? I'll give you money for the potion."_

" _Absolutely not."_

" _But -"_

" _No."_

" _For God's sake!"_

" _You know I'm not going to back down on this Padfoot."_

_Sirius's eyes were flinty. "Well,_ Moony _. This time, you're just going to_ have _to back down. Because fuck are you going to go to an abandoned old house in the middle of nowhere, to spend an agonising transformation all on your own, inflicting god knows what injuries on yourself, when you could be upstairs in your room, comfortable and safe and completely harmless, ready for me to come and check you're ok in the morning."_

" _I'll be fine."_

" _I have an absolute ton of gold in my vault at Gringotts that I can't go out and spend even if there were things I wanted to buy with it, which there aren't," Sirius scowled at him. "You're taking the money you need for the potion and you're going to order it from St Mungo's today."_

" _No, Sirius, I'm not." Remus glared right back at him._

_For a second Sirius's eyes blazed, then he just shrugged, picking up the newspaper and opening it as he replied._

" _Very well, I'll go to St Mungo's myself. Tonks can come with me – a pet dog needs an owner after all. We'll order it in person, and it'll be ready for you to take in two days' time."_

_Remus looked stonily back, his expression unchanged. But he had been outplayed. He didn't think that Sirius would really set out to St Mungo's. Despite his annoyance at Dumbledore and his disgust of the house that he'd grown up in, he was staying inside as promised, for Harry's sake. But he almost certainly_ would _tell Tonks, and that was a humiliation that Remus definitely didn't want to have to deal with, not with his ever-evolving feelings towards his best friend's younger cousin. Not to mention the fact that having one member of the Black family on his case was quite enough for the time being._

_He screwed up his forehead, trying to think of a third solution, before admitting defeat. "Ok," he said, at last. "Ok."_

" _Good." Sirius did not even look up from the paper._

" _Thanks, Padfoot," Remus added quietly. "I really appreciate it. Honestly."_

_Sirius merely rolled his eyes._

So, Remus had continued to take Wolfsbane throughout that year, any guilt he felt at accepting charity eclipsed by the glorious lack of pain and discomfort every full moon. And after Sirius's death, just as going back to his lonely transformations in the ruined rooms of his parents' old house had seemed inevitable, Dumbledore had taken him aside and explained that the Order really needed a spy among the werewolves, and Remus had immediately thrown himself into the task. As a spy, there had been no need for Wolfsbane at all, and cuts and bruises after a transformation had been the least of his worries. The fact that he hadn't bitten anyone and infected someone else with the beastly affliction during that terrible time was down to luck more than anything else.

When he had finally come around and admitted his feelings for Dora, and the two of them had embarked on a proper, committed relationship, Tonks had started making the potion for him herself. The ingredients were far less costly than the ready-made potion and, although it was a time consuming and fiddly process, Tonks had assured him that she was more than up to the task of making it. _"Even Snape couldn't find much to criticise in my potion making at school Remus. Believe me, I know what I'm doing."_

At first Remus had protested - more out of habit than anything - that he was not worried about that, but that she should not go to so much effort and trouble just for him. Tonks had rolled her eyes and ignored him, and, as always, he had accepted defeat. He had already learnt that if Nymphadora Tonks wanted something, she was most likely to get it in the end, so like her cousin in that regard. And so she continued to make it for him like clockwork every month, and the relief that he could stay safely in the house every month on the night of the full moon was sometimes indescribable, when he thought of what the alternatives would be.

He watched her now with deep affection as she carefully watered the plant on the windowsill. Its black leaves quivered slightly as she did so. Moonwort, a key ingredient in Wolfsbane, had been the trickiest thing to source, as it needed to be added to the potion fresh every day in the run up to the full moon, and was an extremely delicate plant to cultivate. Apothecaries were running lower and lower as the miserable, damp climate killed their live stock of it, but luckily, they had managed to obtain a whole bag of seeds just before moving into the new house. Tonks tended to the plant very carefully every day and in the relatively mild climate of southern England, with Tonks's assiduous care, it was doing fine.

"It's good practice, really!" she said, as she cast a quick charm to check that the moisture levels were correct. "For when I have the baby. I mean, if I can't tend to Warty properly, what chance do I have of looking after an actual live human being?"

"Warty?" Remus enquired, grinning.

"Well he's got to have a name!"

"As long as you're not suggesting calling our baby Warty. That would just be cruel, especially if they went through a spotty stage."

"Was thinking more like Bertie, actually?"

" _Bertie_?" Remus looked equally unimpressed.

"It's cute! And it can be for a boy or a girl."

"Ok, quite apart from the fact that Bertie for a girl is just cruel, and Bertie for a boy makes it sound like you're going to give birth to a seventy-year-old Grandad, I have just one word for you… _Bott._ Do you want our kid bullied senseless every time the sweet trolley goes past on the Hogwarts Express?"

"Ok! Ok! Fair point…" She stirred the potion clockwise, then anticlockwise, then pulled a final leaf off the plant and added it.

Remus wrinkled his nose as the Moonwort dissolved and turned the potion a murky shade of grey. Moonwort was what made it taste so disgusting, and it smelled almost as bad.

Tonks just smirked at his revolted face as she always did.

"Yes, well. Boy or girl, Bertie or not, our own little one will smell worse than this at times, Remus! You'd better get used to it!"


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Blue**

* * *

**16th December 1997**

Just a few days later, Tonks felt almost electric as they made their preparations for their first contribution to _Potterwatch_. They had tuned into the show on the evening of the full moon and been most impressed. Between them, Kingsley, Lee Jordan and one of the Weasley twins – they weren't quite sure which - had done a remarkable job of giving out the necessary news tactfully and respectfully, while still managing to keep a light-hearted tone to the conversation. Even Remus had found himself laughing along, despite his pending night of isolation and transformation being just hours away.

The day before their broadcast, Kingsley had briefed them on the main items of news for that week, and the location that had been chosen. The weather was icy as they appeared with a soft pop in the exact coordinates that Kingsley had given them, right outside a deserted barn in a field. Tonks shivered a little, her breath escaping in a misty cloud.

From the outside, the barn looked completely empty and desolate. Glad she had put on her thickest fur lined cloak, but rather wishing she had eaten more food before setting off, Tonks raised her hand and gave the coded knock on the door. Two seconds later, the door swung open and the friendly face of Fred Weasley ushered them inside.

Tonks's mouth fell open, her eyes widening. Lee Jordan was sitting in a soft red armchair over in the corner of the now brightly lit interior of the barn. He was fiddling with some complex looking machinery that was balanced on central table, that four other equally soft looking armchairs, encircled. Kingsley, who standing next to one of the curtained windows, muttering incantations, kept his focus but raised his hand to acknowledge them.

"Welcome to our studio," Fred said waving airily towards Lee's corner. A couple of large glass containers holding bright blue flames sprung up beside the chairs, making the space even brighter than it had been.

"This is… not what I was expecting!" Tonks said to Fred, impressed. "How long have you been here?"

"Only fifteen minutes or so," Fred smirked at her expression. "Surely you didn't think we'd have you sitting around on hay bales in the freezing cold and dark, did you? That would be no way to treat a pregnant lady!"

"You don't qualify as an Auror without being willing to rough it, thank you very much Mr Weasley," Tonks huffed back, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't need to be wrapped in cotton wool, even if this baby is using my stomach as its personal fridge and my bladder as a trampoline."

"Well… we've added some facilities round the back there," Fred said innocently, gesturing towards a partition at the back of the barn and winking at Remus. "Thought you might appreciate it. Of course, if you'd prefer to rough it-"

But Tonks just flashed him a grateful grin and hurried over to investigate.

"Ok, that's the last of the protective enchantments," Kingsley said, after a few more flicks of his wand towards the door. "How's the set-up looking, Lee?"

"Seems all fine, signal is strong. Fifteen minutes until we go live," Lee said briskly. "Let's go over code names for this week."

He turned to Remus as Tonks re-joined them and explained as they each took an armchair opposite him. "We've decided that we'll change our code names each week. Using the next letter of the alphabet each time. That way, even if someone isn't able to tune in every time, they will still know how many broadcasts have taken place since the last one they heard. It will be hard to keep track otherwise, given that it could be a anything from a couple of days to a few weeks.

"Clever!"

"This one you'll be C then," Tonks said. "Your last one was brilliant, by the way. Were you Beaver?" she turned to Fred.

Fred snorted. "Absolutely not. George can take the rodent theme, if it suits him, but I'm going for something a little cooler, I think."

"I still like the vegetable idea," Lee murmured absent-mindedly while he fiddled with some more dials on his instrument. "Carrot this week, and you're definitely an Eggplant."

"Funny," said Fred. "But I've decided on Cutlass. Nothing more badass than a pirate weapon."

"As you wish, Cutlass," Lee said, straightening an antenna. "Well, that fits in I suppose. I'm Compass for this week, and Kingsley is going to be Captain. What about you two?" He turned to Remus and Tonks.

"Err... ooh, I don't know. You could have given us a bit more warning!" Tonks exclaimed. "It's hard to come up with something like this on the spot."

"Got to keep up those Auror think-on-your-feet skills now, haven't we!" Fred said brightly.

"C… Ca, C –," Tonks rolled the consonant round her tongue as she tried to come up with something suitable. "Camembert," she finished, under her breath.

Four grinning faces turned to her.

"Camembert?" Remus looked both unimpressed and amused. "You want your first ever broadcast of a serious wartime news report - in which many of your friends and old colleagues might recognise your voice, by the way - to go out under the pseudonym of a mould-ripened cheese?"

Fred doubled over with silent laughter.

"Ok maybe not, but I'm starving," Tonks shot back. "I just can't stop feeling hungry. I'm going to end up the size of an elephant seal at this rate! Especially as all I want to eat is cheese and chocolate."

"Oh wait, I've got just the thing!" Still chortling, Fred dug in his pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar wrapped in silver foil. "Replenishing chocolate!" he said brightly, handing it to her. "Recent invention. Won't last forever mind, and George insists that it loses its taste a little each time – although I can't really tell - but it should stop you passing out from hunger during this broadcast."

"You really do know what pregnant women need, don't you?" she exclaimed, reaching out for it. Then she paused, looking wary. "It is safe, isn't it?"

"Would I really ever give you something unsafe?" Fred said, in mock indignation.

She and Remus merely raised their eyebrows.

He looked more serious. "It's safe, I promise. Been tested not only on myself and George, but the entire Weasley clan. And I assure you, even I have grown up enough to know that if I gave a hungry, pregnant Auror some dangerous chocolate just before she went live on an illegal wartime radio broadcast, it would probably the last thing I ever did. And I can't kick the bucket just yet, I've already planned to be Samurai for the S broadcast!"

With chocolate to settle her grumbling stomach, Tonks turned back to the issue of her codename. "Something colourful," she mused, watching the chocolate with interest as broke off a chunk. It instantly began to grow back into a full bar.

"You could be a different colour every time you come on." Lee suggested. "How about Coral for this week?"

"Ooh I like that! Not Coral, though. Sounds a bit weedy." She screwed up her face in thought for a minute, before coming to a decision and forcing her hair into a bright, electric blue. "Cobalt!"

"Nice! Fine by me," Lee turned to Remus. "And you can be Cub."

He raised an eyebrow but, with no better suggestion, conceded. "Next time I'll be thinking well in advance for my codename I think."

"Five minutes to live," Kingsley muttered.

Lee nodded, suddenly business-like. "Ok, we know what we're doing – I'll introduce and do the casualty list, and the minutes' silence. Captain gives the update on the general state of affairs. Then over to Cobalt for some top defence tips, make sure your mouth isn't full of chocolate when your turn comes," he grinned wickedly at her and she merely rolled her eyes.

"Then Cub will give this new "Pals of Potter" idea a go, based on the limited knowledge we have of Harry at the moment, and we'll end with Cutlass, hopefully to finish on a lighter note. But it's all largely unscripted remember. Chip in whenever you like."

A tense static seemed to fill the air as Remus squeezed his wife's hand and she took a deep breath in preparation. Suddenly, she felt as alive as her vivid blue hair. No, this wasn't fighting. No, she wouldn't have the satisfaction of hitting an evil wizard square in the chest and blasting them to smithereens. But doing something productive, not to mention illegal, had brought along a surge of adrenaline she had not felt for months.

"And three… two … one," Lee began to speak a little louder as the dials on his instrument before them began to glow and spin.

"Welcome to our third official broadcast of _Potterwatch_ , the show that tells the news as it really is. I'm your host, Compass, and wherever you are joining us from, we hope that you are staying safe and spreading the word about _Potterwatch_ as best you can."

"Only to trustworthy people of course," Fred chipped in. "Your pureblood fanatic great aunt who thinks that Death Eaters are God's gift to humanity can stick to listening to her censured, Ministry-approved channels, and I have an idea of where she can stick the radio after she's done listening, as well."

"Indeed," Lee went on. "And that charming input was from one of our regulars, Cutlass. Also joining us tonight: Captain, and two new correspondents that we hope we shall be hearing a lot more of as well in the coming weeks, Cub, and Cobalt. Good evening all!"

"Good evening!" they chorused.

"We have a jam-packed schedule for you tonight listeners, plenty of useful information that we hope will help to keep you safe and informed in these difficult times. But first, and as always, the worst part of the broadcast."

"It is with regret that we must announce the death of Florian Fortescue, former shop owner in Diagon Alley, and much beloved by all those who knew him. Florian, who disappeared in the summer of last year, was confirmed dead just two days ago. We believe that he escaped his initial captors and has been in hiding these many months since his disappearance. The evidence shows that he put up a real fight to the end, and it is unknown who exactly was responsible for the attack, but it appears that there were several of them, an act of pure cowardice.

"The Perks family, of Wootton-under-Edge, also lost their lives this weekend in a brutal attack on their home," Lee continued soberly. "We believe it was Fiendfyre that burned it to the ground, with no survivors, another despicable act against innocent and unarmed people. Our thoughts are with the rest of their family and friends at this terrible time."

"We know, of course, that these confirmed names are just a fraction of the devastation and tragedy that has occurred this week alone, and I would like to ask you to join me in a minute's silence, for Florian, the Perks family, and anyone else, unnamed but no less important, who has lost their lives in the fight against the dark side."

Silence fell over the little barn, and Remus and Kingsley exchanged particularly sombre glances. They had both known Florian at school. Tonks thought sadly of her trips to Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. It had been a great favourite with both her and her dad.

The silence came to an end and Lee resumed.

"Now, over to Captain. Captain, could you just give us a general overview of the situation in the wizarding world and muggle world alike, and any vital information that you think our listeners ought to know?"

Kingsley's deep voice must calm his listeners as well, Tonks thought, as it filled the little room. He had always had this effect on her, ever since had first joined the Auror ranks, and however friendly she became with him and however much they laughed and joked together, she felt that she would never be anything but deeply in awe of this man.

"Well, the first thing to say is - and some of you will have heard this already but it is crucial to inform any new listeners - that You-Know-Who's real name is now strictly taboo. Saying the V word out loud causes a serious magical disturbance and will allow the speaker to be instantly trackable. While we are not sure on the exact parameters for this curse, we do know that it is best to be as safe as possible. For those of you who have never spoken his name aloud, keep doing what you're doing. For those of you who believe, as a great old friend of ours used to say, that "fearing a name increases fear of the thing itself" – well, I'm afraid that nowadays _speaking_ the name does a great deal worse than that. Please be sensible. Now is not a time for bravado or carelessness, and simply sticking to saying "You-Know-Who" and telling other people to do the same could save a lot of lives."

"I think we should come up with our own name for him!" Fred put in. "You Know Who doesn't quite do justice to the poor opinion we have of him, really, does it?"

"I'm not sure any words could express that," Lee said gravely. "Not within our desire to keep this clean for listeners of all ages anyway!"

"How about _Mouldy Wart_?" Tonks suggested, speaking for the first time. She was thoroughly enjoying this already.

"Not bad," Fred agreed. "Bit close to the real thing. _Mouldy Butt Face_ also has a nice ring to it."

"If I may make a suggestion," Remus said, his voice steady, winking nevertheless at Fred, while Tonks stuffed her fist in her mouth to stop herself laughing out loud. "Perhaps something like _The Chief Death Eater_ may be more appropriate. We need to remember that whatever we call him, he is a terrible and serious threat, the greatest our world has ever known. Some listeners may not take kindly to the apparent flippancy behind, um-" he coughed, " _Mouldy Butt Face_."

Tonks was concentrating very hard on her chocolate bar, which looked completely untouched despite the many bites she had taken of it, her mouth still twitching.

"Right you are, Cub my friend," Lee said. "Well viewers, just to confirm, we will refer to You Know Who as _The Chief Death Eater_ in future on this broadcast, although if you wish to refer to him as _Mouldy Butt Face_ in the privacy of your own home, that is entirely up to you and encouraged by us all here at _Potterwatch_."

"Of course," he went on, more seriously. "Cub is entirely correct in saying that we should not be flippant about such matters, and we hope our listeners know that our light-hearted moments here on _Potterwatch_ are in no way intended to cause offence, rather to try and bring you a smile – even if it is just a small one - in these troubled times. We, of all people, understand how serious things really are out there."

"That's right," Kinglsey continued, resuming his own update. "And the situation gets more critical by the week. Muggles are being slaughtered by the dozen in cold blood, while muggle authorities struggle to understand the mysterious deaths that keep occurring across the country. Dementors are breeding quicker than ever and will continue to do so at an exponential rate throughout the colder months. Muggles, who of course cannot see Dementors, do not understand the reason for the cold mists that have been present in their communities for months now, and are putting it down to unseasonal weather fronts. Nor do they understand the terrible feeling of sadness that accompanies it. Depression is at an all-time high in the muggle world, and even with everything that is happening in ours, we ask you to feel compassion for our non-magical comrades who are also suffering greatly from this war, completely blind to what is causing it."

"In the wizarding world, Muggle-born wizards on the run across the country are being rounded up by Ministry officials and snatchers as we speak. Snatchers in particular are using whatever means necessary to bring them in."

"And could you give us a little briefing, Captain, for the benefit of our new listeners, on exactly what snatchers are?"

"Of course," Kingsley nodded. "From the limited knowledge we have of them, it would seem that snatchers are individuals across the country who are supportive of the Ministry's new regime, and of the Death Eaters, both chief and otherwise, but have not been accepted into either of these organisations' darkest and most privileged inner circles. They will not have the Dark Mark branded on their arm and they may be wearing any old robes, as opposed to Death Eaters, who tend to stick to their iconic black robes and golden masks. They are often people who have been otherwise shunned by society, either because of ability or status, just doing this work for a bit of extra gold, and therefore are likely to be a lot less skilled than your average dark wizard."

"However," he continued. "This makes them more dangerous in some ways. There are a great many of them and they may be anywhere, in the streets in plain sight, or in the woods where you may think it is safe to take a walk. They may resemble outcasts and runaways like many of the Muggle-borns currently in hiding. We strongly advise that you do not approach any unknown figures while out and about. If individuals should ask you for help, then of course, we would never discourage you from doing this. But please be vigilant, always, for potential traps."

"Thank you Captain! Is there anything else you would like to add?"

"Just a couple of things for now. Firstly, if you feel that you are unsafe in your workplace, stop going to work. We understand that income is vital too, but we will be sharing advice in future broadcasts on how to survive in hiding in these times. Please, above all, put your safety first."

"And finally, to those who are wishing to go abroad. Although we do not necessarily advice against this, please remember that abroad does not mean safe. We are regularly hearing reports of British wizards and witches, particularly Muggle-borns, getting as far as Germany, the States, even Australia, before being stopped by authorities, and subjected to harsh punishments. If you are planning on going abroad, do your research and do not draw any unnecessary attention to yourself. And, as it is unlikely we will be able to broadcast into foreign airwaves, good luck to you all!"

"And, for the pasty ones among us, remember to pack sun block if you're headed to warmer climates!" Lee finished. "And now, to one of our new correspondents, Cobalt. Cobalt is highly skilled in defence and will be giving you all a few tips on what you can do at home, to stay safe."

As Lee nodded at her, Tonks's heart gave a throb of nerves, but this was dispelled the instant she started to speak.

"Well, as Captain has said, the threat is everywhere," she said calmly. "One wrong move, one slip, could make the difference between life and death, either your own or that of a friend or relative. We all need to be alert, and cautious, and prepare ourselves for the worst-case scenario."

"Do I hear a hint of… _constant vigilance_?" Fred said, raising his eyebrows at her. He had screwed up his face in an uncanny impression of Mad-Eye Moody.

"Constant vigilance absolutely, but not paranoia!" Tonks agreed, warming up even further at the thought of her old friend and mentor. "That is a crucial difference. There is no sense - none at all - in dreading every second of every day that you may be attacked. Of course, we appreciate that some of us will find it easier to calm their anxieties at this time than others. But try and rationalise as much as you can and know that there is always something you can do to prepare."

"And what are you three top tips of the day for preparing for an attack, or an unexpected and unwanted turn of events?" Kingsley asked, nodding at her, reassuring her that she was doing well.

"Number one, keep practising your spell work as much as you can," Tonks said. "And I'm not necessarily talking about big curses or jinxes either. Even little spells, household and the like, can be useful. It's about keeping your wand as much a part of you as your arms or your legs. A lot of wizards forget how important this is, and how rusty your magic can get through lack of use over time."

This was true, Remus thought grimly, thinking of how out of practice he had been after his years as an outlaw in the muggle world. He gazed proudly at his wife, and she beamed back at him before continuing.

"Number two, physical fitness is just as important," Tonks went on. She cast a slightly sheepish look at Remus as she said this, acknowledging that in their argument of a few weeks previously he had been completely right. "A lot of us are in hiding right now, locked in our houses, losing the simple fitness we get from meeting up with friends, going for a long walk, or even just wandering round the shops. Getting into some sort of daily exercise regime, even if it is a short one, could make a big difference."

"Are you saying that I'm going to need to start doing fifty push ups every morning?" Fred groaned.

"Surely our former quidditch cup winning beater is not afraid of a little arm work out?" Tonks replied in mock horror. "But no, it doesn't have to be push ups, or anything particularly painful… just something that keeps you on your feet, keeps your blood going, and means that if you do need to suddenly exert a bit of extra physical activity, your body won't be completely unaccustomed to it."

"Finally for now, and going on from what I said earlier, try not to worry constantly that you are about to be attacked. Experiment with ways to stay calm and compartmentalise your fears, whether it is through exercise, hobbies, or talking to friends and family. Take control of what you can control and try to accept the things you can't. Worrying means you suffer twice, after all."

"Ooh, nicely said!" Fred exclaimed. "Did you come up with that yourself?"

"As much as I resent your tone of surprise… no. The credit for that goes to Newt Scamander. It's etched on the wall in the Hufflepuff common room."

She felt suddenly a little alarmed, worryied that this was an additional element of her identity that shouldn't be giving away on live radio, but a quick glance at Lee and Kingsley told her it was fine.

"Well, as a brave and chivalrous Gryffindor, I would hardly know that, would I," Fred retorted. "Although," he added hastily, "we do of course encourage all listeners to show firm unity during this time, whatever trivial grudges or rivalries may have stood between you in the past. Indeed, at the moment we are hearing a lot of blanket criticisms and prejudice towards all those who belong - or used to belong - to Slytherin house. I never thought that I'd one day find myself saying this, not when I was merrily bludgering Slytherino slime balls off their broomsticks on the Hogwarts quidditch pitch, but do remember that being a Slytherin, either former or present, is _not_ automatically synonymous with evil-pondscum-of-the-earth-Death-Eater, as a lot of people seem to think."

Tonks nodded in silent agreement. This had been one of her own requests for some input during their catch up with Kingsley the previous day. Her mother had been in Slytherin, she'd reminded them fiercely. Not all Slytherins were evil, and people would do well to remember that.

"Quite right, Cutlass," Lee agreed. "Yes, some Slytherins have gone on to become dark wizards and yes You Know Who was once one himself. But there are many Slytherins out there just as terrified of the current situation as we are. We need to remember that there is only one real enemy at the moment, and it is by uniting and putting past grudges aside that we will have the best chance of getting through this together."

"And speaking of Gryffindor," Lee went on, "we now turn our attention to possibly the most famous Gryffindor of them all, The Boy Who lived, The Chosen One, and the namesake of this broadcast: Harry Potter himself. We have decided to introduce a new feature, one that we hope will prove very popular: _Pals of Potter_ , in which we give you updates, theories and inspirational stories from supporters of The Boy Who Lived. Leading this tonight will be our other new correspondent Cub. Cub, first and foremost, do you believe that Harry Potter is still alive?

"I do," Remus said. "We may not have heard from him in months, but we have also heard nothing concrete about him from anyone else. They may not be reporting many of the incidents that we know to be important, but the death of Harry Potter would cause a terrible blow in our moral, and strikes me as something that they would most certainly broadcast if they had any evidence of it. At this stage, I firmly believe that no news is very much good news."

"And do you have any advice on how people might be able to show their support to The Boy Who Lived, when no one knows where he is?"

"I would advise reading _The Quibbler_ , for one," Remus replied. "It has come a long way from the days in which it made no more sense reading it upside down then the right way up. _The Quibbler_ has Harry's back, tells it like it is, and it may even sway a few sceptics out there. Let us not forget that it was _The Quibbler_ that first published that exclusive interview with Harry two years ago, one that alerted a lot of people to You Know Who's return in the first place. The more people who can get behind Harry, the better."

"But don't worry die hard _Quibbler_ fans, you'll still be able to find out if your potatoes are infested with Skollybogs," Tonks added. She had been reading the article that very afternoon.

"Very true," Remus agreed. "They say nothing kills a French fry like a Skollybog. Double the reason to take out that subscription! In other Potter reports, and while I would never normally encourage graffiti, it is heartening to hear from numerous sources up and down the country that wizards everywhere are writing messages to Harry wherever they are. He may never see them, but on the off chance he does, you have no idea of the moral boost you could give him."

"And, do you have any words to Harry right now?" Lee said. "We know, of course, that he almost certainly can't hear us, but on the off chance that he tunes into our airwaves, what would you say to him?"

There was a silence. Remus thought of all the things he would love to say to Harry at that moment. "I would say that he is not alone," he said eventually, "however much it might seem like it."

"And I would tell him how many of us are grateful to him, in more ways than we can explain, for his fighting spirit, and determination, and absolute refusal to back down in the face of something he believes to be wrong."

Remus nodded to Lee to indicate that he was done. The thought of Harry, of their last encounter and the words that had been spoken, was still a little bit too raw.

"Thank you Cub! And finally before we leave you, over to Cutlass, for a final word on how you might stay positive in these difficult times."

"Well, I would like to remind our listeners that Christmas is fast approaching," Fred said brightly. "It may not be the Christmas we all wanted and may be a subdued affair compared to previous celebrations, but that doesn't mean that you cannot find ways to make this time a little brighter! Put up those lights, wrap those presents, decorate those Christmas trees! If you don't celebrate Christmas, then why not create your own celebration of How-much-colour-can-I-get-in-my-house day? Fill your rooms with glitter and paper chains and tinsel, and relish in the idea that our dear Death Eater pals would absolutely hate such a garish display of merriment."

"Or why not take inspiration from our young friends at Hogwarts, where, we hear, random Christmas trees keep springing up in the corridors? And these do more than sit in the corner twinkling and looking pretty, I can assure you. My sources tell me that only yesterday evening, Severus Snape, who as we all know is failing miserably at filling Albus Dumbledore's mighty shoes, was bashed on the head by a particularly excitable Norwegian spruce as he patrolled past one in the corridors.

"I wonder if he is still picking pine needles out of the grease," Tonks laughed.

"As to that Cobalt, there can surely be little doubt. Maybe a whack over the head with a Christmas tree will finally encourage him to wash his hair. And to those responsible, keep up the good work, dear friends. We are with you in spirit!

"That we are," Lee agreed. "Well, listeners that is all we have time for today, but we'll be back soon, hopefully at least once more before Christmas itself, to bring you the real news. The next password will be Fawkes. For now, stay safe, stay well, put up those bonce-bashing Christmas trees (although we take no responsibility for any concussions that may result from this), and goodnight!"

The dials slowed and the lights on the equipment faded. The five of them looked round at each other. In spite of the intensity of the last half hour, they were all smiling.

"It feels so good to be doing something," Tonks sighed. "Even if it doesn't feel like enough."

"It always feels like that, in difficult times," Kingsley said softly. "Always feels like nothing you do will ever be enough. But remember Tonks, that if even one person is saved by the advice that you, or any of us gave tonight, then you have still done something. And to someone out there, that something may be worth _everything_."

"Aye Aye, Captain," Fred grinned.

"Was that Ginny who did the Christmas trees?" Tonks turned to him eagerly. "Sounds like Weasley involvement to me!"

"Yep," Fred laughed. "Luna and Neville helped, of course, but all her idea. God love her. To think I used to worry that she'd turn out to be a nerdy little swot like Percy."

"And _Mouldy Butt Face_ ", Tonks suddenly snorted. "That was too funny. I don't know what has happened to my sense of humour but it appears to have been reduced to that of a six-year-old!"

"I'm guessing this won't be your last contribution to Potterwatch then," Lee said, laughing too.

"Definitely not!"

"We might have a few other contributors soon," Kingsley said. "Probably less regular than us, but they are keen just the same. Hestia and Dedalus in particular. They're in charge of safeguarding Harry's aunt and uncle, and I think realising what they are like has made them all the more determined to help Harry however they can. And Sturgis might do the odd contribution too. He'll be another good one for lightning the mood."

"What did we decide about Dung?" Fred asked.

Kingsley sighed. "Not trustworthy enough to be on live, I think. But he has eyes and ears in a lot of places, and his information may be invaluable. I'll decide how best to approach him."

"So will people be able to tune in to it even now we're off air?" Remus asked Lee. He nodded.

"Only for a week or so though, to avoid confusion and possible panic if someone were to tune into out-of-date information. We'll give the same main messages each time about safety and stuff so people shouldn't miss out on the essential points."

He turned a final dial, and then waved his wand, and the equipment began packing itself away.

"I've made some adjustments to this instrument so that each broadcast will be available even after it was live, by finding the right channel and using the password. But it will be completely untraceable. This is to our advantage if someone we don't want listening manages to tune into a non-live broadcast; it makes it harder to track us or work out a pattern to our movements!"

"You really have thought of everything," Remus said, impressed. He looked over at his wife, who was still smiling, but now looking rather mournfully down at the wrapper in her hand. Her last bite appeared to have finished it off, and all that remained was empty foil.

"Time to get you home for some proper food maybe?" he suggested. "Otherwise the next piece of news on _Potterwatch_ might be _powerless werewolf savaged by cannibalistic wife_..."


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Yellow**

* * *

**17** **th** **December 1997**

"What colours begin with D?" Tonks asked, the next day, through a mouthful of melted cheddar into which she was dipping large chunks of crusty bread. They had sadly not been able to source any camembert, and apparently it was not good for the baby anyway, although as this was something they had read in the Quibbler several months previously, neither of them were sure how true it was.

"Dark Green?" Remus replied. He unscrewed the lid off a bottle of non-alcoholic butterbeer and poured them both a glass. The liquid, though a few shades paler than the real version, still tasted good and had a similar warming effect. She took the drink with thanks but gave him an unimpressed look at his comment.

"Dark Blue?" he suggested instead, raising an eyebrow. "Ok, fine… what about Diamond?"

"Better…" Tonks agreed, sipping her drink. "But isn't that kind of a prostitute-y name?"

"My dearest Dora, do you really think _I_ know any prostitute names?" Remus said drily. "Am I getting any of that by the way?" he nodded in amusement at the plate of cheese.

"Nope," Tonks said, cheerfully digging her bread into it again. "But there's more in the kitchen if you want it. This isn't dinner by the way," she hastened to clarify. "Just a predinner snack! I've already put the chicken in the oven."

"I figured." He took a piece of bread, knowing better than to take some of her precious cheese at such a crucial time as predinner, and chewed it, thinking.

"Daisy," he said, eventually.

"Daisy isn't a colour!" Tonks shot back at once. "It's a flower-"

She broke off, her eyes widening with slight alarm as there was a knock on the door. Looking a little uneasy himself, Remus said, "It'll be someone we know, only people we trust know our address. And anyway, those we don't know would hardly knock."

Sure enough, Bill Weasley stood on the doorstep, smiling at them, with a basket over one arm.

"Everything's fine!" he reassured them at once, seeing their anxious faces as he stepped into the house. "Just came for a couple of things. Firstly, to bring you this." He held out the basket. "Fleur's into jam making now. Raspberry, lemon, blackcurrant, you name it. I think there's even dandelion in here."

"Dandelion!" Tonks looked up excitedly from her cheese. "That's a colour."

"How is dandelion a colour if daisy isn't?" Remus said indignantly, looking through the basket that Bill had brought. "Thank Fleur for us Bill, these are great."

"Well dandelions are only ever yellow for a start," Tonks said at once. "Daisies can be all kinds of mixes. Anyway, dandelion is a way better name. I'm not going on radio named after one of my Granpa's old dairy cows, even if I am starting to look like one."

"This wouldn't be for _Potterwatch_ would it, by any chance?" Bill enquired.

"You tuned in!"

"Yep, caught most of it last night! And if you want my input, Dandelion certainly suits you. Bright… wild…"

"…Messy… Leaves stuff everywhere." Remus muttered from behind them, removing several haphazardly stacked mugs from a shelf and putting them in their assigned cupboard, before lining up the little jars from Fleur neatly in their place.

"Did you like it?" Tonks said eagerly to Bill, disregarding her husband's jibe.

"It was great," Bill assured her. "It's so brave of you guys, and I haven't laughed so much in a very long time. Fleur enjoyed it too, and-"

He stopped and looked seriously between them.

"Look, if I tell you something, I need you to swear you won't tell the rest of my family. Not even Dad, and definitely not Mum and the twins."

"Of course!" Remus and Tonks exchanged astonished glances. What could Bill possibly want to share with them that he wasn't willing to tell the rest of his family?

"Ron is with us at the moment. Has been for a few weeks now."

"Ron?" Tonks gasped. "But... isn't he with Harry? Is everything ok?"

"I'm not exactly sure what happened," Bill admitted. "Ron is being very sketchy about the details, but I think they had some kind of row and Ron walked out on them." He grimaced. "From the little Ron's told me it sounds like it was a rash decision made in anger, and that things were going ok – or as ok as they could have been - before he left. He's been trying to re-join them ever since, but really struggling to figure out how he can, which also suggests they are keeping themselves well hidden."

"Well, that's something at least," Tonks breathed, and Bill nodded in agreement.

"I was pretty thrown when he turned up to be honest, but it's clear he feels awful about it, and he spends hours up in his room trying to figure out what he might be able to do to get back, so I'm definitely not going to lecture him. Figured it's better not to ask too many questions. And I've assured him that I won't mention it to the rest of the family."

"And he doesn't mind you telling us?" Remus asked.

"No," Bill said. "In fact he specifically said he wanted me to when I said I was coming to see you. Two reasons, actually. Tonks," he turned to her, "they heard news of your Dad."

Tonks sat up bolt upright at this, her eyes wide. "Not much news." Bill held up his hand cautiously. "They didn't speak to him or anything, but apparently they heard him. Again, I have no idea how or in what circumstances. Ron wouldn't say, and I guess it's probably for the best that as few people know as possible anyway… but it was definitely him, and it was just before he left, a few weeks ago. He was alive, sounded perfectly healthy, and he wasn't alone either. Ron thought you would appreciate knowing that."

Tonks nodded, looking more than a little shocked. "It's- It's very sweet of him to think of me," she said at last. "I never really thought Ron was one for…" she hesitated.

"Tact or thoughtfulness?" Bill supplied, raising an amused eyebrow. "You and me both. But I think this whole thing has really shaken him, and he's trying to make up for it in whatever ways he can."

"On a similar note, but if possible, even more vague - he asked me to tell you, Remus, that Harry talked about you often, and really hoped that things were ok… I wasn't sure exactly what he meant but he seemed to think that you would. He said that if there was nothing else he could do for Harry at the moment, he at least wanted to do that."

Remus nodded slowly, suddenly understanding. Harry, no doubt, felt guilty about the scene at Grimmauld place, having no way of knowing that his harsh words had had more of a positive and long-lasting impact than he could have possibly imagined.

"That does mean a lot. Thanks Bill. Tell him to give Harry an update on us when he eventually re-joins him, that we're both well, even if Tonks is eating most of the food," he shook his head jokingly at her as she reached for the last slice of bread, "and yes. Things are definitely ok."

"Of course."

Tonks was looking at Remus with a rather odd expression on her face, but it wasn't until much later that she broached the subject. Bill returned to Shell Cottage and they got the rest of the dinner together, Tonks making it perfectly clear simply by her expression that on no account were they to discuss Ted Tonks at any point that night or in the near future. They were sitting in the lounge enjoying the sight of the Christmas lights in the window, which they had put up that morning just as Fred had suggested, when she spoke.

"You saw Harry, didn't you?" she said abruptly, not looking directly at him. "When you went…away."

He swallowed with difficulty, feeling uncomfortable, but he had always known it would come to this eventually, that she would have to know where he had been for those four days after Bill and Fleur's wedding. He explained the details of his absence, and their culmination in turning up at Grimmauld Place, and the intense discussion and then argument that had ensued with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He hesitated, wondering if an argument was coming on. Not daring to meet her eyes, he fiddled with a loose strand of material on the arm of the sofa.

"I suppose... Because I was afraid of how you might react. And because I was ashamed that it took the words of an angry seventeen-year-old to finally set me on the right path."

"Why? What did he say to you?"

Remus grimaced. The memory of that scene in the kitchen at Grimmauld place was still more than a little painful.

"Can't remember the exact words but the gist was that what I was acting despicably. Told me I was being a coward. That he was ashamed of me. Reminded me that James and Lily died to save him and would have wanted to know what the hell I was playing at, trying to abandon my own kid and play daredevil like Sirius."

Tonks's jaw dropped. "Harry said that? To you?"

"Yes, and I was furious at first, at the nerve of him, then devastated that he could ever think that of me in that way. But Dora, it was the right thing to say. No one, ever, in my whole life, had spoken to me with so much bluntness, and it was what I'd being needing for a long time. It was like those few angry words cleared my mind completely… everything suddenly made sense."

He paused, still not looking at her, then went on.

"It sounds from what Bill said that he feels guilty, but he needn't. I'm sure he doesn't really mean everything he said – I certainly hope so, anyway - but they were true all the same, and those angry words did me so much good."

"But that's why you came back?"

He winced at her pointed tone, and responded slowly, playing for time.

"What do you mean?"

"You had a row with Harry and that's why you came back to me?"

The atmosphere in the living room was suddenly more tense.

"No, that's not-"

"Well, it sounds like you only came back because he refused your company and said he was ashamed of you?"

There was a harshness to her gaze now. Remus could feel it out of the corner of his eye, and he knew he was in very dangerous territory. But before he could properly formulate his thoughts into how to navigate this particular nest of vipers, Tonks had flopped back down on the sofa.

"Urgh, I'm sorry," she sighed, running her hands through her currently auburn hair so that it looked quite wild. "Part of me just wants to pick a fight suddenly. And the other part of me _knows_ that's completely ridiculous. I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment."

He had a feeling that the unexpected news of her dad had a lot to do with it, but this was a strictly taboo subject and had been for weeks now. He went for the fractionally less dangerous suggestion.

"Dare I mention hormones?"

She shot him another sideways glance, eyes narrowed, and he held up his hands in defence.

"Dora, I'm not trying to antagonise you, but it's completely understandable to have changes in your mood when you have a human growing inside you. And OK, my one and only experience of spending time with a pregnant woman is with Lily all those years ago, but she had a fair few ups and downs herself. In fact, I would say I saw her in some far worse tempers than I've seen you so far."

"Oh yeah?"

He sighed reminiscently.

"So, you know how Sirius's right hand was missing a fingernail. And he always said he lost to a venomous tentacula in our sixth year."

"Yeah..." She was grinning in spite of herself. He knew that she loved hearing about Sirius's younger days, reminders of a more carefree, happier cousin, one who hadn't been harshened by thirteen years in a desolate prison.

"Let's just say I'd take the venomous tentacula over a heavily pregnant Lily Potter who had to wait half an hour to use the bathroom because Sirius was having a long shower."

Her eyes crinkled at the edges as she shook her head in mock dismay. "Oh Sirius. Never come between a pregnant woman and the bathroom. What happened?"

"Well from what I can remember Lily banged on the door for a good twenty minutes, but Sirius still took his time. Eventually, when she was actually threatening to blow the entire door off its hinges, he finished up. Came out all casual and made the mistake of pretending that he hadn't _realised_ she was waiting, she should have _said_ something." Remus grinned again. "He was still laughing at her when she came back out a few minutes later. So Lily flipped her lid completely and threatened to permanently lock the bathroom door shut and see how he liked it. And when Sirius – still laughing, by the way – pointed out that she would undoubtedly suffer more from that than he would, she smashed the drink he had in his hand into pieces. Completely obliterated it. And one of his fingers caught the blast too. Their friendship suffered no lasting damage. Not so true of the fingernail."

"I can't say that I blame her in the slightest," Tonks said, now laughing along. "I think if you tried doing that to me right now you would be in danger of losing a lot more than fingernails."

"I wouldn't dare," Remus assured her. "Well, I couldn't blame her either, and James had already given Sirius plenty of warnings about not winding her up. To be fair, I think he did feel bad afterwards and it seemed to teach him a lesson. He was very polite to her for the rest of her pregnancy, and most certainly never went to the bathroom when she was round at our flat without asking if she needed to use it first. I don't know if Lily ever felt too guilty about his missing fingernail though."

They were still laughing together, but as the amusement tailed off he was sure he could still see mistrust in her eyes.

"Dora, please." He took her hand, resuming the topic that he knew had only been put on hold temporarily. "Please don't think that I only came back to you because of Harry. Or James or Lily or Sirius for that matter. I came back because of _you_. Because I knew it was right for us, and for our baby, and above all because I wanted to, desperately. And I truly believe that I would have come to that realisation myself, eventually. But it just took Harry, and the thought of his parents, to speed that process along a bit, and knock some sense into me for good."

"Something else we have them to be thankful for then." Tonks was smiling properly now, her face completely softened. "Your fingernails are safe, don't worry," she added, as she pushed herself up from the sofa.

"You're not angry?" Dora was generally not one to say things were fine if they weren't, but you could never be quite sure at the moment.

"Nope," she replied, over her shoulder. "Just glad there is no one taking a long shower in our bathroom. And I'm starving."

Relief turned quickly to disbelief.

"How can you possibly be starving? You basically had two dinners?"

But Tonks had already clattered upstairs. She came back a couple of minutes later via the kitchen, holding a large variety tin of biscuits, one of the things her mother had pressed on them the other day "for Christmas".

"These might not still be good at Christmas," she said seriously. "Better open them now, just in case."

They hadn't shared such a light-hearted and happy evening in a very long time, working their way steadily through the tin of biscuits, Tonks slapping Remus's hand away every time he reached for a particularly chocolatey one, while they discussed Remus's codename for their next appearance on _Potterwatch_ , all talk of harsh words and cowardice forgotten.

Eventually, when Tonks was getting sleepier and sillier, as were her suggestions, Remus decided it was time for bed.

"No to Donkey and Dodo. I _might_ consider Dingo," he said. "Come on, lets discuss it in the morning."

He stood up and waved out the lights with his wand, then tugged her arm ineffectually to try and get her off the sofa.

"Come on!"

"Damocles," she said, a triumphant note to her voice as she finally let him haul her up. She swayed against him. "After the inventor of the Wolfsbane potion."

"Ok... well that's pretty damn good, I'll admit. But we're still going to sleep now."

She didn't move. Her hair was blond and soft now, falling around her shoulders. Her eyes were shining in the dim light, her whole body pressed against him.

"Are you sure?" she whispered, her face very close to his.

Suddenly, he was not sure at all. Her mouth tasted of chocolate and also lemon, an odd combination of the biscuits she had been eating and the jam she had been dipping them in. Sleep was suddenly the last thing on his mind.

The Christmas lights glowed a rich warm yellow as they sank back onto the sofa. Outside, snow had begun to fall.


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**White**

* * *

**24** **th** **December 1997**

A blanket of white still covered the ground. This amount of snow was unusual for their part of the country, but no doubt the dementors' icy chill was contributing to the ever-freezing temperatures. Inside the little cottage, however, everything looked warm and cosy. A fire burned merrily in the grate, and a tiny Christmas tree stood in the corner. They had agreed on no Christmas gifts to each other, but they had still given presents to some of their friends, and a few reciprocal parcels sat under the tree; two soft lumpy packages from Molly (which they were pretty sure contained knitted jumpers), a large box-shaped one from Fred and George (they had been assured that it was safe), several bottles (one from Kingsley and a couple from Bill and Fleur), some smaller, book-shaped presents from Andromeda and a little gift bag from Ginny.

Tonks smiled over at them, trying her best not to think about the Christmases spent at home in her youth, of the days when her only worries had been what to get her parents for Christmas and what ridiculous outfit her mother was going to force her into for their Christmas meal, when she just wanted to wear her bright red leggings and her baggiest sweatshirt.

"You ok?"

Remus was looking at her in slight concern, and she knew the sadness must have shown on her face. She nodded hastily. "Yeah! I-"

For a second, she was on the verge of telling him all about those wonderful carefree Christmases. About how Ted had dressed up as Santa every year, even though Andromeda didn't really approve. How he had always sat underneath the tree with her, rattling the presents with equal enthusiasm, helping her guess what was inside them, at least until her mother came in and shooed them both away. But she couldn't quite bear to relive them. It was still too painful to talk about her dad when she had no clue where or how he was.

"I was just admiring the tree," she finished lamely. "I know it will be a different Christmas this year, but at least we have a tree!"

Remus nodded his agreement.

"Not quite as impressive as the Hogwarts ones though!" Tonks added. "I never stayed at school for Christmas, but sometimes I thought it would have been fun."

"I did a couple of times," Remus replied. "Sirius never wanted to go home, of course, and Wormtail never seemed keen either. I always thought it was because he just wanted to copy Sirius, but I did meet his mother once, after we'd left school. She was perfectly nice but didn't seem to bother with him at all. I don't think he was very happy at home."

A pang of sympathy crossed his face, but only briefly, before hardening into the usual expression of disgust at his former friend. He continued hastily.

"In our fifth and sixth year, though, the Potters had us all round to their house for Christmas. And they were great, definitely some of my best Christmas memories."

"Not your seventh?"

Remus grimaced.

"In my seventh year, Christmas Day fell on the full moon. So I had to stay at Hogwarts. And we couldn't even do our usual adventure. James was back home – his parents weren't very well at that point – and Sirius and Wormtail wouldn't have been able to keep the wolf in check on their own. That was a bit of a low point where Christmases are concerned, although definitely not the lowest."

They sat in silence for a minute or two.

"Sorry," Remus said. "I didn't mean to bring you down. Christmas…just hasn't often been the happiest time for me."

She stretched out on the sofa and laid her head in his lap and he gently massaged her forehead.

"Christmas Eve in Grimmauld place was pretty good though!" she said.

Remus's face brightened at the memory and a reluctant grin spread over his face.

_The kids were in bed, or at least in their rooms. Molly had retired too, her relief that Arthur was recovering not quite able to remedy the worry and exhaustion brought on by the last few days. Everyone else had gone home and it was just the three of them, Remus, Sirius and Tonks, as it had been so many times before. Their first bottle of firewhisky had been drained, and they were starting a second as they moved on to yet another drinking game. Even Remus, who had at first protested that this was too childish a game for grown adults, not to mention members of the Order of the Phoenix, was now joining in with enthusiasm, considerably loosened by the copious amounts of alcohol._

" _Never have I ever…" Tonks thought for a long moment. "Had the same hairstyle for more than two weeks in a row."_

" _Oh, not fair!" Sirius sighed, as both he and Remus took a sip of their drinks._

" _Like your last one was fair?"_

" _Sirius has a bit of an advantage over us, I'm afraid," Remus told her ruefully. "Your turn Padfoot."_

" _Never have I ever…" he grinned slyly at Remus. "Vomited in broad daylight on the streets of Hogsmeade."_

_Tonks turned to Remus, eyebrows raised, as he reluctantly took a gulp from his glass. "I was drunk!" he protested. "It was my seventeenth birthday. And it was all James and Sirius's fault anyway."_

" _Yeah, yeah, whatever!" Sirius laughed. "Your turn Moony. Do your worst!"_

_Remus screwed up his forehead in thought._

" _Never have I ever kissed a girl in the Herbology greenhouses."_

" _Oh come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius snorted, about to drink. Then he broke off, staring at his cousin. Tonks had also raised her glass to her lips. "Really?" he said curiously. "I mean, fair enough, obviously, I just didn't think…"_

_Remus was also looking at her with interest._

" _No," Tonks rolled her eyes . "Not like that. Girls hated me at school anyway. Couldn't have got a girlfriend even if I'd wanted one."_

" _So you just had a little make out session with Sprout did you?"_

" _Ew, no!" Remus chuckled as Tonks continued. "It was a dare," she said. "We used to play this game called Danger Sprout."_

" _Danger Sprout?!" Sirius choked on his drink, and the next few minutes involved him trying to take deep, steadying breaths between his hacking coughs and hysterical laughter._

" _Yeah." Tonks began to explain again once Sirius had calmed down. "Whenever we were in Herbology lessons and Sprout went to one of the other greenhouses to get something - you know how she always does - we'd have to fit in a dare. And one time it was my turn and Archie Robertson – he was a total dickhead – was like, "Oh Tonks I dare you to make your face into a boy's and kiss one of the girls."_

" _And did you?"_

" _I was the all-time champion of Danger Sprout, Remus, you don't think I'd lose that title for something as easy as a quick snog, did you? But I got my revenge, because I made my face just like Archie's and I grabbed Ishbel Andrews – who he had this massive crush on – and gave her a proper slobbery kiss, all tongue no technique. And she was so grossed out. And Archie Robertson never did get to out with Ishbel, and he just had to come to terms with the fact that the only time she ever kissed him, it was just my face in disguise."_

" _You are pure evil," Sirius sighed, looking at his cousin in admiration, while Remus grinned down at his drink._

" _Well, serves him right. I hate people making me morph when I don't want to," Tonks said. "I'm not some kind of freak show. If I want to change my appearance it should be on my terms, not other people's."_

" _Quite right!" Sirius said. "Ok, your turn again."_

" _Never have I ever…" she grinned. "Been in the Gryffindor common room."_

" _Come on!" Sirius moaned as the two of them drank yet again. "You've got to make more interesting ones than that!"_

" _I thought the whole point of this game was to get other people drunk?"_

" _I think she's right!" Remus reasoned. But Sirius was shaking his head._

" _Ok, fine! If that's how you want to play it! Never have I ever believed that babies grow from baby seeds."_

" _Oh, fuck off!"_

" _Baby seeds?" Remus's mouth twitched as he looked at her enquiringly. She swallowed her mouthful of drink and nodded._

" _I'm sorry, but if you're six years old and you ask your big cousin - who you look up to and admire more than anyone else, by the way - where babies come from, and he tells you that they grow from the ground, then you're going to believe him, aren't you?"_

" _I suppose. And to be fair Padfoot, it's not such a stupid thing for a six-year-old to believe. I'm not sure we knew where babies come from at that age…"_

" _Thank you, Remus!"_

" _Oh yeah?" Sirius's dark eyes sparkled, and despite the knowledge that he was just going to humiliate her further, Tonks couldn't help but feel a warm glow in her chest. She had not seen Sirius this animated for a very long time. "What about when I told her that if the seed got_ exactly _the same amount of rain and sun, then it would make a rainbow baby? And that's why she could change her hair colour."_

_At this, Remus really did burst out laughing again. Tonks glared at him in mock outrage, but he just smiled and winked at her. As he did so, she felt the jolt in her stomach, so familiar these days whenever he looked at her, yet so much stronger tonight than it had ever been before. She tried to drag her gaze away from him, but it was fixated on his warm eyes, his worn yet handsome face, his unusually carefree smile that lit him up so brightly._

" _Don't worry Tonks, we'll get him. Never have I ever used my cauldron as a chamber pot!" Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius, and Tonks couldn't even explain the little leap of delight that she felt, knowing that they were allies now in this game, however stupid and childish it may be._

" _Yes, well, you would be drinking right now if you'd been there with us!" Sirius retorted, taking another drink. "We got put in detention by Slughorn," he added to Tonks, who was looking both curious and revolted. "Me and James. And we thought a few butterbeers beforehand would make it more bearable. Hadn't banked on Slughorn locking us in the dungeon and forgetting us for five hours. Anyway," he shuddered and then looked challengingly at Tonks. "Your turn again. And make it a good one this time!"_

" _Ok... Ok… Never have I ever… spent a night in the Room of Requirement."_

" _Rubbish!" Sirius said at once, before either of them could react._

_Tonks raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"_

" _You must have done!"_

" _I can assure you I haven't! And what are you insinuating anyway?"_

" _You're telling me that my pretty little cousin Nymphadora never had a secret night of passion with a guy, or indeed a girl, at any point during her time at Hogwarts?"_

" _Maybe I did, maybe I didn't… but that wasn't my statement, was it?" Tonks shot back, and Sirius laughed, and took a big gulp of his own drink. "Alright, fair enough. Moony!" he added indignantly, suddenly glaring over at his friend. "Why aren't_ you _drinking?"_

" _What's that?" Remus mumbled. His cheeks had gone slightly pink._

" _Mary MacDonald! Seventh year. Go on, drink up!"_

" _Oh, that doesn't count!"_

_Sirius looked outraged._

" _Of course it counts! You dated her for six months."_

" _Fine, fine!" Still scarlet, Remus took a sip._

_Tonks shot a curious look at Remus, but he avoided looking at her, his cheeks not yet losing their colour. Sirius, as if sensing his embarrassment and wanting to avoid awkwardness ruining their fun, turned back to Tonks and looked at her, a triumphant gleam in his eyes._

" _Never have I ever fallen down two flights of stairs ten minutes after receiving my official Auror diploma."_

_Tonks's mouth fell open._

" _How the hell did you know that?"_

_"Kingsley told me!"_

" _I will_ kill _him," Tonks muttered, as she finished the last dregs in her glass and reached for the bottle to fill it up again._

" _Oh, it's ok Tonks!" Remus said suddenly, his embarrassment fading, the sparkle renewed in his eyes. "It's ok… because I have the king of all never have I evers. Never have I ever had a crush on Minerva McGonagall!_

" _WHAT?" Tonks fell about laughing as she gaped over at Sirius._

" _Context Moony!" Sirius growled. "You have to give context."_

" _Oh, I don't think so!" Remus replied mildly. "Drink first, context after, wasn't that the rule?"_

_Reluctantly, Sirius took a drink. "It was a photo," he told Tonks. "A very, very old photo. And I didn't know who it was of, but I found it inside an old library book. And I showed it to these guys… and I suppose I might have gone on about it just a little, saying that whoever it was looked like my ideal girl. And then we realised several months later, from an old class photo or something, that it was McGonagall when she was at Hogwarts. God knows how it got in that book but some of us," he glared at Remus, "just can't seem to let it go."_

" _To be fair to Sirius, Minerva McGonagall was a very good-looking young lady," Remus muttered to Tonks in an undertone loud enough for Sirius to hear. He just sighed._

" _Sirius Black and Minerva McGonagall," Tonks laughed again. "God, imagine the kids you would have had! Ok, my turn again. Never have I ever…."_

_The so the game continued, getting sillier but funnier as they got steadily more drunk. Remus became increasingly aware of Tonks's presence on the sofa beside him and kept having to remind himself that they were friends. Just friends and nothing more. Yet it was a hard thing to remember when she was right there next to him, so close he could feel the warmth of her body, her laughter ringing in his ears, her eyes bright as they met his own with increasing frequency._

_And Tonks felt her heart race every time his hand brushed accidentally against her leg or her arm, or every time they shared a secret laugh or smile, and once or twice she couldn't help but think that if Sirius hadn't been in the armchair opposite she would have just thrown caution to the winds and launched herself on Remus there and then._

Nothing had happened that night, of course. But when they'd finally abandoned their games and said goodnight, Tonks hadn't been able to help giving Remus a hug that was just a little bit longer and closer than the one she gave her cousin, and a kiss on the cheek, ignoring Sirius's smug look as she did so. And when she left Christmas presents for all her friends on the kitchen table, she added the card that she had picked out specially for Remus with a smile on her face. Her message in there was completely innocuous, nothing remotely suggestive. She had known, even then, that Remus would probably scare easily. But she hoped that what she had written was enough to convey to him the special place he was beginning to hold in her heart.

The memory faded, and they laughed together, but Tonks was suddenly feeling sombre again, remembering the many long months that had followed, the shift in the dynamic of their relationship that had taken them past the point of no return, neither smoothly nor gently. A couple of times, she tried to speak, but the subject felt forced and wrong, and in the end she just fell silent.

"You want to know why I became a moody git immediately after that Christmas?" Remus supplied for her. He had been watching her intently. She looked mortified.

"No! No! I'm sorry," she said, sitting up and looking directly at him. "I know it's in the past now, and I don't want to drag up old stuff. I just… I never really understood what happened. Everything was so great that night, and then… I always thought I must have done something to upset you."

Remus pulled her into a hug, looking pretty upset himself.

"You didn't do anything." His voice was slightly muffled against her bright hair. "It was _nothing_ to do with you!"

"Then… what?" Tonks pulled away slightly and looked up at him, her face questioning.

He didn't want to remember. That Christmas had been so painful. But he owed her the truth. He sighed and started to explain.

"I got your Christmas card and gift that morning," he said. "And it made me so happy. Even took away the hangover from that bloody game. And although you'd left cards and presents for everyone, I couldn't help noticing that in mine you'd written a bit more and gone into more detail. I - I did wonder if there was something in that. Sirius had been going on about you for weeks anyway, saying that you liked me and that I was being stupid and that there was absolutely no reason why we shouldn't be together. And I guess part of it was just the alcohol talking, but after the night before… that was the first time that I started to think that maybe - just maybe - he was right. Maybe something could happen between us. And I wanted it so badly Dora. Honestly I did."

Tonks was listening closely. She suspected he had never told anyone this. Even Sirius had not been able to explain his friend's abrupt change of mood, just hours after they had spent such a joyful and happy evening together.

"And then we went to St Mungo's," Remus went on, with difficulty. "To visit Arthur. And you remember there was a werewolf in his ward at the time?"

Tonks nodded.

"Well, he was completely harmless of course, it was ages to the full moon. But I saw that Molly kept glancing over at him, looking terrified."

" _Molly_ did?" Tonks sounded astonished. "But she's never been like that with you!"

"I know! I know!" Remus said at once. "And I know that she genuinely likes me and isn't prejudiced against me personally. But I guess that's because she knows me, and has worked with me herself, and – I dare say – because her children all liked me long before she even met me. I suspect that Ginny, for one, would have thrown an absolute fit if Molly had dared be anything other than friendly."

Tonks laughed, thinking with fond sadness of her young friend, with her fiery temper and solid principles. Ginny adored Remus, her favourite teacher of all time, whose kindly and empathetic approach had helped set her on the road to recovery after her traumatic first year at Hogwarts. No doubt Molly knew that as well.

"But her reaction to this other poor man was totally different," Remus went on. "And reality started to sink back in, and I remembered that just because the Order and a few kids saw me as a normal human being, it didn't mean that the rest of the world did."

Tonks, for once, had no reply. She could tell Remus he was normal until she was blue in the face, but however much she meant it, the fact remained that most people did not view him in this way.

"Anyway," Remus went on. "I was still feeling ok, in spite of that, and when Arthur and Molly started having an argument about something or other, all the kids went up to the café, but I went over to talk to the werewolf. I guess I thought I might be able to share some of my newfound optimism with him or something.

His face clouded at the memory.

_"Merry Christmas!" Remus smiled down at the pale, sickly looking man in the bed._

_He merely stared back._

_"Arthur told me about your bite," Remus persevered._

_"What's it to you?" he asked shortly, glowering up at the ceiling._

_Remus hesitated, but then reasoned that no harm could really come of telling the man the truth. He had a feeling that his job over the next few months would likely involve trying to convince some of the other werewolves to join their side. He might as well start now. And so he told the other man about the childhood attack, how he had been a werewolf for nearly his whole life, but how the wolfsbane potion had completely eased the pain of the transformations, and how he was still able to lead a normal life._

_Even so, the word normal seemed to stick in his throat, and the man who lay before him didn't look any happier, merely scornful._

_"Right," he said, and Remus could hear the slightly sarcastic tone behind the outward politeness. "So you lead a perfectly normal life do you? Got a nice home… decent job… steady income?"_

_"I-" Remus faltered. His happy bubble from that morning was deflating even further._

_The man in the bed just looked knowingly back at him._

_"Suppose you've got a woman too?" he went on. "A nice, steady girlfriend who conveniently overlooks the fact that you turn into a bloodthirsty monster every month?"_

_The words were like a knife to the gut. The bubble burst completely. The man's scorn faded instantly at the look on Remus's face, and he went back to staring at the ceiling, looked highly embarrassed._

_"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to be rude. And it's none of my business, of course. It's just been a bit of a shock, you see."_

_Remus did see. He had suffered enough over the past thirty years to understand completely why the man was so upset and didn't even have the heart to resent him for his words. But as he murmured a few more condolences and walked back over towards Arthur's bed, any shreds of happiness and hope and Christmas cheer were gone._

Remus finished his account of the conversation and stared down at his wife, whose eyes were suddenly sparkling with tears.

"So that's what happened," he said. "Of all the Christmases I've had, that one was probably the worst of all. And I just couldn't seem to get back into the positive frame of mind I'd had that morning, and whenever I thought of you after that, all I could hear was the werewolf saying _bloodthirsty_ _monster_. And it's not an excuse, I know it's not, but that's why everything started to change after that Christmas. I just…couldn't unhear those words."

"I never knew," Tonks whispered. "Oh Remus I'm so sorry, and then," she suddenly remembered something else and clapped a hand to her forehead. "I had to go and put my big foot in it and have a go at you and say that you didn't realise I'd fallen for you because you were just feeling sorry for yourself." She looked even more horrified.

"I _was_ feeling sorry for myself!" Remus assured her at once. "I was, Dora, you were right to say it. Moping didn't do anyone any good. Sirius said as much as well. And I was so happy to find out how you felt. I know I became even more unbearable after that, but- but it did mean a lot to me. And it was still what I wanted and Sirius just _wouldn't_ let the subject go. So maybe…"

He trailed off, not finishing his sentence. Maybe, he was thinking, if Sirius hadn't been killed, if they hadn't had to vacate Grimmauld Place, if everything hadn't taken such a horrible turn for the worse, maybe everything would have been different. Maybe he wouldn't have spent the next year pushing her away, maybe he could have spared her months of distress and misery.

Tonks didn't say anything. But she had sometimes wondered the same thing. Everything had changed after Sirius's death, as if the playful, energetic, chemical spark that had been building between her and Remus ever since their first meeting had died with him, leaving only pain and longing and the push and pull of a desperate battle of wills. And a memory was coming back to her as well, this time, from the Christmas just one year before.

_There was a knock at the door. Tonks nearly didn't bother opening it. What was the point? The only person in the world she might have welcomed was Ginny. And there was no chance that Molly would let her underage daughter come wandering down Tonks's dark street at nine o'clock at night. Another soft knock. She went to answer it. It could hardly make her feel worse. Christmas Day this year had been a disaster. She was heartily wishing she hadn't visited her parents the day before and had just stayed under her duvet eating chocolate as originally planned. Her mother's intense, drilling questions had done absolutely nothing to improve her mood, and she knew that she had only worried her father with her mousy appearance and unprecedented lack of Christmas cheer._

_Her heart gave a wild leap as she opened the door and saw the familiar face. But why was he here? Hadn't he made his feelings very clear just a few days ago?_

_She had been so sure. So sure for months that they were heading down this path. Yes, there had been ups and downs, moments of doubt, times when he had seemed so cold and distant that she was sure she must have been mistaken about his feelings. But beyond that was the overwhelming certitude that she and Remus were supposed to be together. And that eventually, they_ would _be together. After their talks and jokes and laughs; their evenings spent together in Grimmauld Place; her conversations with Sirius about his old friend. After their missions together that had so often led to long, personal conversations; their shared secrets; his warm compassion after Sirius's death. More than one moment where they had surely been milliseconds away from taking that irrevocable step between friendship and more. Every time, some interruption, whether from Sirius or Molly or just the natural imminent nature of Order work, had come between them._

_Until the other day._

_It had been such a miserable three months. Sirius's death was still so raw, and with Remus now absent too, and likely in permanent danger, Tonks had felt completely adrift without the two people she had come to regard as her best friends. And so when she had seen Remus for the first time after months without the smallest scrap of news, her heart had swelled with relief that he was safe, and she had felt overwhelmed with happiness that she could spend time with him again. And with that had come hope that finally their relationship may move forward. She had thrown herself on him, all other thoughts leaving her mind as her arms flew round his neck and her mouth crashed against his. And for a moment, it had been exactly as she had always imagined, as his lips responded to her, tender but strong, and a warmth that she hadn't known she was lacking spread through her._

_And then it was over. He was pushing her from him and backing away. He had stumbled and stuttered and could barely even look at her as he got out the words. Then he had given her some lame, ridiculous excuse about being too old, and too dangerous and not having enough money. And she had felt humiliation flood through her before making an exit as quickly as possible._

_She had spent the last few days trying to come to terms with the humiliating rejection. Not very successfully, it had to be said. But Remus clearly didn't want her, and so she would just have to accept it and move on. Yet now here he was, on her doorstep the day after Christmas, having come without invitation or request. He did not explain the reason for his visit. He just came in and sat on the sofa, and she brought him a drink and a plate of the cake that she had made the day before, after returning home from her parents'. She had eaten so much uncooked batter that she now couldn't stomach the finished product._

_Remus did not take any cake. Instead he picked up one of the sequined cushions from the sofa and fiddled with the little beads, and it was Tonks who broke the icy silence at last._

_"Remus why are you here? You made your feelings quite plain the other day and I know there's nothing more to say."_

_He looked decidedly uncomfortable._

" _Molly said_ \- " _Her head jerked up and she glared at him as the words died in his throat. She loved Molly Weasley dearly, but could she not just leave this particular subject alone and spare her even more humiliation?_

_"Said_ what _? That I was upset and needed comfort? Because I don't, and certainly not from you!" she snapped back. "And if she told you I was alone at Christmas then she's wrong too. I went to my parents' house."_

" _Yes I know that too, Ginny told me_."

_Tonks felt a fierce rush of scarlet flood her cheeks. Why, she didn't really know. She was not in the least ashamed of her friendship with Ginny, and she also knew that Ginny was not one to repeat anything private or secret, but she felt humiliated nonetheless. Why did Remus always completely disrupt her usual emotions like this?_

_"Did she?" she shot back. "So you were having a nice little chat about me, were you? You probably think I'm a complete idiot, pouring out my heart to a fifteen-year-old girl."_

_"Of course I don't!" he protested, looking taken aback. "And Ginny was just telling me about your Christmas, that's all… She didn't… say anything else…"_

_Tonks merely scowled._

" _Nymphadora-"_ _Nymphadora? Had he_ really _just called her by her hated first name? Did he really think that little of her?_

_"So we're back to Nymphadora now, are we? You want so much distance from me that you can't even use my preferred name?" She felt the rush of moisture to her eyes. Damn tears. Were they ever going to go away? Remus, looking stricken, got up and came to sit next to her. But she turned away, shrugging off the hand that he reached over to put on her shoulder._

_"I thought-" Her voice was thick. "I just assumed… that after all our working together, all that time I spent hanging out with you and Sirius...and with the way you talked to me, and looked at me... after what nearly happened between us over the summer before you went away, I was just so sure that you felt the same way. And now I feel so_ stupid!"

" _Look," he said. "I wish that things could be different. Really, I do, but-"_

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're too old, you're too dangerous. I heard you the first time." Tonks turned and tried to glare at him, but it was hard to pull off her looks-could-kill death stare when her eyes were clouded with tears._

_"You know, Remus, I always thought before that you respected me. You probably think you're being tactful, but you could at least tell me the truth."_

_"That is the truth!"_

_The sincerity in his voice pulled her up short, and a previously non-existent doubt crept up in her mind. Did he really believe those things he had said just a few days before? She had assumed that it was just a lame excuse._ It's not you it's me _. And yet…_

_His face was pained. His eyes concerned. His body language said so plainly that he wanted to take her in his arms. And she suddenly knew, with absolute certainty - although she suspected that it had been true for many, many months now - that she loved this man. Loved him so much that it was unbearable. And it was that certain knowledge that propelled her towards him for the second time that week. The kiss this time was deeper and rougher. Her hands came up to the back of his neck and his arms snaked round her waist, and then he was kissing her back. There could be no doubt about that. He was holding her and kissing her, his breath shortening as he pulled her even closer, and all she wanted was for this to continue and the feeling to swallow her whole._

_Then, as the heat built between them and her hands slipped under his shirt, her short nails scrabbling against his warm skin, her teeth closed, very gently on his bottom lip. His reaction was immediate and violent, and he pushed her away, recoiling, replacing the distance between them on the little sofa. She stared at him in blank shock for a few seconds. Surely,_ surely _she had not been imagining things the last couple of minutes. Surely he wanted her as much as she wanted him._

" _Tonks, please, I'm sorry," Remus's voice sounded a little broken now. "I'm so sorry, but I can't. I wish I could, really I do… That- that was….I've never…" He trailed off, and she could see it even more plainly now, the hunger and emotion in his eyes. And she suddenly knew that he loved her too. He didn't know that yet, perhaps. She couldn't even explain how_ she _knew. But she did._

_Remus took a deep breath and started again, more steadily. "Tonks, I wish things could be different. And if it weren't for my condition then maybe they could be. But one bite is all it would take. One slip, one mistake at the full moon, and you would be tainted, like I am, forever. Your life would be ruined, your career in pieces. And I would not be able to live with myself. I - I just can't take the risk of that happening."_

_She stared at him mutely. So it was true. He truly believed what he'd said to her a few days before._

_"You really do think you're dangerous, don't you?" she breathed, and as he looked confused, she went on, to clarify, "It's not because I'm not good enough?"_

_"How could you possibly think it was because you weren't good enough?" Remus asked, and as his eyes met hers she felt the usual somersault in her stomach. But she merely shrugged._

_"Well, I know I look awful at the moment," she muttered, running her hand through her short, mousy hair. "Be enough to put anyone off."_

_"You don't look awful." She loathed herself for the joy that this simple, lukewarm phrase brought her, but she couldn't help but dig deeper for further reassurance._

_"So it really isn't me?"_

_"Of course not!"_

_He spoke as if this simple fact would make his reaction easier to bear._

_It didn't._

_"You are such a fool, Remus. It doesn't matter what you are. Really, have I ever given you the slightest sign that I give a damn about that? You know I don't care. It doesn't change who you are inside!"_

_"Nymph-" she glared at him and he amended himself hastily. "Tonks look, I'm going back to the wolf pack tomorrow. If you could see them - if you could see_ me _\- where I rightfully belong, you would want nothing more to do with me."_

_"You belong here," Tonks muttered defiantly._

_There was a long, dense silence between them. Tonks was the one who broke it again._

_"Fine," she said, even though things were anything but fine. "Don't worry about it, honestly. Forget I ever said anything. It's fine."_

_He looked completely helpless, but he got up and made for the door, and she tried to block out the feeling of despair as he did so, the overwhelming disappointment that he was not going to sit and talk and try to reasonably find a solution to this, that he really was too stubborn to give in._

_Well, she could be stubborn as well. She was the daughter of Andromeda Tonks, after all._

_"I'm not going to give up on you, Remus," she called after him. The only sound in reply was the click of the closing door._

_Unable to help herself, Tonks curled up in a ball, and sobbed and sobbed until she thought her heart would shatter completely. Of all the Christmases she had ever had, this was by far the worst._

"Dora?" Remus was looking at her worriedly, and she guessed that the misery from the previous year must be showing on her face.

"Don't worry! I'm OK!" She smiled back at him. "I'm sorry, sometimes I can't help thinking about it… about what happened... with us. Before. But it's ok. I know it's in the past. I guess… I guess I've had a few Christmas low points as well."

"We'll make sure this Christmas makes up for it," he said, hugging her tightly again. "War be damned. We are going to have a Merry Christmas."

* * *

**25** **th** **December 1997**

Tonks sighed contentedly, warm and fed and happy as she looked at the crackling fire.

They were both wearing their Weasley jumpers, bright red for Remus and multicoloured for Tonks. One of the bottles of French wine from Bill and Fleur sat open on the table, nearly finished. Ginny's gift, a homemade, jewelled photo frame with a picture of them taken at Bill and Fleur's wedding – to Remus's relief he was smiling broadly in it – now stood in pride of place on the mantlepiece.

Tonks pulled the tissue paper off their final present, a large bottle of firewhisky from Kingsley, and let out a delighted laugh.

"Oh god," Remus said, as he caught sight of the familiar label.

"Fancy a game of never have I ever?"

"Definitely not!" Remus shuddered. "I don't think I could take that hangover again. I still don't even know how I functioned that Christmas Day at all, after drinking all that. And anyway, it wouldn't…" he didn't need to finish the sentence. They both knew it could never be the same without Sirius.

They sat in silence for a minute or two, then, her tongue no doubt loosened by the strong French wine, she blurted out.

"Who was Mary MacDonald?"

A strange look crossed his face, and for a second, she cursed herself. She had felt so comfortable asking the question, in the light-hearted atmosphere within their little home and the talk of their game from two years previously. But maybe she had misread the situation. After all, was _Christmas_ really the best time to bring up old relationships, even if they were school day ones, long past and forgotten?

But then Remus just shrugged. "We went out in seventh year," he said. "For a few months. She was Lily's best friend and Lily kind of set us up together. And Mary was lovely, but things got… difficult. She never knew about what I was, you see. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her, and she knew something was wrong and that caused a lot of tension. Especially as she could tell that Lily _did_ know. And then towards the end of school she started applying to jobs in America… so things just fizzled out."

The odd expression flitted across his face again. Sadness? Not quite. Not even regret. Curiosity, perhaps. Of what might have happened if he _had_ told her.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I didn't mean to be nosy. I've just always wondered…"

"No, it's fine… you're allowed to ask. But as we're being nosy..." Remus raised his eyebrows, looking amused, and she knew that she was about to get retaliation for being so indiscreet. "Where _did_ you have your secret nights of passion, as Sirius called them, if not in the Room of Requirement? You clearly knew about it at school."

Tonks hesitated, feeling unusually wrong footed. But Remus had been honest with her.

"Well… I didn't exactly have any. I mean," she added, as he looked a little surprised, "I had boyfriends at school. But I never felt comfortable going that far… you know."

"OK." He smiled. "Good for you! Although Sirius would be disappointed in you, no doubt!"

"And-" Tonks swallowed. She had never admitted this, but she doubted a more perfect time would ever present itself, and she did want Remus to know. It had never felt quite right that he didn't. "I - um. I didn't really have any - um - _Room of Requirement_ moments with anyone after school either. Not fully. Before you, I mean."

"What do you mean?"

His expression told her he knew exactly what she meant.

"Well… I did date a few guys and stuff. But work was always so busy, and I was just never bothered about them in that way, and then I met you... and that took an age and a half to get straight." She grinned at him to show she was joking about this, but went on more seriously.

"So you were… you know." She took a deep breath. "You were my first."

There was a silence as Remus's eyes widened, his mind processing the implications of this. Tonks remembered deciding, many months ago now, not to share this information with him at the time and realised she had made the right decision. He looked completely shocked.

"Why have you never told me this?" he whispered at last.

She couldn't help but laugh, despite the painful memory that it brought back.

_This was a mistake, a moment of weakness. It's all my fault. I'm telling you yet again that you can do so much better than me, Tonks. Deep down, you know that as well. This needs to stop. We can't let this happen again._

"Remus, that first night we spent together you woke up the next morning and told me it was all a mistake and that it could never happen again, and that was when you _didn't_ know. Would you have even come near me again if you had known?"

He didn't answer.

"You're not annoyed, are you?" she added, as he continued to stare at her.

"Annoyed?" he repeated blankly. "How could I possibly be annoyed?"

She shrugged. "For not telling you. And - and I did want to tell you! I've always wanted you to know. But at the start I was worried it would scare you off again. And it's just never really come up since then…"

He laced his fingers through hers. He certainly didn't look annoyed, but there was a far-off look to his gaze all the same.

"Maybe you're right," he said eventually, as his thumb traced a circle across the back of her hand "Maybe it's best I didn't know then."

"And now?"

There was a pause, and his eyes glowed as they met hers, his distant look gone.

"Well, I still can't pretend that I _understand_ why a beautiful young woman could want her only experiences to be with a battered old werewolf."

Her face tautened and he continued hastily.

"But-"

He cupped her face with his hand, drew it closer to him and placed his forehead against her own. He did not seem to have words to express the rest of the sentence.

_The feel of his mouth against hers. His hands in her hair. His lips on her neck. The dawning comprehension that this time, he was not going to push her away. The heat of his bare skin. His touch, gentle yet so powerful. Overwhelming, insatiable desire. A brief moment of pain and then feelings so intense that her body could barely take them at all._

The memory of that first night still brought an odd, thumping sensation to her stomach, a flutter in her chest, a slight ache in her fingers as her pulse quickened.

Remus's eyes were even brighter than before.

"Merry Christmas Dora."

Her mouth was on his in reply, in a kiss so different to that of the previous year. One that was not fuelled by despair and guilt and hopeless longing, but by intimacy and confidence and trust, and the safe, certain knowledge that as the days and weeks went by, they would continue to let each other in to secrets previously unshared, truths formerly unknown.

It was a very long time before she replied.

"Merry Christmas, Remus."


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Chocolate**

* * *

**18** **th** **January 1998**

"I think Fred and George may have saved my life with this replenishing chocolate!" Tonks informed Remus in mid-January, looking at the piles of it that they had in the cupboard. The Weasley twins had taken her food cravings very seriously indeed and turned up at their last Potterwatch broadcast of the year with two giant bags of the stuff, with a promise to work on everlasting cheese for her as their next project.

Remus grinned at her and took a bar for himself.

"And mine!" he agreed, unwrapping it. Her mood swings, which had come and gone at an alarming rate during the fourth and fifth month of her pregnancy, seemed to be rapidly on the decline, now only making an appearance in direct relation to how hungry she was. As long as she was fed, she was happy. And by extension so was Remus.

"When I was a child, my Nana Tonks gave me a book about a chocolate factory," Tonks told him, taking a large bite of the bar in front of her. It instantly began to regrow itself. "I read it over and over. It had so many different kinds of magic sweets in it, Fred and George would definitely be able to recreate some I reckon. And at one point there was a bit about a whole palace made of chocolate. A guy actually lived in it!"

"Well I think it is just as well we don't live in a chocolate house. For one thing, you'd have eaten half of it by now."

He took another bite of his own chocolate. "Do you still have the book?"

"No," Tonks looked sad. "Mum gave it away. She didn't know how much it meant to me, to be fair, and she definitely felt bad when she saw how upset I was when I came home in my fifth year and found it had gone. She offered to buy me another copy, but I threw a massive tantrum and said it wouldn't be the same. Then after that I was kind of too proud to every broach the subject again."

"Sixteen-year-old Nymphadora Tonks throw a tantrum? I'm shocked."

She just shrugged and grinned.

"Oh, but it was such a nice edition, Remus! It had this picture of a machine on the cover, with all these rainbow-coloured tubes coming out of it, and I used to look at it and pretend I knew what each one was making…"

She played with the colourful wool on her knitted jumper.

"I probably should have let Mum buy me a new version though," she admitted. "Even if it wasn't exactly the same. It would have been nice to have now to read to the baby. Maybe we could get one somehow. My Nana had loads of others by the same author too. I remember there was one about witches, and another about giants. I used to wonder if the author was secretly a wizard, or a squib maybe, using the wizarding world as inspiration for his stories."

"It's possible, I suppose."

Tonks was twisting her wedding ring pensively round on her finger.

"I have other things of my Nana's. This ring is one of course. But sometimes I just wish I had that book again, even though it has no value, even though there was nothing particularly unique about it. It would be like having a part of her again. Is that crazy?"

"No." Remus shook his head, his voice very soft, his eyes warm. "My mother had a necklace - wore it all the time, never took it off. One of my first memories is sitting up in bed as she read me a story and I kept just reaching out to try and touch it. A little gemstone with a dragonfly in it. Just a relatively cheap muggle necklace, probably thousands of them made. But sometimes I feel the same way about that."

"Oh Remus, what happened to it? Didn't it come to you when she died?"

He shook his head again. "I did look for it when I sorted out my parents' affairs after the attack on their house. But I never found it. I'm guessing she must have been buried with it - I never saw the body, you see. The Ministry took charge of all that back then."

Tonks looked shocked.

"They wouldn't let you see the bodies of your own parents? Even though you were of age? You were seventeen when they died weren't you?"

"Eighteen, even. They died in the spring of my final year at Hogwarts. But that didn't matter. If you were still at school and your parents or guardians were killed in the war, the Ministry took charge. Sorted the body, or bodies. Registered the deaths. Notified the student via an official letter. It was horrible to be honest. The letters were so distinctive, with heavy black writing and a purple seal. Added a real dimension of dread to the morning post."

He swallowed grimly at the memory, then shrugged.

"I guess it was still better than what we have right now. At least the Ministry was on our side back then. And I went to see their house after the attack, so I have a pretty good idea of how it all happened. Maybe it's best I didn't see their bodies." He closed his eyes briefly. "Anyway, everything they had of value passed to me, although as you know that wasn't much. But I never found the necklace, and I never expect to. Mum wore it every day of her life, and I'm sure she wears it still."

Tonks was still looking very sad. "That makes my book story seem a little silly really," she said.

"It most certainly does not!" he exclaimed. As Tonks occupied herself with getting some more chocolate, still looking rather subdued, Remus was suddenly deep in thought.

Tonks's birthday was in one week's time, her third since they had met but her first since becoming a couple. On her twenty-third birthday, as they had been nothing more than friends, Sirius had purchased a bottle of mead to give to her from the two of them, Remus had made a birthday cake, and they had enjoyed a little party in the kitchen of Grimmauld place, joined by Dedalus, Mundungus, Hestia and Emmeline Vance.

Last year, he wasn't sure what they had been, lost as they were in some painful place between friendship and more, but in any case he had been deep in the throngs of a vicious werewolf pack from Christmas through to March and had not spoken to her at all on her birthday.

This year they were married, and for weeks now he had been worrying about what to get her as a gift. They had agreed on no Christmas presents, and that was fine with him, but birthdays were different. On a birthday, a husband should buy his wife a gift.

How did one buy their wife a gift without any gold?

He had been completely truthful to say that he had no gold other than in his vault at Gringotts, in which sat a miniscule pile of coins. But he did have something else.

That evening, while Tonks took a long, hot bath, Remus took out the little box that he kept in his old trunk at the back of their wardrobe and opened it with slightly trembling fingers. There were only a few items inside it:

A few photographs, including one of his parents' wedding day. Lyall and Hope Lupin smiled up at him, Hope already pregnant, blissfully unaware that the child growing inside her would be tainted with a horrible and difficult affliction in just a few years' time.

An ornate broach that had belonged to his mother.

A tiny silver pin with a badger on it. His father had been a Hufflepuff.

Gold cufflinks. A coming-of-age gift from the other marauders that only wore on the most special of occasions.

Letters, a few from his mother dating back to his first years at Hogwarts, a couple that Lily had sent him after she and James were forced to go into hiding – the last words he had ever received from her. One from Dora - the card and letter he had received from her that first Christmas at Grimmauld place, the one that had made him so happy, and a couple that Harry had sent him, the year before.

And finally, two other pieces of paper; not letters, but muggle money. They were all that had remained of his pay from his last ever job in the muggle world, in a lonely, desolate textile factory, before Dumbledore had come and offered him a role at Hogwarts. And he had kept them ever since, never changing them from their original form, purely for their symbolic value – a reminder of those final dark, lonely days before he had come back to Hogwarts, reconnected with Harry, discovered Sirius's innocence. Even though he could have got a couple of Galleons in exchange for them, the thin paper notes stood for so much more - a reminder that he never wanted to go back to that grey existence again, ostracising himself from the wizarding world and shutting out everything that had ever mattered to him.

He had something that mattered to him now. More than anything ever had before. And he never intended to shut out that part of his life again.

Making his decision, Remus took the two notes from the box, and put them in his pocket.

*******

The red door looked the same as it always had, although it had no doubt had several new coats of paint since he had last been here. A bell sounded somewhere in the shop as he pushed it open, and Remus came forward and said hello to the young man behind the counter.

"How can I help you sir?"

"I'm looking for a book that my wife had as a child... I don't know exactly what it's called, but it's about a chocolate factory."

"I'm guessing that might be _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_?" the young man asked, a bit of a grin on his face. Remus decided not to feel offended at the blatant mockery. He supposed that _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ was as commonplace in the muggle world as Babbity Rabbitty was in his. If someone went into Flourish and Blots and asked vaguely for a book about a rabbit and a cackling stump, they might get a bit of a cheeky retort in return as well.

He nodded.

"Yes, I think so."

The man collected himself and resumed his polite, customer-facing tone.

"You want Dahl for that sir, up the stairs and round the corner in the children's section. We tend to have a fair few of his in stock at any one time."

Remus smiled his thanks and went upstairs. Sure enough, when he had found the shelf he was looking for, there were several versions of _Charlie and the Chocolate_ _Factory_ available, one very battered paperback version that was almost falling apart, a plain black edition with the title stamped across it in gold, a couple that were brightly coloured and childlike, with rough, sketchy figures on the front cover. And there, at the end of the row, a hardback copy, clearly slightly older but with no visible signs of damage, its cover depicting several figures standing round an odd-looking machine which had brightly coloured tubes issuing from the top.

His heart beating slightly faster, Remus removed the book from the shelf. This must be a copy of the edition that Dora had been talking about, and he could see immediately what had attracted little Nymphie Tonks to this book, with its bright colouring and fun patterns, its bubble gum pink writing and the cartoon bird logo of some muggle publisher in the top right corner.

There was no price on the books, but he had expected this. He knew this shop. He picked up the hardback copy, and one of the coloured paperback versions as well, and headed back down to the counter.

"How much is each?" he said tentatively to the young man.

"That one - " the lad indicated the blue and purple version in Remus's right hand. "That'll be four ninety-nine. But this one will be more expensive." He examined it quickly. "Yep, that one's sixteen pounds. It's a much older version that. Not first edition of course," he said, nodding wisely. "That would be a whole different kettle of fish, but early enough that it fetches a decent price at the moment. Worth it though!" he added, seeming to remember his job as salesperson. "It's in great condition! And I always feel that the older versions are much nicer and more authentic– you get those ones," he nodded to the cheaper one, "in any old shop."

Remus swallowed with difficulty, and stared down at the books in his hand, his heart sinking. Six muggle pounds short. A quick mental calculation told him that was over a galleon. He thought of the miniscule heap of coins in his vault at Gringotts, that had not been added to since a small freelance research job that he had managed to wangle a couple of years back, under an alias, during his time living at Grimmauld Place. The pile of coins from that job had diminished, little by little, over the year that had followed Sirius's death, but the pitiful amount that remained had been untouched since his marriage to Dora, on her absolute insistence that an Auror's income – even a disgraced, temporarily out of work Auror - would do them both nicely for now, thank you very much.

He could easily ask the young man to keep the book back for him, apparate quickly to London and get out the remaining money he needed for it. The prospect of going anywhere near Diagon Alley at the moment was not a pleasant one, and as to what Dora would say if she ever found out that he had taken out nearly a third of his remaining, pitiful savings "just" to buy her a birthday present, he didn't like to think.

Using the muggle notes was one thing – he had never intended on spending them at all. Their symbolic value had always been far greater than their monetary value, and only something as important as a first ever birthday present to his beloved wife could have convinced him to change his mind. But using his last few remaining wizard coins, which he was keeping there for the worst of emergencies, when who knew when he may be able to add to that pile again… that felt different somehow.

Of course, he could just use one of the notes to buy the other edition. The story would be exactly the same, the cover was just about colourful enough for Dora, and she would be very happy with it. He could even use the extra pounds to get her something extra, maybe another book by the same author that she had talked about.

But when his eyes switched to older book, he felt a yearning tug in his chest as he pictured Dora's face on seeing it again.

_Don't be ridiculous, it's just a stupid muggle children's book. Hardly the gift of the century, whichever one you go for._

While he was agonising, a tiny little lady with grey curly hair came out of the back room. "Olly, darling, could you just change these notes for me. And did you count up that order from Thursday? Oh, I'm so sorry sir, I didn't see you there."

Remus smiled at the little woman, recognising her instantly but not expecting any recognition in return. The woman, however, looked back at him in surprise, her light blue eyes widening.

"John Lupin? It can't be! Is that you?"

Remus blinked. John Lupin was a name he hadn't heard for many years, but of course that is what she would have known him as. His middle name, that he had regularly used as a low-lying outcast in the muggle world, on the basis that John drew far less negative attention and suspicion than the more outlandish _Remus_.

He smiled and nodded.

"Hello Mrs Farley, I didn't think you would remember me."

"Of course I remember you! I know it's been a good long while, but my memory isn't quite gone yet you know. And you were always such a good lad, with all that extra help you gave us in the storeroom, working late shifts and everything, and reading to Olly here when we were busy. I felt so awful when Alan let you go like that-" she broke off, turning red.

Remus just shrugged his normal, mellow acceptance of such matters. He had had far more devastating blows since then of course, both work-related and otherwise, but it would have been a lie to say that he had not been disappointed when he had lost his job in this quaint little book shop. The pay hadn't been terrible, the work fairly interesting, and although Alan Farley had been a cranky and sometimes downright unpleasant employer, his wife Catherine had been the complete opposite; gentle and kindly company, sympathetic and motherly, often sending him home with a big helping of one of her lovely homecooked meals. Just a couple of years after the fall of Voldemort, the wound caused by the loss of his parents and his dearest friends had still been open and raw, and her soft presence had soothed that ever so slightly.

Their son, Olly, who Remus now knew to be the youth behind the counter, had been a dark-haired and solemn three-year-old at the time, and Remus had often preferred to stay in the shop and read to him in the evenings, keeping him occupied while his parents were finalising the daily sales, rather than go back to his own dank, lonely flat. This had often been accompanied by an ache of sadness in his chest that it wasn't Harry sitting there and listening to him so intently, back in the cosy sitting room at Godric's Hollow.

_It'll be your own child soon_ , a small voice in his head piped up, as he remembered those wistful feelings, and he felt the customary leap in his stomach – the somersault of completely wild joy, so free of panic or fear - that he still had trouble recognising despite its frequent appearances.

He smiled back at her.

"It's not your fault, Mrs Farley, I'd already missed a lot of shifts, and that last morning was just one time too many."

"Well yes I know dear, but I also know you weren't in good health at the time, and that is hardly your fault is it." She smiled gently at him, "I hope you are better now?"

Remus considered this. Health-wise, not really, he supposed. But happiness-wise, more so than he could ever put into words.

"What is it your buying?" she enquired, looking embarrassed at his hesitation, her gaze falling on the books in his hand. "Ooh, lovely. Such a fun book. Is it for someone in particular?"

He hesitated, but here, at least, was someone who had no reason at all to judge him for his decision to marry and have a child. "My wife," he said. The words, after all these months, still felt strange. "It was her favourite book when she was a child," he added. "And we'd like to read it to our baby, when it's born."

Catherine beamed. "Oh, how wonderful! Well, you simply must have that one!" she pointed to the hardback version. "Such a pretty cover, and you don't see that many of them around anymore. Not like these funny ones," she gestured to the scratchy illustrations on the other cover. "Call me old fashioned. I'm sure illustrations like that are very artistic in their own way, but I just think they look a bit strange!"

Remus hesitated, and tried his hardest not to go red. He had almost made his decision to get the cheaper one before she had come out, on the basis that it was the sensible, practical thing to do, and times of war really did call for common sense and practicality. But now he felt that temptation again, to make up some excuse about running to a cash machine, go to Gringotts for the remainder, and hurry back as fast as he could. Surely he'd be able to replenish his vault a little at some point, somehow, soon… and Dora would never need to know how much the book had actually cost.

"It's on us of course!" the little lady added, watching him closely.

"No, no!" Remus really did go red at this _. Please, not more charity_. "Absolutely not! I couldn't possibly."

"A gift to you," she said. "I insist. As a congratulations and a thank you for the extra work you did all those years ago. Alan didn't pay you nearly enough as it was. Here, Olly, run it through on code one please, and I'll get a little bag for you in case it's still raining out there."

Remus felt quite desperate as both the book and the matter were taken completely out of his hands. How on earth was he supposed to explain to this lovely old lady who he hadn't seen for fifteen years and, even back then, had barely known, how vitally important it was that he _paid_ for this book, that it was _his_ gift to buy. But then Catherine Farley turned around on her way to the cupboard at the back. "Of course," she continued, sounding very casual, but giving him a look of kind understanding. "If you wanted to put some money in the collecting tin, we'd be most grateful for any donations however big or small. We're raising money for the local hospital, all proceeds going to the children's ward for long term illnesses. It's actually a very personal cause to us."

Remus hesitated a fraction of a second longer, but then nodded gratefully at her. Charity for charity. It still wasn't ideal, but he supposed that he could live with it under the circumstances. He took both paper notes from his pocket and stuffed them into the little collection tin, and she handed him the bag.

"Thank you, John," she smiled.

"Thank _you_ , Mrs Farley, sincerely. This means a lot."

Walking out of shop, Remus looked a sadly back at the little red door. Concealing himself in the alley just next to it, he took out his wand and cast a couple of swift charms that would at least contribute to their protection, should unsavoury characters come calling in the area, before disappearing back to his own home with a pop.

* * *

**25** **th** **January 1998**

Just a week later, Remus sat in the kitchen, attempting to charm some of Fred and George's chocolate into a model of the Hogwarts castle. The birthday cake had been easy enough to make, and now sat on the table, oozing chocolate cream. However, he was starting to think that he may have been a bit overambitious in the decoration.

"Well, at least that settles one thing," he grumbled to himself, as a couple of the turrets crumbled at the top. "There's no way Dahl was secretly a wizard. Otherwise he would have known that being able to charm chocolate into a large intricate building is a load of dragon crap."

About an hour later, however, he was fairly happy with what he had achieved. A reasonably accurate Hogwarts castle sat on top of the cake. The little book lay wrapped in bright paper on the table, and a couple of huge colour-changing balloons were hung up in the kitchen.

Tonks, who had been banished from the kitchen while he worked, was in the living room doing some kind of gentle stretching routine that Fleur had recommended, when he heard the knock on the front door.

"That'll be Mum," she called. "I'll get it."

"Hi Mum!" he heard her say. "Come in! Remus is doing something secret in the kitchen that I'm not allowed to see."

Deciding that the job he had done was the best he was going to get, Remus came out of the kitchen and into the sitting room.

"Hi Andromeda."

"Hello Remus." She gave him a warm smile.

_Definite progress._

"This is for you." Andromeda handed Tonks several containers of food.

"Mum – you didn't have to do that…"

"I know, I know, but who doesn't love a home cooked meal from their mother? I don't of course, but I'm generally the exception. And," she went on. "I know you said no gifts, but I couldn't not get you anything on your twenty-fifth birthday. It's a Golden Birthday, you know, when the date matches your age. So I hope if you won't accept something for yourself then you will at least accept something for your baby."

She held out a large basket, lined with soft material and containing several gifts. Tonks grinned in delight as she took some of the items out, inspecting them. Tiny little baby jump suits, bibs, some toys, furry slippers with little rabbits on them - the rabbits were blinking up at them earnestly - and a mobile that glowed different colours depending on how awake the baby was.

"Thanks Mum," Tonks said softly. "They are beautiful."

Remus stared at the gifts, suddenly feeling a little bit hollow. Beautiful though they were, he had been proud of his own gift until then, excited to see Dora's face when she opened it. Now, in comparison to the shiny, new presents that Andromeda had brought, it suddenly seemed wholly inadequate.

Before he could dwell too much on this, Tonks turned to him.

"Am I allowed in the kitchen yet?"

"Err.. yes. Go on then."

She bounced past him and her eyes lit up at the sight of the cake.

"Oh my- Remus that's amazing! Did you do that?"

"Yes," he smiled. "It's not the neatest job in the world, and I'm not much of an artist, but-"

"I love it," she said excitedly, hugging him tightly. Remus, for a fleeting second, could picture her as a six-year-old again, high on sugar and excitement. "It looks too good to eat." She immediately reached out and took a tiny bit of the icing and Remus just raised an eyebrow.

"Also." His heart was thumping stupidly as he held out the package, feeling stupidly nervous. "This is for you."

Her expression changed to one of confusion.

"Remus, we said no gifts," she protested.

"No, we said no Christmas gifts," he corrected her. "Nothing at all about birthdays."

"But-"

"It's a really small thing, honestly," he said hurriedly, very aware that Andromeda was watching silently from the doorway of the kitchen. "Barely anything at all."

"Yeah but still-" She pulled off the paper and her face changed again as she stared down at the book cover, taking in the illustration, turning it over in her hands to read the blurb on the back.

"Where did you get this?" she breathed.

"A shop I used to know."

"But - but it's exactly like the one I used to have."

"I thought it seemed like the one you had described. I'm pretty sure it's not the exact same book Dora. That would be way too much of a coincidence. I was lucky they had it in stock at all."

She was staring down at the book, a very strange expression on her face.

"I know it's not much," he said anxiously, concerned by her silence. He was also worried about what Andromeda must think, watching him from the corner. Nothing but a ragged old book for her daughter's birthday. "I just thought, after our chat the other day-"

She cut him off by throwing her arms round his neck.

"Thank you," she whispered. She hugged him tighter, words not quite enough to express how she was feeling.

After several long moments they broke apart and she added. "This is so cool. A book about Golden Tickets for my Golden Birthday!"

"Total coincidence," he laughed. "I haven't a clue what the book is about. Other than being about a chocolate factory. And a boy called Charlie."

"Well then you'll just have to read it to me later. It can be my bedtime story."

He burst out laughing. Grown up wartime Auror one second, five-year-old the next. Just as she always had been. But he was secretly excited to have an excuse to read this book that she was so keen on.

"Of course I will."

She grinned.

"Can we have cake now?"

"I thought you said it looked too good to eat."

"I think you're imagining things again… Come on, I want to make my birthday wish."

*******

Later, when Tonks had disappeared off on one of her many trips to the bathroom, and it was just Andromeda and Remus alone in the kitchen, Andromeda picked up the book from the table. Remus felt himself tense up a little, but a very soft expression was on Andromeda's elegant features.

"I remember this book," she murmured, opening the front cover and looking at the title page, "and the row that ensued when I gave all her old books away. I thought that she hadn't touched them in years, I truly didn't do it to be difficult. She was so upset when she found it had gone, but far too stubborn to ever let me try and make amends for it. I didn't realise for ages, until Ted told me, that it had been a gift from Joan – his mother," she clarified quickly.

Remus could only nod.

"They were close, you know, her and her grandmother," Andromeda went on. "Ted's father quite an intimidating man – lovely in his own way, but very brusque. Joan was different. Gentle, like Ted, and absolutely adored Nymphadora. She would take her round their land and show her all the animals, letting her milk the cows and feed the horses. Threatening not to let her visit the farm on weekends turned out to be a great producer of model behaviour."

Remus laughed softly.

"She died only four years ago, but the last few years of her life were spent in a muggle care home, with -dementia, I think they call it. Nymphadora used to visit her in her school holidays, but she barely recognised her. A very different person from that little lady who used to give her donkey rides around the farm."

Andromeda put the book back on the table as they heard the clumsy baby elephant like footsteps of Tonks coming back downstairs.

"You said it wasn't much Remus, but I can assure you, this book means far more to her than you could possibly imagine."

He smiled awkwardly, a little embarrassed. But in his mind's eye, he saw a bright orange stone, hanging round the neck of a pretty, dark-haired woman, a tiny dragonfly glinting in its centre. He thought that, possibly, he _could_ imagine.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and reviewing! xx

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Purple**

* * *

**4th February 1998**

"Do you reckon it's a boy or a girl?" Tonks asked, running her hand over now very round stomach, as she lay on the bed one tempestuous evening. Rain was lashing against the windows, the wind was howling in the trees outside and they had come upstairs to try and feel a little bit cosier. It hadn't helped much, admittedly, but at least the bedroom was smaller and warmer than the other rooms in the house.

Remus thought for a second.

"A girl!"

"But last time you said you thought it would be a boy!"

"Well, why do you keep asking me the same question if you don't want a different answer?"

As Tonks was pondering this, trying to find a suitably smart retort, a slight glow on her bedside table caught her eye. Her _Communicoin_ was glowing, a sign that it had a new message. Unconcerned, and expecting it just to contain details of the next Potterwatch location, Tonks picked it up, stared at it, and then took a sharp intake of breath.

"Remus," she choked out. "Sturgis is dead."

A lead weight, so familiar yet still so shocking every time it happened, dropped into Remus's stomach.

" _What_?"

She held out the coin so he could see.

The coin was devoid of details, but the overall message was clear. Sturgis Podmore had been murdered the night before.

It was a grim end to an already grim day. Neither of them had been particularly close to Sturgis, even though Remus's school years had overlapped a little with his and he had been in the original Order with him. Sturgis had never been around much other than for Order meetings and he hadn't tended to stay for dinner or late into the evening at Grimmauld Place, as some of the other members had done. Then of course, he had spent six months in Azkaban for a crime that hadn't been his fault at all, and by the time he was out, the general format of the Order had changed and they had hardly seen him until his collaboration with Potterwatch at the end of last year. Tonks had barely got to know him at all.

Nevertheless, he had been their friend and ally, cheerful and amusing company, and just a few weeks ago he had been laughing and joking with them, as Lancelot on their twelfth broadcast of _Potterwatch_.

They would never see his face again.

Neither of them slept well that night. The wind continued to howl and the rain kept falling. More than once, they were jolted awake by the sound of the storm. Remus, having finally drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning, was still dozing when Tonks got out of bed and sleepily pulled on some clothes. It was only when a strangled cry came from the kitchen that he jerked awake.

He was up and sprinting down the stairs in a matter of seconds.

"Are you ok?" he said breathlessly, stumbling into the kitchen doorway.

"Yes, yes _I'm_ fine, but look."

Tonks was pointing to the floor.

What had once been a thriving Moonwort plant was now a mess of earth and shrivelled leaves on the kitchen tiles. The pot, which they kept on the window ledge so that it received the right amount of sunlight and moonlight to keep growing, was smashed into many pieces.

"It's all my fault," Tonks said fretfully, "I had the window open yesterday afternoon, before the storm came in, and I must have forgotten to lock it properly, and then with the news about Sturgis and everything I didn't check, and it must have blown open in the wind and knocked the plant off. I'm such an _idiot._ Anyone could have come in, broken in, and now-" she looked at the mess on the floor, her eyes huge and worried.

"Dora, Dora, calm down," Remus soothed. "We have protective enchantments, remember, all round the borders of the land. No one could have come in unless we knew them and had already given them the address. And I really don't think Bill Weasley or Kingsley were going to be sneaking in the kitchen window to rob us blind, do you?"

"But the Moonwort!"

"We have more seeds. We'll plant more. It'll be ok!"

"But it _won't_ be Remus! The full moon is just eight days away, and you need to take your first dose tomorrow, with fresh leaves added every day. This Moonwort is past saving, and I haven't got time to grow it back. For the March moon, yes, but not for tomorrow."

The full impact of what she was saying suddenly sank in. Without the Moonwort, the wolfsbane potion would be completely useless.

"You see!" Tonks cried, borderline hysterical now that he had realised the full extent of the problem. "There's nothing I can do to make it grow back - it needs a full month. We could try and get the ready made wolfsbane, like you used to get. From St Mungo's. Or I could go out to some apothecaries, maybe Diagon Alley will have some fresh Moonwort. Or if not I'll try Hogsmeade."

"You will do no such thing,"

"But-"

"It is far too dangerous for either of us to be going to Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade," he said. "And anyway, you know it would be no use. The apothecaries don't sell fresh Moonwort at the moment, that's partly why we started growing it in the first place. And there is no way we will be able to get our hands on the ready-made potion. St Mungo's stock always had to be strictly Ministry approved, and that will have been revoked months ago. The new regime either wants to stamp out werewolves or turn them into killing machines, not keep them as healthy, docile members of society."

"But I have to at least try!"

"Dora, please calm down," Remus said firmly, taking both of her hands in his. "We are not putting our lives in danger, just for the sake of this. I've spent most of my life without the wolfsbane potion, a lot of last year included. One full moon without it now won't do me any harm."

He gently brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. It was its natural state of light brown, a clear sign of the extent of her distress.

"I'll go to my parents' old house, like I used to a few years ago," he went on. "I'll be perfectly safe, far away from you. I'll leave before it gets dark, so as not to take any chances, and I'll come back in the morning. It will be one night. I'll probably have a few scrapes and bruises which will be easily fixed, and by the next moon I'll be able to take the potion again. Problem solved."

She looked unconvinced.

"Can't you at least be here, in the cellar where you normally are? We could put extra reinforcements on it and then I will be able to help you in the morning. And you won't be alone."

Remus went pale at the very idea.

"Absolutely not."

"But Remus, it would be fine! We'd make sure it was safe."

"And what if we made a mistake?" he challenged. "What if, somehow, I got loose, ended up attacking you, or biting you, or…" he could barely say it. "killing you?"

"You _wouldn't_ though."

"There is no guarantee of that."

He could not look at her as he went on.

"Dora, that time at Hogwarts, that night I forgot to take my potion, has haunted me ever since. What if I had bitten one of the students, or Sirius? What if I had harmed Harry, or worse, killed him. _Harry_. Lily and James once told me that I would be godfather to their second child…they never lived to see that reality and I couldn't even protect their first and only child properly in their stead. I couldn't have lived with myself if I had hurt him. And it's pure luck that I didn't. I lose my mind completely when I transform."

He looked quite sick.

"The thought of hurting you is even more unbearable. I would not even be able to open my eyes the next day, for fear of what I might see… what I might have done. No, Dora, staying here is not even a subject for debate."

*******

Matters did not improve over the next few days. Tonks relented in the end, accepting that it really was too dangerous, not to mention completely pointless, for them to try and hunt down wolfsbane ingredients in the present climate, and as Remus refused point blank to even discuss the idea of staying in the house for his transformation, she gave into that as well, but she was overwhelmed with fear and worry nonetheless.

The weather remained filthy, winds and rain rattling the windows and doors, with the only break in this being an appearance of thick, damp mist, clear signs that dementors were lurking nearby.

Their next _Potterwatch_ , just few days before the full moon, was a very bleak affair, after the loss of Sturgis. Kingsley gave them a few more details on what had happened and it seemed that it had been very unlucky. Sturgis, on hearing that Death Eaters were in his area, had fled and tried to set up base elsewhere, but they had been able to track him, and the concealment charms that he set up around his new base were not strong enough to stop them from finding him.

"He was always more one for fighting, than concealing," Kingsley said sadly. "I was supposed to check on him a couple of hours earlier than I did, to reinforce the enchantments for him. I got held up, and when I found him…"

Words failed him.

* * *

**11** **th** **February 1998**

On the morning of the full moon, Tonks woke up feeling completely nauseous, and barely able to eat any breakfast. She did manage a small bowl of porridge, mostly for the baby and partly to stop Remus worrying about her more than he seemed to be already.

By three o'clock that afternoon, Remus was ready. No chances, he insisted. He would leave well before nightfall.

Tonks watched as he pulled his thickest travelling cloak off the hook by the door and wrapped it round himself.

"Please give me the address."

"I thought we'd already been through this."

"I'll only come if I haven't heard from you at all by say nine… or ten even. I promise. I just need to know where you'll be."

Remus did not reply as he grabbed a book off the shelf near the door and tucked it inside the little bag of food that he was taking.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay at Shell Cottage for the night, or The Burrow, or your mother's? You know they would all have you in an instant."

She sighed, refusing to let him change the subject.

"I'll be fine Remus, I promise. Stop worrying about where I'll be, and let me worry about where you'll be. Please, just give me the address. I _have_ to know where you're going to be."

He relented, if only to keep her calmer and to stop her fretting about him more than she already was. Such worry could surely not be good for the baby.

"Here." He wrote it on a piece of paper. "But you won't need it. I will send you a patronus as soon as I am awake, and I'll come back to you as soon as I'm strong enough to apparate. OK?"

She could only nod.

"I'll be fine," he assured her, pulling her into a hug and kissing her softly. "One night. I'll see you in the morning."

"You'll come back?"

"I promise."

She watched forlornly as he made his way to the end of the garden and disapparated.

*******

Remus reappeared seconds later outside an old, rundown house in the middle of nowhere.

It had been several years since he had been here to transform. During his years as an outcast in the Muggle world he had come here every full moon. It had been the safest place he could think of. The reason that his parents had moved here in the first place, shortly before his seventh birthday, was to keep themselves far away from other houses, and some of the more complex protective enchantments placed on the house still held strong even thirty years later.

Others, of course, had died with his father, but he had been able to put a lot of them back up himself years ago, and they endured as well.

The house was in as remote a location as he could hope for, and it had been in such a state of disrepair since the attack on his parents in the first war that there had never been much he could do to destroy it any further.

The house looked worse than it ever had before, in the cold, misty February darkness.

He made his way up the front steps, looking sadly at the little sign that hung there on one rusty nail - Violet Cottage. He pushed open the door, memories suddenly assaulting him more forcefully than they ever had before.

_Remus pushed open the door to the cottage. He knew there were not going to be any bodies there; the Ministry had seen to that. But it was a grim scene, nonetheless. The living room was completely destroyed, a mess of glass, brick and rubble. The kitchen was almost as bad. Windows were smashed in most of the rooms._

_Remus could tell just from the state of the house that his father had put up a terrific fight, no doubt trying to protect his wife, who he had loved with all his heart, despite the strains that their relationship had had to bear over the years. Hope was a muggle, therefore completely defenceless in this situation. From what Remus could tell, his father had fought and fought, tearing apart the downstairs of the house before being forced to retreat upstairs. Pipes were burst, the floor was covered with water, and scorch marks lined the wall by the staircase._

_Feeling sick and a little disorientated, Remus made his way upstairs._

_The floor above was in a much better state. The bathroom merely had a few cracked tiles. His childhood bedroom had escaped a lot of the damage, barring a few singe marks on the floor. He did not know at what point his father had died, but it could not have been long after coming upstairs._

_The only room that was completely free of damage was his parents' bedroom. But even in here, the sheets on the bed were not pristinely smoothed out as his house proud mother normally left them, rather wrinkled and crumpled up, with an indent in the pillow, as if someone had been lying there. It did not take much deduction to work out where Hope Lupin had been when his father had finally been overcome. Remus could only hope that it had been quick and clean for his kind, gentle, defenceless mother._

_He thought of his mother, of her caring face watching over him through all his years of pain and transformations. He thought of his father, doing his best to protect his family no matter how hard the cost. He sank into an old chair with his head in his hands, and let the tears fall._

Remus looked round at the shabby furnishings in his parents' old bedroom. There were no tears now, merely a sad sense of longing.

He sighed, went back downstairs and pushed open the door to the room that he had always used for transformations, the annex which had been added onto the house when he'd reached the age of ten, and become too big and powerful during the full moon nights for his parents to risk keeping him in his bedroom. This room, too, had been destroyed in the attack, but Remus had spent many hours in the days before his first ever transformation back here, fixing the space, repairing the windows, doors and roof, and reinforcing the walls.

Now, he pushed open the door, and then stared in dismay. The room, that had not been used for this activity in several years, was damp, the windows rotting away. Part of the roof had caved in. Clearly the recent weeks of stormy weather had done more damage than he had anticipated. It would not be safe or secure for a fully-fledged werewolf in its current state.

_Idiot_ , Remus cursed himself. How had this not occurred to him before? This part of the house had previously been destroyed by dark magic, so of course it was going to disintegrate quicker, especially in the current weather and climate. He should have realised this, come here earlier in the week, fixed it up and spent several hours making sure it was safe.

But he had not thought of it before, and now only two options remained. Repair the room as best he could before moonrise, or stay in a different room of the house for the night.

He could work on the reinforcements again, he supposed. But there was a lot that needed to be done in a short space of time, and he wasn't physically or magically strong at the moment. The full moon tended to weaken him on its approach, particularly without the wolfsbane. Could he be completely sure that he would be able to do a good enough job to keep him secure for the night? And what if he made a mistake? What if he, somehow, made it to a neighbouring village, bit someone, bit a child, and infected someone's son or daughter with this horrible affliction?

He could not possibly risk it. Not when there was a better, safer option.

He just didn't want to take it.

An ache in the pit of his stomach, Remus climbed painstakingly back upstairs. He had another look in his childhood bedroom. Other than the fact that most of his possessions were gone, it looked the same as it always had; the bed in the corner, the bookshelf with the model trains on it, the faded mauve curtains. But it was small. It had been too small even at the age of ten, and it was much, much too small for him to be able to use now.

Heart heavy, he crossed the landing and returned to his parents' room. Sure enough, this would do the job. It was still smaller than the annex room, unfortunately, and that would not be pleasant. But it was secure. As the only room in the house - other than his own - that had not been blown apart by dark magic, it had retained its structure over the years, and it would only need a few simple charms to make it safe for the night. He barricaded the door and used several locking charms. Reinforced the glass in the windows, then boarded them up as well. Shrank some of the larger pieces of furniture so that he had as much space as possible. It would have to do.

"I'm sorry." The soft apology was to his parents for destroying the only thing he had left of them.

Then he took out the book he had brought with him, and his sandwiches, sat on the old bed and tried to read, counting down the minutes until moonrise.

His heart was thumping in his mouth, as he wondered what the night had in store for him after all these months of taking the wolfsbane and simply curling up on a mattress in a fortified cellar, waiting patiently for the moon to wane again. He would never have admitted it to Dora, but he was afraid.

*******

Tonks would never have admitted it to her husband, but she was afraid.

Two hundred and fifty miles away from where Remus currently sat, trying to read but not taking in a word of what was written, she paced the living room of their home. She sat on the sofa, then went through to the kitchen. She went up to their bedroom and tried to get some sleep, then immediately got up again. The house felt eerie and frightening in its empty state.

She wasn't used to being alone anymore, and certainly not at night. Months in hiding has seen to that. Once upon a time, she had loved her evenings of solitude, relishing the knowledge that she could go back to her own space, do whatever she pleased, dress however she liked and listen to whatever music she wanted, with no one to disturb her.

But things were different now. She couldn't even remember the last night she had spent on her own.

Well…actually, she could, she realised. She could remember precisely the last night that she had spent alone in her old flat, and the night that had followed as well. But the memory didn't make her feel any more cheerful about being alone right now.

_Tonks came home and slammed her front door. She had just made things one hundred times worse, and she knew it. Declaring her love for Remus in front of the entire Weasley family, Harry, Hermione and Minerva McGonagall, in the wake of Albus Dumbeldore's death had been a ridiculous thing to do. But she was now so deep in despair that all rational actions seemed beyond her._

_She had truly believed, six weeks ago, that she had finally got through to Remus. After that night. That one, beautiful, wonderful night together. Returned from the werewolf pack, unsuccessful in his mission but mercifully alive, he had seemed to be welcoming her renewed companionship more and more as the days went by. And as the weeks wore on, she had felt closer and closer to him. And when they had finally kissed for a third time, and he hadn't pushed her away, letting things unfold well past the point of no return, she had thought that he had, at long last, seen reason._

_She had woken up the next morning feeling happier than she had in months. A little uncomfortable, perhaps, but joy had eclipsed pain, and anyway, she was not going to admit that detail to Remus. She didn't want to give him more reason to pull away from her, not when he finally seemed to be giving in._

_It hadn't mattered. Because as soon as he opened his eyes and looked down at her, she had seen the expression on his face. The look of regret, of remorse, of self-loathing. And she began to understand that nothing was ever going to change his mind._

_Since then, she had tried so hard to forget him, to move on. She had done everything she could to block thoughts of him from even entering her mind, throwing herself into her work, spending time with her colleagues, volunteering for every Order mission going. But she hadn't been able to forget him, nor feel any differently. Seeing him tonight, after six whole weeks without a single word from him, had made everything so much more painful. And seeing Fleur - beautiful, young, delicate Fleur, who could have had any man she wanted - sit over Bill Weasley's lifeless form and declare that a werewolf bite was not going to stop her marrying the man she loved, had been the final straw._

_She grabbed a tiny china vase from the table in her kitchen and hurled it across the room with a cry of fury._

_As the sound of breaking china faded, there was a knock on the door._

_It couldn't be. Could it? She did not even hope. She did not even care. She wasn't even sure she wanted to see him anymore._

_Sure enough, Remus stood there, looking gaunt and sad and sick. But seeing him like that just made her even more angry. He had no right to be unhappy about this, not when he was the one making them both miserable._

" _Why are you here?" She tried to slam the door in his face, but managed to get his foot in the gap, pushing it open and coming in after her._

" _Tonks, please-"_

" _Why are you here?" she repeated, more loudly, as he followed her into the sitting room. "Seriously Remus, you can't keep doing this to me. You can't! You can't keep pushing me away and then coming over to try and comfort me and make everything right again. Not when you know full well the only thing that can make this right!"_

_"Tonks, why can't you just drop this," he pleaded. "It's killing me to see you like this, you have to know that, but I've said all I can say, and I don't understand why you can't just accept-"_

_"I'll tell you why!" Tonks snapped, cutting over him. For once, the tears weren't forthcoming, for which she was glad. "I'll tell you! Because don't think I haven't tried. Don't think I didn't do everything I could to push you out of my mind. I even tried to hate you, for making me feel so utterly worthless. Don't interrupt," she yelled brokenly, as Remus opened his mouth in protest. "You can say what you like Remus, but I did feel worthless, because I was giving myself to you,_ throwing _myself at you, and all you did was push me away. And you're_ still _pushing me away!"_

_She was shaking a little as she continued. "But I couldn't hate you, and I couldn't give up on you, and I sat here," she gestured wildly around the living room, "for hours sometimes trying to work out why. And after driving myself almost insane with my stupid, obsessive thoughts, I realised..."_

_She paused to take a deep steadying breath._

_"You never said that you didn't feel the same way," she finished, a little more calmly. "For all your stupid,_ ridiculous _arguments, all your protests that you were too old, and too poor, and that you might hurt me... You sure as hell made me feel like you didn't want me, but you never actually said it."_

_"But Tonks," Remus ran his hands through his thick hair in frustration. "_ You _know full well that was never the problem. You know this isn't about you! You know that I wish things were different and we could be together. So how could I stand here and tell you that I don't?"_

_"Because it would have helped to hear it!" Tonks retorted instantly. "Because I told myself that if I could hear those words - even just once - then I could convince myself that you really didn't want me and then I could move on. I've been rejected before, you know! A lot of guys can't stand the fact that they don't know what face they're going to see one day to the next! But do you really think that when that happened I wasted months grieving and pining and making a complete idiot of myself? Because I didn't," she spat, her voice raising again as Remus looked completely at a loss in the face of her rage. "I got over it and I was fine! This was different. Because although I knew it really wasn't because of me, it would have been so much easier to accept if it had been. And no matter what I did I couldn't stop hoping that at some point you were going to change your mind!"_

_She glared at him, and he looked so stricken, so guilty, and she didn't want to say the next bit, but she had had enough now. She couldn't keep living in this terrible swing between pointless hope and overwhelming sadness. She had to move on._

_"So say it!" It was a harsh command. A few stray tears ran down her cheeks, but she brushed them away impatiently. "Just tell me that you don't want to be with me, that I'm not good enough for you! And I swear! I_ swear _to you that I'll get over you, and I'll move on, and I'll find someone else. Someone younger, someone who has more money, someone who isn't a werewolf. I'll do all those things that you keep saying you want for me, if you just tell me that you don't love me the way I love you."_

_A dead silence fell over her living room. Their eyes locked. And she waited, for the words that would hurt her so deeply, but that might finally release her from this everlasting cycle of longing and misery._

_"I can't say that," he said at last, and she felt the outrage and exasperation and pure fury bubble up in her again, that he should insist that he wanted her happiness but then deny her any possible chance of this being the case. But then he reached out and took her hand, pulled her closer towards him, lowered his head slightly so that his lips met hers. They stood there for several moments, the kiss softer and gentler than their previous ones, the salty taste of her tears strong in their mouths. But this time it was Tonks who cut it short, her eyes wary as she pulled away and looked up at Remus, not daring to believe that this was really happening._

_"Are you just doing this to shut me up?" she asked, a note of warning in her voice. "Because if you're going to kiss me and then tell me that nothing can happen. If you're going to walk away again, I swear -"_

_"I won't." Remus interrupted quietly. "I'll stay this time." He swallowed and looked deep into her eyes. "I promise."_

He had explained to her, many months later, the thoughts that had swarmed through his mind in the space of just a few seconds. How he had truly believed that he wanted her to be happy with someone else, until faced with the ultimatum that would finally push her away. How he had been completely unable to say those few words. How, in the face of this, there had only been one remaining option for him to take. And how doing so had been the best decision, belated though it was, of his life.

Tonks sat on the little sofa, lost in thought. He had been there, by her side, ever since that night, excepting the four days after Bill and Fleur's wedding of course, and that was now well in the past, forgiven, if not completely forgotten. But now he was hundreds of miles away. And it was all her fault. For a completely wild moment she considered going to the house, or somewhere very close by, so that she could be there for him the second moonset came. But she swiftly decided against it. Remus would quite possibly never forgive her, even if she found a way to guarantee her own safety. And anyway, she had promised him that she would stay away, just as he had promised her that he would come back.

_What you going to do today?" she asked cautiously, the next morning, watching him get dressed._

_"Order work needs doing," he sighed. "I don't even know where to begin, to be honest, with Dumbledore gone. I'll try and get hold of Mad Eye. And we need to sort out what will happen to Grimmauld Place."_

_"But you'll come back?" Tonks could not keep the note of worry out of her voice. The worry that he was going to run away and pretend last night's events hadn't happened, just as he had done before. That he was going to push her away again with insistence that he wasn't worthy of her. But he was smiling as he came over to her._

_"I'll always come back," he said, kissing her gently. "I promised."_

A gust of wind made one of the windows rattle and Tonks gave a jump of fright.

_You're an Auror_ , she told herself furiously. _Get a bloody grip on yourself._

But tonight was different. Being alone was different tonight, especially with the horrible news about Sturgis so fresh in her mind. And she couldn't stop her thoughts straying to her husband all those miles away, couldn't stop picturing what horrible wounds he might be inflicting on himself in just a few hours' time. At last, as the sun set completely and the sky faded from indigo to pitch black, Tonks could not bear it any longer. Making a quick decision, she pulled on her own fur lined travelling cloak, and, making sure everything was securely locked behind her, made her way down the garden path.


	13. Chapter 13

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Amber**

* * *

"Tonks!" Bill Weasley's face filled with concern as he opened the door and saw her standing there. "My god! Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, fine!" she assured him, although her teeth were chattering.

"Come in, come in!"

He ushered her over the threshold and into the kitchen where Fleur, who was clearing away some plates from the table, also looked up in worry.

"Everything's fine!" Tonks repeated to her, but neither of them looked convinced.

"What's going on? Where's Remus?" Bill said urgently. His eyes were calculating, flicking over to the calendar on the wall, then to the dark sky outside.

Tonks hastened to explain. She didn't want any doubts to be cast on Remus's intentions right now, particularly not when his absence was all her fault. She explained about the storm, and the smashed plant, how she had not been able to make the potion and how Remus had insisted on staying away for the night and had left a few hours before.

"And - and I thought I'd be fine, but then it got dark - and - I didn't want to be alone."

She hated how feeble she sounded.

"Urgh, what must you think of me," she said in exasperation. "I'm an Auror, for crying out loud, I used to live alone, every single day… and now I can't even manage it for one little night?"

"I think it's more than understandable," Bill said gently. "And you did the right thing, coming here. If we'd known we would have told you to come round anyway!"

"Absolument!" Fleur exclaimed. "Of course you must stay here tonight, there can be no question!"

Despite her worries about Remus, which would undoubtedly plague her until she saw him again the next day, forty-five minutes later Tonks knew that she had indeed made the right decision. Sitting in front of the fire with a large mug of hot chocolate, while Bill nursed a smoky whisky and Fleur sipped delicately at a French d _igestif_ , she may not have felt completely calm, but she felt a hell of a lot better than she had on her own in the eerie silence of her own living room. She had even managed to smile as she and Bill relived some memories of their own days at Hogwarts. Of the three eldest Weasleys boys, Tonks had been closest to Charlie, and despite being in different houses the two of them had been firm friends from the start.

"…and that time that you and Charlie jinxed all Percy's spellbooks so that the words jumped around and all the pictures became crude animated drawings," Bill chuckled. "You should have seen him in the common room that evening trying to read them. And he _still_ pretended nothing was wrong, just sat there all solemn and dignified. Charlie and I were literally crying."

"Oh, he was just too easy a target, was little poncy Percy," Tonks said, her own eyes crinkling in amusement at the memory. "Sorry," she added hastily. "I know he's your brother, whatever he may be like at the moment."

"Oh, he's still a ponce!" Bill assured her. "In fact that's a pretty kind description of how he's acting right now. Try Grade A prick. Mind you, he really couldn't catch a break at school, because you two left and then the twins started. And they were even worse. I think by the end of their first term they had switched the labels on all his potion ingredients, filled his shoes with dungbombs and - pretty impressively for first years, actually - bewitched his bed to sing him a lullaby every night."

"I don't think we would have got away with pranks like that at Beauxbatons," said Fleur, who had been listening in amusement. "Zey were very strict over zere."

"Yes, they were probably a bit more lax at Hogwarts," Bill agreed.

"Although!" Tonks shot him a look. "Surely it was your job, as Head Boy and leader of the student body, to stop such cruel and unnecessary behaviour towards the younger students?"

"And turn in my brother and his coolest friend?" Bill said in mock horror. "No way! Percy needed lightening up anyway. I didn't tell Mum either. She'd have fretted for seven years that he was being bullied."

"Yes, she probably wouldn't be quite so fond of me now if she knew about all our pranks back then. It's bad enough that I nearly squished Ginny with my luggage trolley when she was toddling towards Charlie to meet him off the Hogwarts express that time. Your Mum's never let me forget that!"

"Mum always liked you though!" Bill said. "I think she always hoped you might end up together! It was always _Tonks this_ and _Tonks that_ and _Have you heard from Tonks, Charlie_? He was oblivious, of course, but I'm sure she had you as a blushing Weasley bride in her mind's eye."

Tonks pulled a face. "Urgh, sorry, no way. Love him to bits – in fact he was probably my best mate, at least until he discovered that dragons were his life and went off to Romania and I never heard from him again. But marry him? No!"

"Ah, don't take it personally, none of the rest of us ever hear from him either," Bill assured her, leaning back in his chair and taking another sip of the amber liquid in his glass. "I haven't at all since the wedding. I think he sent Mum a two-line postcard for her birthday. He's just one of those people, great if you're with him in the moment, doesn't give you a second's thought if you're not. Probably why he's never had a proper girlfriend. Or boyfriend of course," he hastened to add. "We reckon it might end up being boyfriend."

"Probably just as well I didn't spend my teenage years lusting after him then…"

"Well, quite," Bill chuckled. "But I think Mum was still a bit disappointed when they saw you at King's Cross in final year with that guy of yours. What was his name? The Ravenclaw with all the muscles? Graeme?"

"Gareth? Oh no! don't remind me of him! Ew!" Tonks even managed to laugh as she covered her eyes at the memory. "I don't know _what_ I was thinking. He wasn't even good looking. And how he was sorted into Ravenclaw I will never know, he was just so bloody thick. He once asked me when it was my time of the month why I couldn't just morph my uterus away."

Fleur burst out laughing at this too.

"How delightful," said Bill, looking mildly revolted but grinning all the same.

"Sorry, was that too much information?" Tonks just shrugged at his discomfort. "I didn't have many female friends at school you know, so I just got used to making all the boys uncomfortable with girl talk. Became a bit of a sport to be honest."

Still laughing, Tonks looked out the window, and then caught sight of the moon, which had now risen above the tree outside, a giant silver circle in the sky. Her laughter died in her throat, her smile fading, all thought of happy memories forgotten. She could laugh all she liked about school memories and old boyfriends and past potential husbands, but her actual husband, her dearest most beloved life partner, the only person she had ever loved and knew that she would ever want in the world, was alone in a wreck of a house some three hundred miles away, completely unrecognisable from the kind and mellow man she knew so well, and there was nothing she could do to help him.

She looked down at her hot chocolate, swilling the contents in the bottom of the mug. She didn't think she could stomach the rest.

"Do you mind if I go to bed now?" she said in a small voice.

"Of course not." Bill's face was full of understanding. "I'll show you up."

He led her up the stairs and along the landing to a little bedroom, painted blue with simple furnishings and shell-patterned curtains.

"The pyjamas are Ron's, that he left accidentally, if you want to borrow them," Bill said, nodding at a pair of maroon pyjamas that were neatly folded on the edge of the bed. "They've been washed, of course!" he added. "I would never subject you to Ronald Weasley's unwashed clothing!"

She managed a tiny laugh. He squeezed her shoulder affectionately and left her to it.

Tonks crossed the room and pulled the curtains shut, unable to avoid looking at the perfectly round orb in the sky.

_Oh Remus please be ok_. _It's all my fault if you're not ok_.

A noise behind her made her look round. Fleur had brought in a couple of temperature regulating blankets.

"It gets cold in here sometimes," she murmured, putting them on the edge of the bed. Then she straightened up and Tonks tried to keep smiling.

"Dear Tonks," Fleur whispered, coming over and, to Tonks's great surprise, embracing her warmly. "He will be ok. He is very strong you know."

As the recent conversation with Bill had evidenced, Tonks had had almost no female friends at school. She had always been one of the guys, and that had not changed when she had left Hogwarts and joined the largely male dominated Auror office, even though the Ministry was always trying to recruit more women into the role. She had certainly never felt as though she was missing out on anything, particularly since joining the Order, where she felt a kindred spirit with Ginny and Hermione and motherly Molly, despite the age gap in both directions. Perhaps it was time she added a female friend of nearer her own age to the list, she thought, as Fleur gave her a strong hug.

"You must come and get us tonight if you need _anything_ ," she insisted, as they broke apart. "I'm so glad you came here tonight Tonks, that is what friends are here for you know."

Tonks gave a small, sad smile as she closed the door and, deciding against the pyjamas, pulled on the oversized T-shirt she had brought with her. Who would have thought just a couple of years ago, when she was laughing with Ginny and Hermione about Phlegmy Fleurgh, that the woman would prove to be such a warm and comforting presence now?

Sleep did not come easily to her and she tossed and turned well into the early hours of the morning, finally drifting off when the light of the moon was no longer visible through the crack in the curtains. But despite her fear and worry, there was a pleasant little glow somewhere deep in her chest, the warmth that could only come from friends, from true honest companionship, and the knowledge that she had someone to turn to, even when her husband and best friend, her rock and her wall, could not be there by her side as usual.

*******

Tonks awoke to light streaming in through the window. The sun was rising, therefore it must be around seven o'clock. Remus would be back to his normal self, and probably waking up or already awake, tending to his injuries.

Shivering, but not from cold, Tonks hastily got dressed and made her way downstairs.

"Thanks so much for having me," she said to Fleur, who was already at the kitchen table with a miniscule cup of coffee. "I appreciate it so much, and it helped. I'm going to head back home now."

"You'll have some breakfast, at least, won't you?" Bill said, appearing in the kitchen just behind her, pulling his hair into his habitual ponytail as he spoke.

But, after all the months of food cravings and being constantly hungry, the thought of food at the moment was making her stomach contract. She shook her head.

"Thanks, but I just want to get home."

Bill just shrugged and nodded, then gave her a swift hug. "No worries! Give Remus our love and let us know if you need anything," he said. "And we'll see you soon."

"Here," Fleur pressed a bottle on her. "It's medicine I use for bad headaches, made from French herbs. It's very good for pain."

Tonks took it with a word of thanks and a shaking hand. Just how much pain would it be able to treat, she wondered. And how much would it need to?

*******

Light was streaming in through the window. Remus struggled to open his eyes. Eventually, consciousness and memory dawned. And along with it, pain.

A lot of pain.

His limbs were aching, his arm particularly painful. He could feel the habitual cuts and scrapes all over his body. His neck was stiff, and one of his ankles felt swollen. He also seemed to be lying on something sharp, with the feel of jagged edges digging into his back.

After a few more minutes, it was not being able to bear this anymore that made him drag himself up to a seated position.

The room was a mess, as he had expected. Two of the chairs he had left out the night before were now in pieces. The mirror that had hung by the bed was in shards on the floor, a lot of them seemingly underneath him, which at least explained the stabbing pains in his back. Paint had been clawed off the walls in many places. The bed, made of solid oak, was mercifully intact, barring the odd scratch mark. Dragging himself up, pressing his lips together determinedly to stop himself from making any noise- even in his own solitary confinement he hated to show signs of weakness - Remus managed to stand up, before collapsing back down on the bed, the room spinning around him.

He had forgotten what this felt like. And it seemed even worse than he remembered. In spite of what he had told his wife, it had been a while since he had been in stuck close quarters for a transformation, and he wasn't sure he had ever been in a room this small. Fresh out of Hogwarts, in the little flat he'd shared with Sirius, he had, but back then he had had the company of a stag and a dog and a rat to keep him sane, and those transformations had barely been any more painful than taking the Wolfsbane was now.

He pushed that thought out of his mind as it made him feel even worse.

He would not be able to move yet. Summoning all his remaining energy and thinking of Dora's pink hair, he summoned a patronus, telling her that he was fine, that he would just be sorting some stuff in the house, and that he would be home later.

Then he collapsed back down on the bed, black fog clouding his vision.

*******

Tonks was worried. It had been a relief to receive Remus's silver wolf, just half an hour after getting home, assuring her that he was ok, but would just need to sort out some things in the house before he came home, but three hours later and he had still not reappeared. She resisted the urge to send another message in return. He may just be too weak to apparate at the moment, and he probably wouldn't want more attention drawn to that fact – this was Remus after all. But she was still worried.

*******

He would have to move soon. Dora would be worrying, and he couldn't let her worry more than was necessary. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to sit up, allowing himself a grunt of pain.

The room was still spinning. He managed to conjure up a glass of water and took several slow, steadying sips. The dizziness eased, and the water stayed down. That was something at least.

He turned his attention to his injuries. His head was pounding, but that was normal after a transformation. Several of the cuts were quickly fixed with a sealing charm. His side was severely bruised; he suspected he had spent a lot of last night throwing himself against the walls. He thought he must have several cuts in his back, as well, due to the broken mirror, but Dora would be better placed to fix those. He would let her repair his arm as well. Mending your own broken bones was generally not to be advised when you were in as weakened state as he was. He strapped a sling on it as best he could.

Finally, after twenty minutes of minor healing charms, Remus felt able to get to his feet, if a little unsteadily.

He surveyed the room. He supposed it could have been worse. There had been very little furniture there to destroy and the two chairs and wardrobe door were easily fixed. The walls had a lot of claw marks in them, but that was easily fixed up as well. Overall, the bedroom had been a good choice, however much he may be suffering from it today. Slowly and painstakingly, the room was resurrected to its former shabby but neat state.

That just left the mirror. Remus waved his wand in a sweeping motion and the fragments all flew back together. About to fix it back on the wall with another charm, Remus paused. There appeared to be a hole in the wall where the mirror usually hung, a bit of exposed brickwork where the cement had crumbled away. Yet another claw mark, he supposed.

He could just leave it. The mirror would cover it up and no one would ever know. But Remus was a perfectionist. His dear wife was the one who left mess and imperfections, _out of sight out of mind_. It was something that they still resolutely disagreed on.

He limped over to the wall to check out the damage. Hopefully it would be a very quick fix as he could feel what little energy he had left draining from him. Then, as he got closer, he stared. It did not look like this was a result of the wolf after all. The hole in the wall was too well formed, perfectly round, as if it had once held a pipe that had been subsequently removed.

Looking even closer, Remus could see that there was actually something inside it, what looked like a crumpled up piece of paper. Curiosity overwhelming pain and tiredness now, he pulled at its corner. Something fell to the floor with a light thud. Remus looked down at it, then back at the crumpled parchment, his mouth falling open.

*******

"Remus! Are you ok?"

"Fine! Fine!"

He didn't look ok at all, he looked terrible. Pale and shaking, with his arm in a makeshift sling and limping a little. She rushed forwards and escorted him as gently as she could into the house, afraid to hug him or even touch him too roughly, in case it did further damage.

An hour later, with the arm fixed, the rest of the cuts and bruises patched up, Fleur's magic French medicine taking effect and a decent amount of warm food inside him, Remus was feeling a good deal better, and some of the colour had returned to his cheeks.

Tonks, however, was still looking horrified.

"Remus… I am so, so sorry!"

"Haven't we been through this enough times already – you have nothing to apologise for."

"How can you even say that? It's completely my fault that you couldn't take your potion this month, and look at you!"

He gave a deep sigh.

"Ok, number one it is not completely your fault… I didn't check that window before we went to bed either, did I?"

"Yes, but I was the one who opened-"

"Secondly, everything was absolutely fine. The transformation was as expected, and I'm ok, and now I'm back here with you and I feel completely better."

She made a disbelieving sound in the back of her throat.

"I do!" he insisted.

She just glared at him. "Why can't you just tell me what it was really like, instead of pretending it was nothing?"

"Well, probably for the same reason that you keep avoiding the topic of how your evening was…"

There was a silence as they held each other's gaze. How many times had they had this kind of silent battle of wills in the few short years they had known each other? Tonks was the one who relented first this time.

"Ok, fine, I was scared of being alone if you must know. So I went to Bill and Fleur's house so I could have some company. Happy?"

"Not that you went out on your own in the dark, no! Not happy at all!"

"Well… Too late, I did and I'm fine and I've admitted it to you, so now you have to tell me the truth about what you were going through."

He looked away. He had never admitted to anyone what those nights felt like, not even to James or Sirius, or Lily.

"Please," she said, very softly, touching his mended arm. "Please let me in Remus. Let me share in this."

Perhaps it would help to tell her. And he needed to tell her something else, anyway.

"Ok, it was bad," he confessed hollowly. "I don't remember it being that bad before. Maybe because I'm getting older, or because I had to use a smaller room than normal, I don't know. I had to use my parents' old room, as the cellar was too damaged to use. And it was painful. The actual transformation isn't even the worst part, it feels like fire but it's over pretty quickly. And I can never really remember much after that but this time the room was definitely too small a space for a fully grown werewolf. I think I spent most of the night throwing myself against the walls, and I smashed a mirror and woke up lying on it, which is where the cuts on my back came from, but-"

She was staring at the floor, looking completely sick. He reached out and tilted her head back up to look at her.

"I'm going somewhere with this Dora, I'm not just saying it for pity, or to make you feel bad. You have to listen to me!"

He pulled the crumpled note out of his pocket, and handed it to her. Wordlessly, Tonks took it. The message was very short, scribbled, barely even legible. But she could just about make out what it said.

_Dearest Remus,_

_I don't know if you will ever see this and if you do I am truly sorry if it brings you further grief. But I had to write something, to tell you that we love you and we are so proud of you. Never forget that._

_We will always be with you._

_Mum_

Tonks read the few words, her eyes sparkling with sudden tears. "Oh Remus…"

"She must have written it minutes if not seconds before she died. I found it in the room I know she was killed in," Remus said. "It was behind the mirror I smashed off the wall, in a tiny hole in the brickwork that I never even knew was there. And if I hadn't gone there last night I might never have found it at all. In all my years of going to that house, I never looked for anything hidden – I had no reason to. I never went in that room if I could help it and I had all my parents' possessions accounted for. As I told you before, I thought my Mum was buried with the one thing I couldn't find. But," he reached into his pocket again. "I was wrong."

Tonks's mouth fell open as he drew something out and held it up to the light. A little droplet of amber hung on a metal chain, a tiny dragonfly glinting in its centre.

"It was with the note," Remus said. "She knew how much I loved it as a child and she must have hoped that, if she left it hidden, it wouldn't get taken and that I would find it. And if I hadn't gone back there I may never have done, might never have set foot in that house again. So Dora," he forced her to look round at him again. "If for no other reason than that, don't be sorry that I couldn't take my potion this month. You have no idea what it meant to find this today."

She still looked uncertain, but she did manage a wobbly smile.

"Here," Remus held it out to her. "I want you to have it."

Her eyes widened but she shook her head.

"Remus, I can't!" she protested.

"Don't you want it?" He retracted his hand a little, looking a little disappointed, but understanding all the same. "I know it's a weird thought, being there all those years, and her leaving it just before she died-"

"No, no… it's not that. It's just… It's yours."

He grinned.

"I don't think it would look quite so good on me, my love, to be honest."

"You know what I mean. It's…it's special."

"But _you're_ special."

She said nothing. He raised his arms, ignoring the dull ache in the one that had been broken, and placed the chain round her collarbone, fastening the clasp at the nape of her neck. She looked down at it and touched the little jewel, her forehead still furrowed anxiously.

Remus gently released a curl of chestnut hair that was caught in the chain.

"Dora, I've never been able to give you much. Please let me give you this. It isn't exactly worth anything, of course, but it once belonged to the most important woman in my life. Let that be the case again."


	14. Chapter 14

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**Forget-Me-Not**

* * *

**12th March 1998**

It was a cold, wet day in the middle of March when the raven came. The silver patronus of Andromeda Tonks, which requested that they do something she had never asked of them before.

" _Please come now_."

They got there as fast as was safely possible. Andromeda met them at the door of her home, her face very pale. Without a word, she beckoned and led them into the sitting room, where, on the old green sofa, lay a man, dark skinned with matted black hair, his clothes dirty and ragged. Remus thought he looked vaguely familiar, and Tonks's eyes widened immediately.

"Dirk!"

Dirk Cresswell, Remus realised. Tonks would have known him from the Ministry. He himself had not seen him since Hogwarts and even then had barely known him. But his sister Olivia had been in Gryffindor with them and was very similar in features and colouring, which must be why he looked so familiar.

The man's breathing was laboured, and his eyes were flickering. His shirt was torn and from what they could see of his left arm, his skin was turning a deep, mottled blue.

"Mum, what's wrong with him?" Tonks gasped, kneeling next to the sofa. "Can't you help him?"

"I've done everything I can." Andromeda looked stricken. "But he's been cursed, badly. Internal bleeding curse. And it's taken hold quickly. There are powerful potions that may have cured it, but I have no hope of getting one right now. All I can do is ease the pain. I'm so sorry."

Tonks swallowed the sick lump that had risen in her throat and looked back down at her former colleague.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. The man's dark eyes opened a little wider.

"I had to come," he murmured. "For Ted."

"Ted? You mean Dad?"

Andromeda's face twisted with grief. It was confirmation of what she had secretly known the second this man had collapsed on her doorstep. And even before then, she had felt it, somehow. Felt all day that something was not quite right.

Tonks took a shaky intake of breath, utter despair striking her heart.

"He's dead?"

The man's eyes closed.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry to have to bring the news to you like this. And it's not a pleasant story. But… it's what he wanted. He wanted you to know what happened. He said that knowing the real story, however painful, was always better than sugar coated half-truths or having to live your life speculating and imagining."

Wordlessly, Tonks moved across the room to stagger into her mother's arms, and Andromeda buried her face in her daughter's hair. Remus wanted so much to comfort them as well, but the man before him had minutes to live. And he had already used some of that time to track them down and bring them this important information.

He knelt in Dora's place on the floor beside the sofa.

"Please, tell me everything you can."

Dirk, with apparent difficulty, focused his dark eyes on Remus and began to speak.

"We've… we've been in hiding, these last few months. There were five of us. Myself and Ted. Two goblins. And a young'un, Dean. Dean Thomas. Barely of age."

"Yes, I know Dean," Remus said gently. "He's a nice lad."

Dirk nodded.

"The five of us joined up back at the end of November and we've stuck together ever since. We had been doing ok, keeping on the move, combining our protective enchantments to make them as strong as possible, taking turns at keeping watch. And having company has kept all our spirits up. We were doing fine. But this morning we were unlucky. We were forced to move locations at short notice and ended up being caught out in some woods where snatchers were waiting."

Dirk struggled for breath, taking several painful sounding gasps before continuing.

"We didn't have any time to put up defences or anything. They just seemed to appear from nowhere. Our group scattered in all directions. I think Dean and Griphook might have got away, maybe even managed to disapparate. I hope so. But Ted and I weren't so lucky. Got stunned as we tried to dive into a patch of trees, then another snatcher cast a different curse. Fired several of them all around, and they came through the trees to us. Nothing we could have done to block them. One hit Ted square in the chest, but I just got it on the arm."

Remus looked down at his arm. It was slowly turning purple now, the colour spreading to his hand. He continued, rasping on, trying to get all the words out before it was too late.

"Gornuk – he was a great friend of mine, as much as any goblin could ever be to a man - he sacrificed his own life to take down the one who had immobilised us, so the stunning spell broke and we were able to move. But the other curse was irreversible. And they must have known it. We heard a third man yelling at the other to be more careful, that they needed to keep people alive, otherwise they wouldn't be worth anything. But they must have known we were past saving, so they just left us and went to search for the others."

"And why did you come here?" Remus whispered. "How did you know where to come?"

He saw terrible pain in the black eyes, whether physical or emotional or both he couldn't tell. "Ted couldn't move – he could barely speak. He was in a far worse way than me. But even I had no hope of helping him or getting him anywhere else. I wanted to stay with him, but he said to leave, to disapparate while I still could, to see my wife one last time."

He took another laboured breath.

"I would have done, but I had no hope of finding her in the time I had left. The Ministry were monitoring her just before I went on the run. I knew that she would have moved somewhere else, somewhere safer, maybe even several times to shake them off. It would have taken me weeks, even in a healthy state, to track her down. So Ted asked if I would come here, to you, instead. He said he knew you wouldn't have left this house, Andromeda. And he wanted me to tell you that he really has been OK, these last few months. To tell you that he has thought of you every day. And to bring you..." He was really struggling now. "To bring you." He gestured feebly to a small pocket in his shirt, his arm too weak to lift. Delicately, Remus felt inside it.

A golden band fell out onto his palm. A wedding ring. Andromeda's face crumpled completely at the sight of it.

"He gave it to me just before he passed. And I knew that I had to at least try and come here and get it to you. And that maybe… maybe if I found you… maybe you would do the same for my own wife and children."

Unable to speak, Remus nodded.

"I'm sorry the details are so horrible," Dirk croaked. "I'm so sorry I couldn't do more for him. Or bring you his body. It was all I could do to get myself here. But…he has been a great friend… these last few months. And he wanted you to know the truth. So I did what… I did… what I could."

Andromeda was sobbing quietly into her hands. Tonks was very pale, but her face was devoid of tears as she came back over and took the man's hand.

"Thank you for coming here at all," she whispered. "Thank you, Dirk, truly. Dad was right. It is always better to know the truth. And we will do for your family what you have done for us."

"My daughters," Dirk said. It seemed he could barely manage more than a few words at a time now. "Nia and Libby. They're at Hogwarts still. They should know…know... where my wife is, too. Please… if you are ever able to…Please tell them I thought of them… until the end. Just as Ted did for you."

The hand went slack in her grasp. The laboured breathing had stopped. A sickly, heavy silence descended over the little living room, broken only by Andromeda's gasping sobs.

* * *

**14th March 1998**

"Were you friends with Dirk at school?"

Remus looked sharply over at her. He was extremely worried about her. She had said very little over the last two days, but her practical and energetic demeanour was more than a little concerning. She had helped Remus and Kingsley sort out Dirk's body and make steps to track down his family, despite their insistence that she should leave it to them. She had checked in on Andromeda, cooking for her, doing the chores and generally helping her however she needed. Yesterday evening, she had handed Remus a steaming mug of potion, mercifully made back to its usual standard and with new, regrown Moonwort. It was so cruel that only one night after the loss of her father, she had had to spend the night alone, but from what he could tell she had barely slept anyway. She had still been bustling around just before moonrise, and he had heard the creak of the stairs at five thirty, just as he was groggily waking up from his haze. Ill though he felt today, he suspected Dora must feel a lot worse, but it was so hard to get through to her. Shouldn't she be grieving, sobbing, curled up in a ball in bed, or at the very least succumbing to silent tears at regular intervals, like they had seen Andromeda do? Surely such determined suppression of grief could not be a good thing?

_Well, you are hardly one to lecture her about suppression of grief, are you?_ said the little voice in his head. He acknowledged it, somewhat uncomfortably, and consented to answer her question.

"I barely knew him, to be honest. He was in the year below us, and in Ravenclaw. His sister was in Gryffindor in our year though. We were quite friendly with her."

There was a silence.

"Why?" he added.

She shrugged.

"Just wondering. He was always nice to me if I ever met with him at the Ministry, although I could never quite place his accent. Where was he from?"

Something was definitely wrong here, but as he wasn't sure how to navigate these waters just yet, he continued to answer her.

"Well, his parents were Scottish, although his Mum was originally from America, I think. But they definitely lived in Scotland, because they used to board the Hogwarts Express at that little station in the borders for Scottish students, rather than at King's Cross. Sirius had a bit of a thing for Olivia, so he always started clearing up his mess as we were going through Carlisle, in case she ever passed by our compartment."

"And what was she like?"

"Kind. Fun. Pretty. Sirius ended up dating her in our final year."

"Really? I thought Sirius didn't care much for commitment?

"Dora-"

"You always said he was a womanizer at school."

She was glaring at him stubbornly. He sighed, but relented again.

"He never admitted it to any of us back then, but we were pretty sure that in our final year he would pretend to be off with some random girl when he was actually with Olivia all the time. Then a couple of years ago Sirius did tell me what really happened. They were together, secretly, for ages, but he ended it once they left school. Decided it was too dangerous to be with her, given that the war was getting worse, and his whole family despised Muggle-borns. But in the end Olivia and her parents died anyway, not long after we'd left Hogwarts. Dirk was back at school for the new term by then, but the rest of his family were killed in an attack on their home. And Sirius was distraught, although he didn't admit it until many, many years later."

Silence fell between them again. She was very pale.

"Dora," he said softly, taking advantage of the temporary pause. "Why are we talking about Dirk Cresswell, a colleague you barely knew? His sister, a girl you never met? Sirius's love life, which, for all it may be an interesting story for another day, I know you _really_ don't care about right now?"

She did not reply.

"Is this a way of avoiding what you really want to talk about?"

"I don't know what you mean." She made to walk away, but he pulled her back to him, towards where he was sitting on the bed.

"Dora, please talk to me."

"I _am_ talking to you."

"You know what I mean. You've haven't even mentioned your dad since he went on the run, and now you're acting as if nothing has happened. It's not healthy-"

"You're hardly in a position to lecture me about bottling things up!"

"Yes, I accept that. But _you_ do lecture me about bottling things up, and always tell me how it does no good at all."

He squeezed her hand.

"Wouldn't it help you? Just a little bit, to talk about your dad?"

She looked so young suddenly, her face falling, her eyes downcast, her hair in soft brown waves past her shoulders.

"Maybe," she said in a very small voice. "I just...don't know where to start."

"Ok… well..." Remus pulled gently at her hand so that she sank down next to him. "We don't have to talk about anything recent. Tell me something about him from when you were growing up. An early memory or something."

Tonks thought for several long moments, then took a deep breath, and began haltingly.

"Ok…When I was seven, I managed to smash my mum's best dinner set. And I mean all of it. It was one of her most prized possessions, each item had a different flower pattern on it and she loved them. I had once broken a plate from the set and she insisted it was never the same again, even though she repaired it and it looked fine, and I was strictly forbidden to ever touch the rest or even go near the room they were kept in. And then one day I was playing ball in the house and it bounced into the little drawing room, and while I was trying to stop it I must have done some accidental magic and the whole cabinet got knocked over. Everything inside it smashed, the plates, the teacups, the crystal glasses, you name it."

Nearly twenty years later, Tonks eyes widened in panic at the memory.

"I was absolutely bricking it, for what Mum would say when she saw. And then Dad came in, and he just saw me standing in the middle of all this mess, and I must have looked so terrified. And I thought he was going to call for Mum, but instead he just sighed and waved his wand and it all flew back together and looked exactly the same as before. Then he took me out for ice-cream in Diagon Alley and gave me this talk about how this wasn't a reward for bad behaviour, but sometimes people just needed a treat. I think that was his take on discipline." Tonks gave a sad little laugh.

"Did your mum ever find out?"

Tonks managed a grin.

"Nope, to this day she has no idea. When we had special occasions, she would take out the rose plate – the one I broke originally - and look at it a little sadly and say how it was a shame that it wasn't quite the same as it had been new. And Dad would just sit there, sipping tea out of one of the cups that had once been a pile of broken china on the floor, and wink at me when Mum wasn't looking."

Remus chuckled, still holding her hand.

"That does sound like your dad. Did nothing ever make him angry?"

"I only remember him being angry once," she said, after a moment's thought. "When I was younger than that, about five I think, I found a nest of baby birds that had fallen out of the tree, and I brought it inside and put the little chicks in my dolls house. And Dad came into my room soon after and found me. That's the only time I've ever seen Dad angry. He marched me back outside, and put the nest straight back up in the tree, and then he told me that if I ever found baby animals outside again I was to get him or Mum immediately, so they could help them. That all living creatures deserved respect and they weren't toys. I guess he got that from his parents, growing up on a farm."

Tonks was talking more fluidly now.

"Dad was the first person I ever told that I wanted to be an Auror. I didn't dare admit it to anyone else, because I was so clumsy, and I was known as a klutz by nearly everyone, and I was worried about what people would say if I told them, even though I'd never wanted to be anything else. But when I was at the end of second year trying to pick my new subjects, Dad was helping me and he asked if I'd ever thought about careers. And I blurted out that that was what I wanted to be. And he just smiled and said I'd be a fantastic Auror, but that he really hoped I kept both my eyes and all my limbs in the process. I didn't really get what he meant until I met Mad-Eye a few years later."

Tonks paused again, taking a moment to reflect on her old friend and mentor.

"Before I started at school, I was so worried about what house I'd be in. I thought Mum would be so disappointed if I wasn't in Slytherin like she'd been. She was still proud to be one, you see, despite the reputation. She'd always lecture me on how not all Slytherins were bad. And I knew I really, really didn't want to be in Slytherin, but I thought I'd never be able to talk to Mum about it… we didn't get on amazingly well, especially when I hit the teenage years."

Remus merely raised an eyebrow at this.

"So the night before I first went off to school, Dad gave me four pairs of socks as a present. Red, yellow, blue and green. He said it was so that, whatever house I ended up in, I'd have the colours to match. And Mum made some comment about how I was incapable of wearing matching socks so it wouldn't matter anyway."

"She probably had a point there…"

Tonks looked down at her own feet and they both grinned a little. She was wearing one long fluffy blue sock and a shorter, pink and yellow sock patterned with ice cream cones.

"Well… maybe. Anyway, I pulled on one green and one yellow and said I might as well start how I meant to go on. Mum just looked at the green one and said that that was one colour she didn't think I would ever need, but that it would mean a lot to her if I wore it anyway."

"And then I realised that she hadn't been going on about Slytherin all that time because she wanted me to get sorted there. It was because she knew I _wouldn't_ be, and she was worried about what I would think when I met pureblood maniac Slytherins at school, knowing that she'd been in that house. And so I always kept the yellow and green one as a pair, after that. And I was so relieved when I got put in Hufflepuff, like Dad was, but I always tried not to hate the Slytherins like everyone else did. Some people make that very hard, of course…"

Something about her hardened exterior was slipping now. Her voice was wobbly as she continued.

"Every year, for the train, Mum would make me a parcel of healthy, boring snacks, and somehow my dad would always manage to slip a secret bag of sweets into it. And he would… always put a little flower inside it too. It was always… always…a-"

She barely got out the final three words. "Forget-me-not," she whispered.

The dam broke. Her body shook as she burst into tears, and he pulled her closer, his heart breaking a little at the sound of each sob, but knowing that this had to happen, knowing that this was a build-up of five months' worth of suppressed worry and grief, and only by letting everything out would anything start to feel remotely alright again.

He let her cry and cry until there were no more tears. Eventually, she pushed herself up, her eyes swollen and her face blotchy, and gave him a very watery smile. It wasn't alright, not yet. He of all people knew that it might not be alright for a long time. But he also knew that it had helped.

* * *

**Sunday 15** **th** **March 1998**

"But Dora we agreed. Your due date is in three days, and we agreed that when it got this close you wouldn't do _Potterwatch_ live anymore. That was always the agreement."

"But it's the R broadcast. I was supposed to do this one. I was going to be Rainbow. It's not my fault it had to be postponed the last few weeks because we couldn't find a safe location."

"Of course it's not your fault, but that doesn't change our agreement."

"But, Remus. _Dad_ -"

"Is the only reason that _I'm_ leaving you today at all," Remus said firmly. "I will be there to honour him for both of us, and I'm coming back to you as soon as I can. Then I won't be doing the broadcasts anymore, either."

They looked at each other stubbornly for a few seconds – the usual battle of wills – but she accepted defeat reasonably quickly.

She was asleep when he left, completely exhausted from the emotion of the last few days. He placed a blanket over her and kissed her gently on the forehead before leaving.

"How is she?" Fred asked, once they had finished the broadcast. Everything felt a little more subdued than usual, without her.

"Not great, of course," Remus said sadly. "But better than she was a couple of days ago."

"We've tracked down Iris, Dirk's wife," Kingsley said. "She was devastated, naturally, but grateful that we found her. And we've managed to calm Dean's mother down a little too, and assure her that no news is probably good news at this point."

Remus nodded in agreement. The fact that they had no word on any sightings of Dean or Griphook, from any of their sources, meant that it was getting ever more likely that they had both escaped and were back in hiding. He sincerely hoped so, anyway.

"I'd better get home," he said, looking at his watch. "I promised I'd be back straight after the broadcast."

"Of course! It won't be long now, will it? When is it due?"

"Three days," Remus answered, and they all smiled back at him.

In spite of everything, his heart did feel a little bit lighter as he appeared back on their doorstep. Tiny little blue dots were appearing all over the place. Forget-me-nots. And they weren't the only flowers. Primroses and orchids bloomed up in all directions, and tiny blossom buds were starting to appear on the trees. Spring was coming, the days were getting clearer and lighter, and, most importantly of all, he was about to become a _father_.

"I'm home!" he called, as he pushed open the door.

There was a gasp from the kitchen, followed by the sound of breaking china. Tonks was more twitchy than normal at the moment, and he had clearly startled her.

"Sorry!" he called again, going through the living room and into the kitchen. "It's only me thought. Who were you expecting?"

"God, I'm sorry, I was just in a daze, and you startled me. Err.." Tonks looked around for her wand to repair the mug that now lay in pieces on the floor. As she swung it through the air - neither of them were _quite_ sure how it happened - the plates and bowls stacked neatly on the draining board were pushed onto the floor as well.

Tonks stood, shell-shocked, as half the crockery they owned crashed around her in a cacophony of breaking china. They both just looked at each other as the noise eventually came to an end.

Remus was the first of the two of them to burst out laughing.

"Fancy some ice cream?"

Somewhere, they both knew, Ted's blue eyes shone brighter than ever as he laughed along with them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reviews and kudos!

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**Ginger**

* * *

**30** **th** **March 1998**

The baby was late. Quite a lot late. Tonks supposed that this wasn't the most surprising thing, given her own time keeping skills, or indeed lack thereof, but honestly, could the baby not have inherited its father's sense of punctuality?

As much as she was trying to stay positive, being pregnant just wasn't fun anymore.

She wanted to be able to walk around without getting out of breath. She wanted to fit back into her normal clothes. She wanted, so much, to become a mother, to meet the little bundle of life that was now so active and alive inside her.

And most of all, she just wanted to stop feeling so damn uncomfortable.

Sitting wasn't comfortable, lying down was even worse, getting up was just plain painful. Walking helped a fraction, until she got so out of breath that she had to sit down again.

Bill paid them a visit right at the end of March, looking unusually fraught.

"I've come to update you on some news." His expression changed to concern at the sight of Tonks, who was pacing the living room, looking pained. "How are you doing? When's your due date again?"

"March 18th," she said pointedly. He grimaced in sympathy.

"It's got to be soon, surely?"

"Well, I bloody well hope so. What's your news? I could do with a distraction."

"OK well... not sure where to start really. We've got quite a few people staying with us at the moment. Er…Luna Lovegood, Dean Thomas, Griphook the goblin, Mr Ollivander the wandmaker, and," he took a deep breath. "Harry, Ron and Hermione."

Remus dropped the forks he had been about to put away with a clatter.

"They've been with us a couple of weeks," Bill went on. "I'm sorry I didn't come and tell you before, but it's just been such a busy time. It was completely unexpected, and there were a lot of things to get straight, and then we had to move the rest of the family to Muriel's." Bill explained the details that had brought their young friends to them as concisely as he could.

"But they're ok?"

He nodded slowly.

"Just about. I'm pretty worried about them. They are planning something else, with the goblin's involvement, and I'm not liking it one bit. But it's not my decision and I know that Dumbledore wanted us to trust Harry's judgement."

Remus nodded, as he thought back to his last ever conversation with Albus Dumbledore, the very night he had died, as he and Kingsley had sat in his office being briefed on the evening's watch duty. Dumbledore had been remarkably open, not to mention casual, about the fact that he may well not survive to see the morning sunrise. But he had been dead serious about one thing. Going forward, they were to trust Harry, no matter how much it looked like they shouldn't.

"…don't know how long they'll be with us," Bill had continued. "I'm just letting the dust settle a bit before asking any questions at all. But I thought you'd want to know they were ok."

"Absolutely!" Remus said at once. "And we won't disturb you, it sounds like you've got a really full house. But we really appreciate you coming to tell us."

"Well, I won't deny it's a bit busy at the moment. _However_ ," he was looking sternly at Tonks in particular. "If you need anything or if there is an emergency, you are not to hesitate to call on us. Understood?"

She nodded obediently.

Once Bill had gone, Tonks eased herself into the sofa, even the welcome news of Harry, Ron and Hermione eclipsed by her discomfort.

"Surely I could just give birth _now_ if I really wanted to?" she said to Remus beseechingly. "If I contracted my stomach then it would just come out, wouldn't it?"

"I don't think it quite works like that, Dora."

"Oh, OK then Mr Practical!" she crossed her arms over her chest with a loud _hmppf_. "When were you awarded _your_ healing qualification?"

He just leaned over and kissed her cheerfully on the forehead. He had quickly learned that to be the best approach in the face of her recent volatility.

"I assume that means that I should just let you talk nonsense, keep quiet and leave the pregnancy advice to Hestia?"

"Yes, that would be much appreciated."

"Noted."

*******

Hestia Jones had been a healer for many years. One of her first ever patients had been Remus himself, as a very young boy, when his panicked parents had summoned a healer directly to their home to help treat the werewolf bite, although neither Hestia nor Remus liked to talk about this. She had worked at St Mungo's from graduating school all the way through to the end of the first war, before leaving the hospital for a more peaceful career in reviewing and publishing magi-medical journals. Her knowledge of healing, not to mention her organised, unflappable approach, had been invaluable to the Order in the first war and so too was proving now. She had bade that they send her a message if they needed any help with the pregnancy and, when the baby had still not arrived a week after her due date, Tonks had done so to see if everything was ok. Hestia was now dropping in every couple of days for a quick check up on proceedings.

"How are you today?" she asked, on the morning of the first day of April.

Tonks pulled a face.

"So uncomfortable I would cry, if it weren't for the fact that would probably make me even more uncomfortable, as my face is about the only part of me that doesn't hurt already. Surely it's not normal to be this late?"

"Metamorphmagi are often documented giving birth days and even weeks after their due date," Hestia reassured her. "Your body finds it easier to adapt, accommodates more for the baby, so labour often happens later."

"Accommodate? I've never felt less accommodating in my life."

"If it helps at all, it might prove a blessing when the time actually comes. No guarantee, but metamorphmagi tend to have quicker, easier births."

"I won't hold my breath," Tonks muttered. "Might the baby be a metamorphmagus too?" she added suddenly. She had wondered this quite often over the past few weeks, but never thought to ask out loud.

"It would be unusual," Hestia said, after a moment's thought. "But it's not unheard of. Genetic metamorphmagi are more common than incidental, which is what you are. I have met very few of course, rare as they are, but I treated one, many years ago. She had three children, all metamorphmagi as well. Was a tad confusing for the husband."

She winked at Remus.

"That would be cool!" Tonks grinned. "A whole family of rainbow children. Not that we care either way, of course. I just want this little one to be born." She put a hand on her stomach, an expression of longing on her face. "Is there literally nothing I can do to speed it along?"

Hestia gave her a sympathetic look. "Not really, I'm afraid, my love. Labour inducing potions are considered high risk at the best of times, and even if they weren't, I'd be hard pushed getting the ingredients to make one for you at the moment. There are some muggle remedies that are documented by some mid-healers, but there is zero proof that they are actually effective."

"What are they? I'll try anything at this point." Tonks looked eager.

"Well, off the top of my head…getting a massage, eating spices… I think doing some light exercise is one...Oh, and sex, of course," she added matter-of-factly, looking between the two of them with an arched eyebrow.

Tonks merely stared back at her, unimpressed, her eagerness now replaced with a look of deepest scepticism.

"I'm sorry… _What_? So you're saying that if I go and do a quick spot of quidditch, eat a large curry and then let a man feel me up and have his fun, then junior here will suddenly pop right out? Surely muggle women aren't so gullible as to fall for that? I've never heard such a load of dragon dung in all my life."

Remus laughed, but hastily turned it into a cough at the look on his wife's face.

"Well, as I said, there is very little evidence in our world to support it," Hestia acknowledged. "But I don't have much else to suggest I'm afraid. I can try and bring something next time to make you feel more comfortable, but the actual giving birth part will just be a matter of waiting."

"Ok," Tonks sighed. "Thanks Hestia. Enough about pregnancy. Just tell us how you've been."

"Well, Dedalus and I went to see Harry's relatives yesterday." Hestia took the cup of strong coffee Remus had offered her with a word of thanks. "There haven't been any issues with the safety enchantments thus far, but best to be sure – we're popping back every couple of weeks to double check them."

"How are they doing?"

"His uncle is a total arse wipe," Hestia said, blunt as always. "And to be honest I have no time for Petunia either. I was nice at first, hoping I'd see even the smallest reminder of Lily in her, but it's not happening."

"Never was anything like her," Remus agreed, sinking into the sofa as well. Tonks leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes as she listened to the rest of the conversation.

"The young lad's actually all right though," Hestia continued. "Wasn't sure about him either at first, but I think he was just plain petrified of us. It seems that Hagrid – well, we're assuming Hagrid, from his description – gave him a pig's tail when he came to give Harry his Hogwarts letter all those years ago. And that was his first ever experience of the magical world."

"He probably deserved it, from what Harry once told me about him," Tonks muttered, her eyes still closed. But she was feeling a little better all the same. Hestia's visits never failed to cheer her up.

"As to that, I've no doubt. What chance does a poor kid have with parents like that? But to give him his due, he's come round a lot, actually chats to us and even asks us about Harry sometimes. Pretty much the only reason we keep going back into the house to speak to them to be honest."

"I take it Vernon and Petunia aren't exactly thrilled to see you?"

"Not in the least," Hestia smirked. "But then that makes it all the more entertaining. You know what Diggle's like. Bounces in, not a care in the world, pops the kettle on and announces that he'll be staying for dinner. And whatever snide remarks Vernon makes he just manages to take them all as a compliment."

Tonks laughed loudly, then groaned again as she tried to shift to a more comfortable position. Even laughing was painful now.

After Hestia had left, with promises to check in on them in a couple of days' time, and that they were to send word before then if they needed anything, Remus got to his feet.

"Ok, I know she said there was no proof it worked, but-"

Tonks shot him the most menacing of glares from her place on the sofa.

"You'd better be joking, Remus Lupin. There is an actual live human about to pop out of me at any moment, does it really look like I want to be doing _that_ right now?"

"Dora," Remus said patiently. "I was just going to say why don't we go out for a walk… now that the weather is clearing up? Hestia mentioned light exercise, and you said yourself that walking helps a bit."

She still looked unimpressed, but consented to let him bring her a cloak, and did even feel slightly better for having had a brisk - or at least as brisk as she could manage- walk out the back of the house, enjoying the feel of crisp spring air in her face for an hour or so.

Thirty six hours later, however, after _several_ brisk walks, a large plate of curry, an entire packet of pepper imps and a gentle shoulder massage, the baby was still resolutely inside her. Kicking merrily away, it had to be said. But staying put.

Tonks, now seriously fed up with the whole process, was lying down and staring moodily at the ceiling. Remus, wishing there was more he could do for her, clambered into bed and stroked her hair gently. Tonks allowed this for a minute or too, before pushing herself up and glaring down at him in the half light.

" _Well_?" she said furiously.

"Well… what?" he met her ferocious stare with trepidation.

"There was another thing Hestia said might help, _if_ you remember."

"But- But you said you didn't want to do that…"

"Yes, well I've obviously changed my mind now, haven't I?"

Remus hesitated a fraction, wondering if this was the best idea. It seemed like taking advantage somehow, when she was in such a volatile mood and so much discomfort. But a very recent conversation with Arthur was still fresh in his mind.

"That's rough," he had said, the day after their visit from Bill, during a very brief catch up to discuss extra safety measures for all of them in the changed circumstances, and in which he had enquired as to how Tonks was doing. "Ron was the only one of ours who was late, but it was a very difficult week for Molly. Wasn't the easiest week for me either, come to that."

"Any advice?"

"For Tonks, I'm afraid not. Hestia might be able to help. For you… I would just say give her whatever she wants until the baby comes."

Remus laughed but Arthur just raised his eyebrows. "I'm not joking," he said. "Trust me..."

*******

Tonks sat upright against the headboard, looking expectantly down at her stomach.

"Did it work?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted saying them. As much as they both seemed to have enjoyed the last half hour, joking about the lateness of her pregnancy was probably a step too far at this point. Sure enough, her eyes seemed to emit sparks.

"Well, I don't see a baby, do you?" she snapped. "So unless it's been busy sewing an invisibility cloak in there – god knows it's had enough time to - no I don't think it did work."

She flopped back down on the bed with her back to him.

"Dora I'm sorry," he said, putting a gentle arm round her. "I didn't mean to make light of it. It's so hard to see you in pain - I wish I could help you, really I do."

She let him hug her, but her bad temper remained overnight and well into the next day, not improved by another visit from Hestia, who assured her everything was still perfectly ok but that it could still be a few more days. Her mood was lifted a little when the herb concoction that Hestia left did make the situation slightly more bearable, before being sobered even further by tuning in to a particularly grim episode of _Potterwatch_. Even Fred (Samurai) and George (Sandshrew) could not seem to find anything cheerful to say to counteract the depressing list of murders, attacks and horrible incidents that had happened in the last few days alone.

That afternoon, however, after settling down next to him with the habitual wince of pain, Tonks took Remus's hand in hers and sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"What on earth for?" Remus turned to her in bemusement.

"For moaning so much about this. It's not like you've never had to go through painful stuff."

"I don't think it's very comparable, to be honest Dora. And I'm pretty sure you've been pregnant for more hours than I've ever spent as a werewolf."

"Yes, but I've only been pregnant once. You've had to be a werewolf hundreds of times."

While they were bickering lightly over the mathematics of this, there was a knock at the door.

"It'll probably be a Weasley," Remus said, getting to his feet to answer it.

At first, the two of them had been very nervous about anyone at all knowing their address. But Bill and Fleur knew it already, of course, and they had had to tell Andromeda, and then Kingsley had been involved shortly after. Then Hestia had started coming round to check on the pregnancy, and the list had expanded to include Dedalus, Molly and Arthur, and the twins. And despite the the jolt of fear that took them every time there was an unexpected knock at the door, they had to admit that this feeling was immediately counterbalanced by the sight of the smiling face of one of their friends. Today was no exception, as Remus returned, closely followed by Fred and George, both beaming, a large canvas bag swinging over George's arm.

"Well hello, hello!" he grinned. "Hestia said after our broadcast that you could do with a bit of cheering up and we thought we'd drop by."

Tonks couldn't help but smile. The Weasley twins' good spirits were infections no matter how heavily pregnant you were.

"Of course, we come bearing gifts!" Fred said, taking the bag from George. "Three gifts, in fact. Call us the two wise men if you will!"

Remus grinned too, as he brought the twins some drinks.

"First, a ton of gingerbread, from none other than Molly Weasley herself." Fred pulled a tin out of the bag and George continued, "Mum was beside herself when we said we were going out again, just two hours after coming back from the broadcast, but when we told her the reason…", George imitated his mother in high pitched tones. " _Oh, the poor dear, she must be so miserable. I remember what it was like with Ron_ …" he pulled a disgusted face. "We managed to get the gingerbread and scarper before she could give us the details."

"Secondly… birthday cake!" Fred said, pulling a large chunk out with a flourish. "Also made by Molly Weasley. Muriel made one too, but it was revolting. We thought we'd spare you that!"

"It was your birthdays on Tuesday! I'm so sorry, I completely forgot!" Tonks put her hands to her mouth.

"Absolutely unacceptable, what could you possibly have had on your mind that was more important?" Fred's eyes sparkled at her.

"And three…" he reached into the bag and pulled out a final, smaller package wrapped in preserving parchment.

"Everlasting cheese! We told you we would work on it for you!"

Tonks jaw dropped.

"Seriously? I thought that was a joke!"

"Joke? Us?" George was deadpan.

"Sorry, it's taken so long," Fred went on. "It seems the formula of cheese doesn't lend itself to being regrown over and over again in the same way as chocolate does."

"Proof that it shouldn't be regrown at all, if you ask me," George muttered.

"I always forget you hate cheese, you freak." Tonks was already feeling a lot better.

"Proof that I am the better twin," Fred said smugly. "Shall we try it then?"

After digging into the cheese (George stuck to gingerbread), which did indeed reform itself into a perfect circle with every slice, the topic turned to more serious matters.

"How is it _Potterwatch_ going anyway?" Remus asked. "We tuned in this morning, but it was grim listening."

George sighed. "Yes, it's very bleak at the moment. And it's not the same without you two, though of course we've always known you wouldn't be joining after March. But it's also just getting harder and harder to source secure locations for us to meet safely. I don't know how many more we'll be able to do like this. We think Lee might end up just giving out bulletins when he can, but without all the commentary. The news is so grim anyway now that it's hard to find anything cheerful to say."

"Lee's working on setting up a little base where he can broadcast from, but make a quick getaway if need be," Fred said. "We might join him if we can, but Mum is fretting every time we leave the house and I'm not sure how much more we can put her through. She's already panicking about Ron, worrying about Charlie - even though he's probably safer than any of us right now. And then there's Percy of course. Obviously now Dad has stopped going to work she has no news of him at all. So we might just stay in the house and not give her anything more to worry about."

Tonks was silent at this, thinking of her own child who would – or so she hoped – be making an appearance in this world any day now. She didn't think anyone would ever be able to understand such sentiment until they had a child themselves. And Molly had seven!

"How is your Dad?"

"He's ok!" Fred said. "Playing with his muggle toys to keep him occupied. Muriel's not impressed, but they seem to have come to an arrangement that she won't go on about it if he helps her sort out some of her affairs. Mind you, the old bat's going to live forever at this rate, I reckon. Dad says we're still in her will though, we are more shocked than anyone!"

"And Ginny?"

"Bouncing off the walls," Fred replied, rolling his eyes. "She was never one for staying inside, and Mum won't let her out of the house at all, other than in the back garden, which is definitely not big enough for quidditch practice. She's trying to get her to take up knitting but it's not going down very well."

"Not sure why she's so insistent to be honest," George put in. "Giving Ginny a pair of sharp implements when she's in a foul mood is _not_ my idea of sensible."

"She wanted to come with us today," Fred added. "They had a blazing row about it, but Mum won in the end."

Remus sighed. "It's so difficult, as she's underage, with the trace on her. We would love to see her though."

Tonks nodded in agreement.

"Well we did think…" Fred cast a cautious glance at them. "Only if you're happy with it, of course, but once the baby is actually born, maybe we could convince Mum to let us, or Dad maybe, bring her over to see it, just for a short amount of time. The baby will have the Trace anyway, or so we assume, and if none of us did any magic while she was here the risk would be minimal. And it would definitely cheer her up."

Tonks perked right up at this.

"It would cheer me up too! We'd _love_ to see her, especially as," she glanced at Remus and he gave a tiny nod and a smile. "Don't say anything, but we want to ask her if she'll be godmother."

"You sure about that? You'd probably be saying otherwise if you'd seen the towering temper she was in earlier," George laughed. "Joking, of course. She'll be over the moon. We'll work on Mum letting her out into the big wide world so that you can ask her in person."

"Can I then assume that Harry Potter is your choice for godfather?" Fred asked. Remus nodded.

"That's the plan – although," he raised his eyebrows, "Let's just hope that doesn't make things awkward between them!"

"Ah they'll be getting back together after all this is over," Fred waved an airy hand. "Ginny's been obsessed with The Boy Who Lived since before she even met him, and as for Harry… does he seriously think he'll ever get better than Ginny? I did _not_ say that!" he added hastily.

Fred and George's visit, along with the prospect of seeing Ginny in the not too distant future, not to mention a block of cheese that didn't run out, cheered Tonks up considerably, so much so that when they went upstairs that night and Remus got into bed next to her, looking slightly apprehensive, she turned to him with a smile, her eyes bright and suggestive, assuring him that this time, baby or no baby, she would not bite his head off the second they were done.

Remus drifted off to sleep not long after, exhausted after their busy afternoon and evening, but Tonks just could not get comfortable, however tired she was from the events of the day. In the end she got up and made her way downstairs.

She opened a window, enjoying the feel of fresh air on her face. The night was very calm. For one mad moment she considered going out for a little night-time stroll, then quickly decided against it. If Remus woke up and discovered her gone she may not live to be a mother at all!

Instead she paced the living room for about half an hour, humming to herself. Eventually, feeling tired and a little hungry, she sunk down on the sofa.

"Please come soon, little one," she whispered, stroking her stomach. "I do so want to meet you."

She reached over to the tin that was still on the coffee table and took a piece of Molly's gingerbread, chewing it slowly, savouring the taste, remembering that gingerbread men that her grandmother often used to make, and the time that her dad had found her in the kitchen picking all the chocolate drop eyes off them. She had looked up guiltily, caught in the act, but he had just chuckled and made a start on the little sugar buttons himself. Eventually, when all that remained were a row of blank gingerbread men with tiny red icing smiles, Ted had waved his wand to restore them to their former bright-eyed, smart-suited glory, and the two of them had hurriedly left the kitchen, giggling together,

"I'm so sorry you'll never meet him," she whispered to her stomach, her hand circling the bump and coming to rest lightly on top. "But he would have loved you, so very, very much."

***

Remus was in a deep sleep when some far-off noise dragged him out of it just before midnight. As he opened his eyes with difficulty, he became aware of his wife's absence.

"Dora?" Wide awake suddenly, he sat bolt upright and jumped out of bed. The house was silent.

Making his way downstairs, his heart pounding, he gave a sigh of relief as he spotted her, passed out on the sofa, her eyes closed, hand resting on her stomach, her head at an awkward angle.

He didn't want to wake her, but she had always been a light sleeper, even before her pregnancy, and the mere sound of his footstep on the bottom stair was enough to jerk her awake.

"It's only me," he whispered reassuringly, seeing her eyes fly open. "Do you want to come back upstairs? Surely the bed is more comfortable."

"Yes, I supposed I'd better." She sighed as she pushed herself up to sitting, and he came closer to help her up. She let him pull her to her feet and smiled up at him wearily. Then, eyes widening, she gave a small gasp.

"What's wrong?"

Her face was glowing as she looked up at him, her expression one of half panic, half unbelievable joy.

"I think… I think my waters just broke."

* * *

 **4** **th** **April 1998**

It had been a very long, painful eighteen hours. Being a metamorphmagi, in this case, did not seem to have helped Tonks at all, and Remus was sure that he had even spotted a look of concern on Hestia's face at one point, although her resolutely calm voice had said otherwise. But in the end, all was well. Tonks sat up in bed, completely exhausted but bright eyed and pink cheeked, holding a little bundle of white blankets in her arms. Remus just stared down at the tiny little baby, _his_ baby, his _son_ , unable to take his eyes of him.

"You did brilliantly, love," Hestia assured Tonks. "I'm just going to check over a few notes in the next room and I'll leave the two of you in private."

Andromeda went with her, and Remus and Tonks just stared down at the tiny baby, with his sleepy eyes and miniscule features and tuft of black hair.

"He's so beautiful," Tonks whispered. "Here…" she held him out, and Remus took him gently.

The world seemed to stand still as he gazed down at his son, his child, his own flesh and blood, a sharp prickle coming to the backs of his eyes. How could he possibly, even for a second, have thought that this wasn't exactly where he was supposed to be?

Andromeda came back in and looked at them wistfully.

"I suppose I'd better get on and leave you two in peace!"

"You can't go yet!" Tonks exclaimed. "You've barely spent any time with him. Anyway, you have to stay with me for a bit, because Remus needs to go out quickly."

"I do?" Remus was still holding his son and felt like nothing in the world could make him leave right now. Tonks looked at him meaningfully.

"You have to go to Shell Cottage and tell the Weasleys about this, Remus. I'm sure they could use a bit of good news right now. And Harry. Harry's probably still there. Harry _has_ to know in person. You need to ask him about being godfather."

Remus, reluctant as he was, knew she was right.

"OK," he said. He kissed his son's little head before handing him back to his mother. "I'll be back soon, little one."

"And Mum," Tonks said, offering her the bundle of blankets instead. "We've decided to name him… Ted."

While Andromeda took her grandson in her arms, her eyes misting over with pure emotion, Remus smiled and went to get his travelling cloak. Hestia was sitting at the little writing desk they kept on the landing, jotting some notes in the margin of a book. She looked up as he came out.

"Everything seems completely normal," she said, her tone brisk as ever. "But she may have ups and downs over the next few weeks. It is always a big adjustment even in normal circumstances, and that was a long pregnancy and a difficult birth in hard times. But I've left you a book, with some extra notes in, so you can know what to expect, and a few potions that may help in different situations. I've already explained to Andromeda as well. She should be in good hands between the two of you. But if you think _anything_ is not right you are to call on me at once, understood?"

"Of course."

"And, one more thing." Hestia beamed at him, shutting the book and getting to her feet, her brisk tone suddenly completely changed. "Congratulations!"

He could only smile back, words failing him as he passed a hand through his hair, his eyes wild with delight.

"I never thought this day would come. Me? A father!"

"You will be a wonderful father."

Unless his eyes were deceiving him, Hestia's own eyes looked over bright. He was startled to hear the tremble in her voice as she spoke.

"I've had many, many patients over the years Remus. And I can't remember a lot of them. But, never in all my years have I been able to forget the little four-year-old boy who sat so quietly on his bed while I treated him, and who took the bad news I had to give him so philosophically and calmly. Forgive me for saying this, but at the time, I have never felt more for anyone in my life. But… seeing you now, becoming a father, I don't think I have ever been _happier_ for anyone."

He was just as touched by the warm hug she gave him as her emotional tone of voice.

"Thanks, Hestia."

"Remus! Hestia!"

He jumped back and jerked his head towards the bedroom, his eyes widening in alarm, but his wife's voice sounded excited rather than panicked.

"Look!" she gasped, as they re-entered the room. She was pointing. Remus approached the bed and looked down. The little tuft of hair on his son's head, on _Teddy's_ head, was slowly turning from black to ginger.


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**Turquoise**

* * *

**4** **th** **April 1998**

Tonks, exhausted though she was, couldn't seem to shut her eyes even for a minute. She was captivated by looking at her son's tiny face, his fingers and toes, the mouth that moved almost unconsciously, the eyes that flickered open for the briefest of moments then shut again.

Andromeda was by her side, unable to look away either.

"He's so beautiful," she whispered. "Your Dad would be so proud of you!"

A couple of tears slid down Tonks's cheeks, whether from joy or sadness she really didn't know.

She brushed them away at the sound of Remus calling from downstairs, reassuring them that it was only him.

"What did they say?" Tonks asked, as he came into the bedroom.

"They were thrilled, of course!"

"And Harry?"

"Will be Teddy's godfather," Remus smiled. "We didn't get much of a chance to talk about anything else," he added, as his wife's eyes asked the silent question. "But maybe they will be able to come round and visit. I have no idea when they are planning on heading off again."

Tonks nodded.

"Can I hold Teddy again?"

She laughed a little. "I think that's allowed, as you are his father."

She handed Teddy to him, and Remus could only watch as his little eyes opened again, taking his breath away just as they had before.

"Well, you two, now I am going to head home," Andromeda said. "You are to call on me if you need anything, of course. And I'll be round again in a couple of days."

She hugged her daughter gently, kissed her grandson on the head, and then to Remus's great surprise, came and embraced him fiercely as well, before moving to get her coat and belongings.

Tonks grinned at him as they heard the door click shut downstairs.

"I think she may finally have forgiven you."

* * *

 **6** **th** **April 1998**

Tonks was passed out completely on the bed upstairs and had been for several hours. It had taken a couple of days for her to give in to more than half an hour's sleep at a time, but eventually, Remus had convinced her that she really should get a proper rest, and taken Teddy down to the living room, promising that he would wake her if anything at all was needed.

He remembered James being in a very similar situation with Harry, all those years ago, when he had been round at Godric's Hollow. Lily had lain fast asleep on the sofa, exhausted, having finally accepted that James might be able to cope with their three week old son for a few short hours. And Remus had just sat there holding the tiny black-haired baby and stared down at Harry's little face. And when James, seeing the conflicted look on his face, had asked what was wrong, Remus had tried to explain.

_"I just -" Remus struggled. "He's wonderful," he said at last. "I honestly could not be happier for you. But I can't help but feel sad sometimes. That I'll never know this for myself. I mean...even if, by some miracle, I ever find a partner willing to have me, I already know that I will never have children. How could I ever risk passing on my condition? What would people think? And they would be right. I could never do that. I could never make an innocent child an outcast..."_

_James just stared back at him as he trailed off, his expression one of absolute incredulity. Harry started stirring, and James hastily took him back to calm him. When convinced he was sound asleep again, he looked up, his expression unchanged._

_"Remus, you are one of the best people I know, but dear God...you can be so bloody stupid sometimes."_

_He did not let Remus protest and eyed him with affectionate exasperation. "Listen to me, one day you will have a kid. Just shut up and trust me on that!" he added, as Remus looked away slightly. "And when that day comes, you will realise that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you are, or what other people think of you. It doesn't matter who approves of the fact that you've had a child, even if you're the only person in the world who thinks it was the right thing to do."_

_Remus knew there had been mutterings among some of the older members of the Order that James and Lily, barely more than teenagers, were far too young to be having a baby, and some had even expressed the view that they had no business bringing a child into this war-filled climate, particularly when Voldemort had already tried to kill them personally three times. But Lily and James had not let this stop them from being thrilled at the arrival of their son._

" _All that matters," James went on, looking down at Harry with emotion in his eyes, "is that you have someone, some part of you…a part of you that you will love, always, wholly and unconditionally, someone that, no matter what other people think, is perfect to you in every way."_

Remus had just shrugged and nodded obediently, particularly as this speech had been followed by a dire warning about what James would do to Remus if he _didn't_ realise that, when the day in question finally came about.

He had said no more about it, and he had pushed the sadness out of his mind and enjoyed every second of being Harry's Uncle Moony for the short few months that he had been able to spend with the Potters before their inevitable retreat into hiding. And when he had reconnected with Harry just a few years ago it had eased some of the guilt and sadness that he had not been around for a lot of his youth. And when Harry had so furiously told him back in Grimmauld Place that James would be nothing short of livid if he knew that Remus was thinking about abandoning his own child, Remus had forced himself to acknowledge that this was very much the truth.

So he had thrown himself wholeheartedly into preparations to receive his child into the world, getting ready to become a father, protecting his wife, setting up the baby's room, excitedly planning for their new arrival.

But it was only now, as he held his sleeping son in his arms and felt in those few moments as if they were the only two people in the world, that he realised he had never quite understood the full extent of James's words. _Always. Wholly. Unconditionally. Perfect to you in every way._

Remus ran a gentle finger over Teddy's tiny hand. The fingers moved ever so slightly. His eyes flickered, but he didn't wake. His hair colour shifted slightly from dark brown to jet black.

Remus couldn't stop looking at him.

Now, at long last, he understood.

* * *

 **7** **th** **April 1998**

The Monday was a difficult day. Things just didn't feel right. Teddy kept crying and wouldn't feed. Everything was sore and she felt sick.

And she couldn't stop crying herself. _Damn tears_. She had never been a crier. A shouter, maybe. Prone to throwing tantrums as a kid. A door slammer and foot stamper and downright grump as a teenager.

But not a crier. And now the tears just kept on coming and she just couldn't make them go away.

She managed to hide them for most of the morning, but just after lunch, Remus came into the room when she was in a particularly bad state, sobbing uncontrollably as she looked down at her son.

"Dora?"

He was by her side in a matter of seconds.

She could barely get out the words.

"I just feel… frightened for him. I can't help it. It came on so suddenly… I just feel so scared, and so frightened for him...everything that's going on… and our futures are so uncertain."

He just held her and summoned some tissues. Bought from a muggle shop back in January, they had proved invaluable over the last few days in particular.

"Hestia said you would feel ups and downs," he whispered, his voice soft. "It's normal, and she said that they will likely get better in the next few days."

He brought her a calming draft that Hestia had left, and this did seem to have an effect. Teddy quietened down too as his mother relaxed, and he stopped crying and finally drifting off to sleep.

Remus took him gently and placed him in his cot. "Things are hard," he said to Tonks, drawing her towards him again. "And frightening. There's no denying that. All we can do is focus on what we have in the moment, and trust that they will get better."

"And," he added, continuing to stroke her hair as a renewed feeling of calm washed over her. "I've got something else to tell you that might cheer you up. Molly and Arthur are bringing Ginny round on Wednesday."

* * *

 **8** **th** **April 1998**

Remus was reading. Teddy was feeding. Tonks was listening raptly as the story unfolded. The pretence of reading the book to Teddy, they both knew, was really just an excuse to dive into the story themselves for a little bit.

"… _He gives her anything he wants, absolutely anything! She only has to start screaming for it and she gets it!_

" _Dreadful, isn't it?"_

" _Shocking I call it"_

" _Which do you think is her?"_

" _That one, over there on the left. The little girl in the silver mink coat."_

" _Which one is Charlie Bucket?_

_Charlie Bucket? He must be that skinny little shrimp standing beside the old fellow who looks like a skeleton. Very close to us. Just there! See him?"_

"I hope Teddy is a Charlie," Tonks said absent-mindedly, stroking his little head.

Remus looked up from his reading and snorted. "You want our son to be a skinny little shrimp? I suppose that will make me the old fellow who looks like a skeleton, then?"

"You know what I mean!" Tonks grinned back at him as she shifted Teddy's position. Her tears from the day before had, thankfully, dried up for now. "I hope he is a nice, kind, thoughtful little boy like Charlie Bucket, rather than a spoilt little brat, or a knuckle head boy who goes around fighting, or a fatso blob like Augustus Gloop."

"You do know that the five fictional children in his story are not Teddy's only options?" But Remus was laughing. "And I think a lot of that is down to how _we_ raise him, Dora. Anyway," he nodded in amusement at his feeding son, "at this rate I think fatso blob might be quite accurate."

"He's hungry! That's not his fault! Anyway, keep reading!"

"OK! OK! You're the one who interrupted." Remus scanned the page quickly to find where he had stopped.

" " _Why hasn't he got a coat on in this cold weather?"_

" _Don't ask me, maybe he can't afford to buy one!"_

" _Goodness me, he must be freezing!"_

_Charlie, standing only a few paces away from the speaker, gave Grandpa Joe's hand a squeeze, and the old man looked down at Charlie and smiled…"_

Tonks looked down at her son as Remus continued to read, marvelling at his tiny little features. She touched the palm of his hand with her thumb, and his tiny fingers curled around it. She felt tears spring to her eyes again, but they were happy ones this time.

"Definitely a Charlie," she whispered.

* * *

 **9** **th** **April 1998**

One visit. No magic. One hour and not a minute longer. Molly had been very firm. She and Arthur, keen to meet Teddy as well, had both accompanied their daughter to the cottage, leaving Fred and George under strict instructions not to blow up Muriel's house in their absence.

After twenty minutes or so, her parents had left her alone with Remus and Tonks, Molly bustling through to the kitchen to find a home for the copious items of food that she had brought round for them, and Arthur ambling over to the bookshelf in the hallway to examine Remus's collection of muggle books.

Her allocated time was going far too quickly for Ginny's liking, but it was better than nothing, and she couldn't stop grinning as she looked down at the tiny bundle in her arms.

"I just can't believe how cute he is," she said, touching his nose. "Hi there, little one."

At her touch, Teddy's hair turned slowly from light brown to Weasley red. Ginny's eyes lit up.

"So he's going to be like you?" she looked at Tonks. "He's definitely a metamorphmagus?"

"We think so," Tonks said. "He's definitely got morphing powers, and we assume they'll be the same as mine. Although I've seen no pink hair yet, which is disappointing." Her eyes sparkled to show she was joking, but then shot an uncertain look at her husband. "Obviously we'll find out on Saturday if he's inherited anything… else."

Ginny nodded, her face full of understanding.

"It won't matter," she whispered. "He is absolutely perfect either way."

"Ginny," Tonks said quietly. "We wanted to ask you… if you would be Teddy's godmother."

Ginny looked up at them both, open mouthed.

"Me?" she breathed.

"Yes, you!" Tonks grinned back at her.

Ginny looked simply stunned.

"I- I can't believe this! I never…never would have expected..." she faltered. "Me?" she said again.

Remus chuckled.

"Any objections?"

Ginny just shook her head, lost for words, and held Teddy even tighter.

"Five minutes, Ginny." Molly poked her head into the living room from the kitchen. Ginny looked a little sad but did not protest as she handed Teddy back to Tonks.

"I made you something." She turned to her bag and pulled out a hand knitted blanket. Woollen squares of all colours had been patched together, occasionally with a few dropped stitches.

"I know it's not very good," Ginny said hurriedly. "Especially not now I know it is a present for my _godson_ , but… Mum's been insisting that I get into knitting, and I wanted to get you something… and I thought he might like it. It's warm at least."

"It's beautiful, Ginny," Remus said, as his wife took the blanket at once and wrapped it round the little sleeping baby. "Thank you."

"It's so colourful!" Tonks beamed down at it, adjusting the shocking pink square so it was under his tiny head. "Maybe it'll encourage him to get a move on with the pink hair!"

* * *

 **10** **th** **April 1998**

Remus was afraid.

He had taken his wolfsbane religiously, as always.

They had fortified the cellar even more than usual for his transformation, just in case anything had been amiss with the potion.

Andromeda was going to come and stay the following night, to make sure she was there for Tonks and the baby when he couldn't be.

Everything was prepared to go as smoothly as it could be.

But the doubts nagged at him all the same. Just because Teddy was a metamorphmagus didn't automatically mean that he wasn't a werewolf as well. Hestia had told them as much. To her knowledge, there had been no documented cases of werewolves passing on their genetic make up to their offspring, but that didn't necessarily mean that it wasn't possible. It was a rarely studied subject, with very few examples to draw on, and so there were a lot of unknowns.

The full moon would be the test. Complex magical equipment at St Mungo's would have told them prior to that, but of course that was not an option for them right now.

Remus loved his new-born son so very, very much. If he was a werewolf as well it wouldn't matter to him in the slightest. But the thought that Teddy may have to suffer, because of something that had happened over thirty years before his birth, was a sickening one.

He tried not to think about it, but he couldn't help it.

He was afraid.

* * *

 **11** **th** **April 1998**

Tonks was afraid. She never would have admitted it to Remus, who already looked so worried. But she couldn't help it.

Hestia had assured them that as far as she could tell, their baby was perfectly healthy. But that didn't mean there would not be traces of Remus's condition. She simply didn't know, and with a hospital visit off the cards, the full moon was the only way to find out.

The chances of Teddy being a fully-fledged werewolf were incredibly slim but not non-existent. And they had no way of knowing what that would look like on such a young infant. There were no documented cases of a child under the age of two surviving a werewolf bite, therefore baby werewolves were unheard of.

Remus had assured them that as a young boy, his transformations had been more than manageable for his parents. If Teddy were to transform, he would not be a danger to anyone in the house. It was Teddy himself that they were worried about.

All they could do was wait.

Remus was already down on the mattress in the cellar, awaiting his transformation. Andromeda was in the comfortable chair in their bedroom, looking reassuringly at her daughter, who was sitting up in bed and kept throwing anxious glances at the clock in the corner.

"I will be here," she said. "All night."

All they could do was wait.

* * *

 **12** **th** **April 1998**

The clock downstairs chimed midnight. Dora, despite all her best intentions, had given into the waves of sleep that had been creeping up on her since nine o'clock that evening. Teddy slept peacefully too.

Andromeda, however, was very much awake. Her eyes, hawk like, were on Teddy's cot, waiting for the slightest signs of movement. She already had several plans of action lined up, should anything take a turn for the worse. She had not told her daughter about most of them, so as not to alarm her.

Through the wafer thin gap in the curtains, Andromeda could now see the moon, a giant silver circle in the clear night sky.

Downstairs, locked in the cellar, Remus would already be in his wolfish form. Andromeda's heart went out to the man. However much she may have blamed him for his actions towards her daughter, his life could not be easy. And those feelings were in the past now anyway. Anyone who could look the way Remus did on holding his baby son was not someone who was planning to walk out on his family.

Andromeda watched her grandson. He did not stir.

Then, quite suddenly, his eyes opened.

Andromeda's heartrate increased as she silently moved towards him. She had not truly believed, until that moment, that something might actually be wrong with Teddy. Everything had been a precaution. But he had just opened his eyes, and they were large, dark and soulful. As if something were very wrong indeed.

 _Don't cry_ , she pleaded internally. _Don't wake your mother. Just go back to sleep._

After a few seconds, Teddy's eyes closed again. A wave of relief crashed over her.

His hair, she noticed suddenly, was changing. The first non-natural colour she had seen on her grandson. Remus and Nymphadora had told her that although Teddy's hair frequently changed from black to brown through to redhead and blond, they had not seen other colours appearing yet. Tonks had loudly and jokingly expressed how disappointed she would be if Teddy was not able to replicate the garish shades of colour that she loved so much herself, while Remus chided her to be patient and not expect too much of their eight day old son too soon.

It seemed they had not had anything to worry about, on either account.

Teddy slept on through the night, barely stirring, as moonset came and the first rays of sunlight started to creep up over the horizon.

His hair stayed shocking pink.

* * *

 **15** **th** **April 1998**

"So everything was ok at ze weekend?"

This time the question came from Fleur, who was the latest person to drop by and see Teddy.

Remus nodded. The relief he had felt on waking up and staggering upstairs to find Tonks sitting with their pink haired son on her lap grinning down at him and Andromeda, tired but elated, smiling at him reassuringly from her place in the armchair by the window, still crashed over him in waves, even a few days on.

"No hint of anything at all," Tonks said. "We're hoping that means that all he has inherited is a love of colourful hair. Hestia said there could be the odd side effect around the full moon, but it seems that the condition itself has not been passed on."

"Well, if he likes his steaks rare, he must come to dinner at ours a lot when he is older," Fleur smiled. "He and Bill will be in great company!"

"Teddy really is lucky to have so many surrogate aunts and uncles, isn't he?" Tonks said, once Fleur had left.

"Well, given that we are only children, my parents were only children, as was your Dad, and the only siblings your mother has have disowned her for life, very lucky, I would say!"

"My mum always said I was more trouble than three kids put together," Tonks sighed. "But I would have liked a brother or sister. I wanted a twin, actually, or an older brother. Obviously it was too late by the time I was born!"

"I always wanted a younger brother or sister," Remus sighed. "I asked my parents about it once, but they got very upset. Of course, I realised not long after that they would have loved to have more children, and if it hadn't been for me... maybe they would have done. I never mentioned it again."

"Do you think Teddy will have a little brother or sister?"

"Steady on, you've only just given birth to this one! And it was bloody difficult from what I could see."

"Yeah I know! I'm just asking!"

He smiled, stroking his son's mint green hair.

"I hope so…"

* * *

 **19** **th** **April 1998**

Teddy was lying splayed on Remus's chest, fast asleep. Tonks was leafing through the book that Hestia had left, eventually putting it down and running a thoughtful hand over her stomach. Smaller than it had been two weeks ago, it still showed all the natural signs of recent pregnancy.

"I could probably morph it back to like it was, you know, now that he's been born." She glanced up at him. "I mean, when I was young, I would change my body all the time. Never bothered with the face, not unless I needed to for disguise - way too confusing for people. But I'd change everything else. I'd be tall and skinny one day, small and curvy the next." She wrinkled her nose. "God… no wonder I had no female friends."

"I'm sure the boys loved it enough to make up for that."

"I never used it to entertain perverted teenage boys with my body morphing if that's what you are insinuating Remus. No chance, although some tried it on. Milo Lawson, who was quidditch captain when I was in fourth year, even asked me if I could make myself really fat with giant, long arms and try out for keeper."

He burst out laughing.

"And did you?"

"What do you think?"

There was a silence.

"So should I?"

"Should you what?"

"Morph it away?" she gestured to her stomach as he stared back at her, a little confused.

"Since when have you needed my permission to change how you look?"

"Not _permission_. I was just wondering… if you would want me to."

He felt a little uncomfortable. They never really discussed each other's looks at all. He had known right from the start how much Tonks hated to change her appearance on any terms other than her own, and it didn't matter to him in the slightest how she looked. She was beautiful regardless of her hair or eyes or body shape. As for himself – he didn't exactly love what he saw when he looked in the mirror, but Tonks seemed happy and that was that. He shrugged awkwardly.

"Well…I think it's your body and you should do whatever you want to do."

Teddy stirred, and as Tonks moved to take him, pulling up her shirt to feed him, Remus felt a sudden, strange stirring in his chest.

"I don't think you should," he blurted out.

She looked up, her expression one of mild surprise.

"Unless you really want to… I mean," he faltered. "I did mean it when I said it was your body and your decision. I just…"

He couldn't help but look in awe at her. His love, his wife, the mother of his child.

"You'll be able to change how you look for years," he murmured. "But this…" he placed a gentle hand on her stomach. "This is so natural, and I don't think I want it to go away just yet."

"OK," Tonks just smiled at him. "Natural it is."

* * *

 **24** **th** **April 1998**

"We've made you something else," Fred informed them. It was his and George's turn for a baby visit.

"Is it sunglasses, to look directly at your outfits?" Remus enquired. Fred and George were wearing identical hooded sweatshirts, bright purple each emblazoned with a shocking orange W.

"Nope," Fred said, and he pulled something out of the bag. "Muggles call it a polaroid, but we've called it…an Insta-gram!"

"So it's a camera?" Tonks said, looking at the lumpy object.

George and Fred just exchanged looks of amusement. Fred rolled his eyes to the heavens. "A camera she says. My dearest Tonks, do you really think we would come all this way to boast to you about a _camera_ , something that you could go and buy in a muggle store any time you wanted?"

"I mean it is sort of a camera," George acknowledged, and Tonks looked smug. "But you don't need to develop the film in a chromatic solution. Here… take our picture!" He thrust the camera at Remus, and then threw his arm round his brother and grinned cheesily.

The camera snapped, whirred, and a photo came shooting out the top.

Remus stared at it in astonishment, and took it gingerly. Fred and George grinned back at him from the page, waving energetically, their jumpers just as bright as they were in real life.

"That is genius," Tonks gaped, taking the photo to have a look as well. "Is there literally no end to your talent?"

"Careful now or you'll inflate our heads," George warned, but he was grinning. "Anyway, it's for you. To take photos of Teddy."

Tonks and Remus both shook their heads at once, and Remus tried to push the camera back into George's hands.

"Not buts!" Fred said sternly. "We want this little one embarrassed as much as possible by a load of baby photos when he's a bit older, don't we? Anyway, we can make more. Dad's got a whole pile of muggle cameras that we've managed to hide from Mum and Muriel, and we're working from them."

Remus sighed, but relented. If the last few years had taught him anything, it was that if people wanted to give you something, you were best off accepting.

"It's amazing," he said." "Do you want this one by the way?" he held out the picture of the twins.

"Ah, we don't want to see our own faces, we see them every day," Fred waved a hand. "Although…" he paused. "It's quite a nice photo, actually, and if I lose my ears or my nose or something in the next few months it would be nice to have a reminder of my pure, unblemished face, given that I can't just look at George for that anymore. No need to prevent you displaying it in pride of place on your mantlepiece though!"

He pressed a button on top of the camera and a second picture popped out, identical to the first.

"Let me try!" Tonks said eagerly. "I'll take one of Teddy."

She pointed it at her son and clicked the button.

Out came the photo, Teddy's little face gazing at them under a mop of turquoise hair, as he cheerfully waved his fists at the camera.

* * *

 **29** **th** **April 1998**

"Do you think he'll smile soon?" Tonks asked, bouncing Teddy on her knee.

"I mean…he's sort of been smiling anyway," Remus said, but his wife just shrugged.

"Not really though… only moving his mouth. It's not a proper baby smile."

"I'm sure he will soon," Remus said. "He's not even four weeks old yet, remember!"

About to reply, she was distracted by the sleek silver greyhound patronus of Bill Weasley, which had just bounded into the room. Tonks's breath caught in her throat, but as she heard the words, she relaxed, her mouth stretching into a smile.

" _Harry and co are leaving in a couple of days. They've asked to see you before they go."_

* * *

 **30** **th** **April 1998**

Hermione looked down at the tiny little baby in her arms, her eyes glistening with sudden tears.

"It doesn't take much to set her off at the moment," Ron joked to Tonks. "He is super cute though." He reached out and touched Teddy's little fingers, looking half amazed, half terrified, as if they might break.

Harry looked down at the baby in delight as well for several long minutes, then up at Remus, who was watching.

"Remus, could I just talk to you quickly, in private?"

He nodded at once, and the two of them went through into the kitchen.

Harry turned to Remus and took a deep breath.

"I need to apologise."

Remus held up a hand at once.

"No, Harry you don't."

"I do!" Harry insisted. "What I said… all those months ago, I didn't mean it, I truly didn't. I – I wish I hadn't said any of it, Remus."

"Well, Harry… I don't wish that at all." Remus smiled at the slight look of confusion that passed over Harry's face at this. "Trust me on that. Whatever you meant, what you said was what I needed to hear. You were completely right... about James, about everything...And anyway, it's all in the past now."

Harry did not look convinced.

"But I never really thought you were-"

"I know," Remus cut him off, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Harry, I know. Please believe me when I say this. What happened back at Grimmauld Place was for the best, in so many ways. You do not need to apologise. If you absolutely insist on doing so, then I accept your apology. But that is all there is to say."

"OK," Harry smiled uncertainly up at him. "Ok… thanks Remus, for everything."

Hermione was still cuddling Teddy when they came back into the living room.

"Do you want to hold him?" She offered the bundle of blankets to Ron.

Ron looked most alarmed and backed away. "No! No…" he stammered. "I'd just prefer… to look. You know."

"But it'll be great practice for when…" Hermione went very pink and didn't finish the rest of her sentence. "What about you, Harry?" she said quickly, turning to him as he shared a knowing look of amusement with Tonks.

Harry felt almost as alarmed as Ron had looked.

"He's your godson," Remus said. "You'll have to get used to it. And it's not so scary. You were the first baby I ever held, Harry, all those years ago."

"Did you drop him? Might explain a few things!" Ron sniggered. Hermione just rolled her eyes and held Teddy out to Harry.

Harry obediently took the little rainbow blanket from his friend and stared down at his godson.

"Teddy," he murmured. How long he stayed, there, staring down at the tiny baby, he wasn't sure. Then he handed him back to his mother, and the five of them talked and laughed together, and for just a short while the war was paused, the darkness lifted, as if the threat that was looming ever closer had ceased to exist.

Then, the spell was broken. Hermione looked at her watch. "Harry, we really should…"

Harry sighed, looking sadly at Teddy, nestled peacefully in his mother's arms.

"I know," he said. There was a terrible look of longing in his eyes. "I know."

"Look- I don't know when we'll next see you," he said bluntly, as the three of them got up to leave. "I want to say soon, but…"

"We understand." Tonks said gently. "We'll be thinking of you, Harry."

Hermione, taking great care not to squash Teddy, lent over to give Tonks a hug, and Harry did the same.

Then he turned to Remus with an odd expression in his green eyes. He truly was a man now, Remus realised. The little baby he had first held so many years ago had grown up, and he had missed so much of his life, helped him far less than he had always intended to. And now he stood before them, preparing for whatever battle he was about to face, out of reach of his assistance or advice.

He could not even speak as he stared into Harry's face, took his hand, grasping it tightly, and then pulled him into a brief hug.

"Take care, Harry," he said. It was all he could manage.

* * *

 **2** **nd** **May 1998**

"I suppose we'd better clean up a bit, as Mum is coming round," Tonks sighed, looking round at the living room. "How to we always manage to make such a mess?"

Remus merely raised his eyebrows.

"OK…OK… I know it's my mess," she sighed. "But it's your son's mess too, you know."

"All your genes!"

She ignored this.

"Stick the radio on," she said, as she made to pick up a couple of soft toys from the sofa. "Preferably music or something. Nothing depressing."

But the first words out of the radio stopped them in their tracks, as they instantly recognised Lee Jordan's excitable tones.

"Breaking news! Breaking news! Latest reports from London itself is the recent Gringotts break in. In the most shocking turn of events to date, Harry Potter and his friends Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger smoothly infiltrated to previously thought to be impenetrable vaults of Gringotts, before escaping on a dragon. Yes, you heard me correctly. Escaped. On a _dragon_!"

Tonks and Remus merely gaped at each other.

"It is unknown what our three allies were looking for in Gringotts, but our inside sources tell us that the vault in question was none other than that of Bellatrix Lestrange, noted Death Eater and faithful servant of mouldy warty butt face. Stay tuned, we will bring you more information as it comes in."

A stunned, impressed silence followed the crackle as Lee's voice died out. Then Tonks let out a delighted laugh and pointed over to the other side of the room.

Teddy was awake, his eyes wide and bright under his green hair. And he was definitely, unmistakably, smiling.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write, but I always intended this story to be completely book compliant. I still have the epilogue to go after this, which is a little more cheerful. I am also working on an AU sequel which completely ignores the events of this chapter. Feedback welcome x

_"I was trying to make a world in which he could live a happier life." - Remus Lupin_

_"I couldn't stand not knowing." - Nymphadora Tonks_

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**Green**

* * *

**2nd May 1998**

After dinner that evening, Tonks and Remus sat with Andromeda, discussing the latest turn of events.

"So do you think its true Mum?" Tonks said eagerly. "About Gringotts? And the dragon?"

"If it is then I hope it was indeed my dear sister's vault they broke into!" Andromeda said grimly. "And I hope I get to see Harry myself to congratulate him."

"I wouldn't be at all surprised if it were true," Remus said. "We have plenty of informants in London, after all, and they'll be hard pushed to conceal something as big as a Gringotts break in. And we know Harry was working on a secret mission with Griphook and leaving first thing this morning. That must be what it was."

"I just can't believe it!" Tonks breathed. "Two days ago he was standing here, holding Teddy, and now he's off riding a dragon somewhere. Your godfather is a very, very cool man," she said, looking down at the cot where Teddy lay. He was fast asleep. "But you are not to go around riding dragons," she added hastily, seeing her mother's raised eyebrows.

"Well, I-" Remus began, but his voice died in his throat as their attention was caught by a streak of light entering the room. The silver lynx landed on the floor in front of them. His heartrate accelerated. Kingsley's patronus rarely indicated good news these days. For non-urgent matters they tended to use the Communicoins.

" _The time for the final battle has come. He is approaching Hogwarts. We need as much help as we can_."

As the lynx faded into nothing, something seemed to disappear from the floor beneath him.

"We'll both go!" Dora said at once, leaping to her feet. "Mum can you-"

"No," his voice was strangled. "Dora, you need to stay with Teddy. One of us should."

They stared at each other. The usual battle of wills. _Protect or be protected_. But there was no anger, not this time, just a silent, desperate struggle as the weight of this terrible choice sank in.

"Remus is right," Andromeda said. Her voice was soft, but with a firm undertone as she faced her daughter. "You need to come back home with me. It will be safe, if people are fighting elsewhere, and I will be better placed to protect you from my own home. A mother's place is with her child, Dora."

Tonks's eyes filled with tears as she looked between the sleeping baby in the cot and her husband, who summoned his cloak from the hook on the wall with a wave of his wand. "I can't," she choked. "I can't stay here. I have to fight!"

"Dora please!" Remus came over and took her hands in his, fighting to stay in control of his emotions himself. "You gave birth a month ago. You're not completely fit yet!"

"I have to try. I _have_ to. I can't just stay here waiting. Don't make me sit here waiting, not knowing what's happening."

"But I can't lose you. Our family can't lose you. _Teddy_ can't lose you."

Dora looked as though she was going to protest again, but then a sleepy cry, no doubt triggered by the sound of his parents' raised voices, came from the cot behind them. At the sound, Dora's head jerked upwards, and a single tear broke free from the restraints of her eyelids and trickled down her cheek.

"It's OK," she whispered, crossing over to the cot and picking up her son. "It's OK, I'm not going anywhere."

Remus came over and took them both in his arms, kissing Teddy on the forehead. "Keep safe," he murmured.

Teddy's sobs subsided and Tonks placed him back in his cot, tears now flowing freely down her pale cheeks.

Andromeda gave Remus a brief but fierce hug, just had she had done a month ago after the birth of their son, then tactfully took her place by Teddy as her daughter followed Remus to the door. There was nothing he could say as he held out his arms and she fell into them. He felt as though he would never be able to hold her tight enough.

"You'll come back," she said, her voice muffled against his chest. "Promise me."

He did not offer a reply, but she did not press him for one. She knew as well as he did that this was one promise he was not prepared to make.

"I love you Dora," he whispered, kissing her. The salty taste of her tears was painful. "Always."

The four words stuck in her throat as she replied, and he knew that it was too close to a final goodbye. "Wait," she said suddenly, running back into the kitchen and returning a second later with a small square photo curled up in her hand. She pressed it into his grasp and as Remus stared down at the picture he felt a lump rise in his throat. His child, his beautiful, blue haired son looked up at him from the folds of the rainbow blanket that Ginny had knitted for them just a few short weeks ago, beaming in delight at his father, unaware of the dangers that surrounded him in every direction.

For a second, Remus wanted nothing more than to dive back inside the house, barricade the door and stay there with his wife and son, the two most important people in his entire world, hidden safely away until the end.

But it _would_ be the end, and a quick and terrible one, if he did not make every effort to defeat this great force of evil now; if he did not go to battle and offer one more willing fighter, one more chance of beating back the darkness. Everything that meant the most to him was inside the walls of this little cottage, but every chance of preserving such beauty and life lay hundreds of miles away, in a castle he had once called home.

With a last, longing look at the photo, he put it in his breast pocket and kissed his wife one final time. He knew if he stayed much longer there would be no walking away from her.

"I love you," he said again, before turning and disappearing into the steadily falling darkness. Her reply was the last thing he heard before he turned on the spot and vanished.

*******

Dora had paced her mother's sitting room a good thirty times while Teddy slept soundly in his cot. He had always been a good sleeper, but at that moment she could think of nothing worse than having a peacefully sleeping baby. She wanted him to cry, to need her comfort and her care, to demand her absolute, undivided attention. She needed a distraction. And with every second that passed without one, she became a little more certain as to where her place should be.

"Dora." Her mother surveyed her from the doorway of the room, compassion written over her face. Her two sisters were surely at that battle as well. Her own flesh and blood may be threatening her daughter's and her grandson's future as they spoke.

"Mum I can't!" As the words burst forth, Tonks knew what she had secretly known the second the silver lynx had landed on the carpet of her and Remus's little cottage. She was not one to stay in hiding. "I'm sorry but I can't stay here. I just can't. I _have_ to go and fight."

"Dora, a mother's place-"

"Is with her child. I know, I know! But what good am I to him here? If we don't win this war, what sort of world will he grow up in? What other forces of evil will he be subjected to? I am no use to him here Mum, you know I'm not. I need to be at the battle. They need me!"

"There are many of them there already," her mother said quietly. "One person less will not make a difference."

"You don't know that!" Her voice was high with anguish. "We don't know how many people have been saved over the last few years by having one _more_ person. Or how many losses we have suffered from having one less. We don't know what might have happened if we'd had one more helping hand, one extra shield charm, one more person to fight. Maybe Sirius would still be alive if we had! Maybe Dad would be!"

She saw her mother flinch at the words, and guilt instantly besieged her. "Sorry," she whispered, tears threatening to overflow again. "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair-"

"No, you're right," Andromeda looked sad as she surveyed her daughter, but her eyes glowed all the same. "Of course you are right. You were born to fight," she said, coming closer. "Always a fighter. I cannot be the one to stand in the way of that. And I'm _so proud_ of you, Dora. My daughter. My baby girl."

They embraced, the warmest and most loving hug Tonks could remember sharing with her mother in a very long while. She hesitated again as she glanced back at Teddy.

"I will look after him," her mother said. "Do not worry about that."

"I love you," she whispered to her son, holding him close and kissing him. "So much. And I will fight for you. For the world you deserve to live in. Until the very end. I promise."

*******

She was one of the last to enter Hogwarts. The fight was a blur of destruction, commotion and noise as she and Ginny raced down the corridors, pausing at a window to fire jinxes down into a group of Death Eaters below.

"Good girl!" Aberforth roared on his way past them, as Ginny shot a particularly well aimed jinx at a hooded figure.

"Have you seen Remus?" Tonks called after him.

"He was duelling Dolohov," he shouted back, already moving on his way. "I haven't seen him since."

A cold, sick feeling overwhelmed her. Antonin Dolohov, the cruel, ruthless Death Eater who had murdered several of her parents' close friends in the first war. He was one of Voldemort's oldest followers, born to fight, trained to kill.

"Please let him be ok," she whispered, praying that someone, somewhere would answer the unheard prayer.

She ran down corridor after corridor, firing curses wherever she could but not pausing to see the fate of her targets. Her mind was focused on one thing, to find Remus.

At the foot of a staircase, she recognised Neville Longbottom, who was duelling a large, cloaked figure, and gave a cry of alarm as his wand was blasted out of his hand. She fired a curse at the Death Eater in question and, not pausing to see the look of relief on Neville's face as his opponent fell, continued to run on.

After what felt like hours she reached the lowest floor of the castle and burst through a gap that had been blasted from one of the walls, into the grounds. She was in the courtyard. Barely recognizable, and yet she recognized it all the same. It had been her very favourite place as a student, and she had come here many a time to lie in the sun with her friends or, very occasionally, to do a bit of revision.

Not that it looked the same as it had back then. Glass had shattered from the surrounding windows. Stone and rubble were piled everywhere. The fallen were strewn across the ground while those who had struck them ran free to find a new opponent.

" _Stupify_!" The Death Eater charging towards her crumpled in an instant, brought down by a curse that Percy Weasley had fired at his back. Tonks, raising her hand to Percy gratefully and about to run past without a second thought, just as she had with everyone else, knew a terrifying moment of recognition as the familiarity of the man who had just fallen brought the sick feeling back to her throat. Dolohov's face was maimed and bloody, and a bright red gash stood out in his neck. But she had recognised him, nonetheless. And he was alive.

" _Remus_!" The panic surged through her once more.

She plunged through a small archway at the very far end of the courtyard. There was less commotion here, just a few stray duels occurring around them. But her pace slowed, and her breath caught completely in her chest as she saw two figures over by the stone wall that separated the passageway from the once beautifully green, now deadened garden that lay beyond. One of whom she recognized even through the smoke and ash and dust. Tall, balding and red-haired, Arthur Weasley was kneeling beside another. And the other was lifeless, lying on the ground at an awkward angle, and Tonks could not bear to look directly at whoever it was, too afraid of what she might see. It was her feet, as though acting of their own accord, that carried her towards them.

Arthur raised his head as she approached. "Tonks," he whispered, and the break in his voice and the desolation in his eyes was the confirmation she hadn't really needed. "Tonks, I - I'm so sorry."

She did not hear the words. She just stared down, blankly, into the face of her husband, who just hours ago had been smiling at her, kissing her, telling her he loved her. The face that was now white and still. She did not notice her knees hitting the stone or the shards of broken glass piercing her flesh as she sank to the concrete beside him. The deafening noise of the battle had dimmed and even an explosion and the ensuing screams from just behind the wall where she was kneeling did not resonate in her ears or her mind. Remus was the only real thing in the world as she gazed into the face she knew so well, the face that would never again break into that gentle and loving smile he reserved only for her, and the tears began to fall.

"Tonks, we have to move," Arthur said urgently, from behind her, tugging at her shoulder. She vaguely registered that the little courtyard was becoming more chaotic as the walls crumbled around them, and more fighters rushed in. "Tonks please, I'm sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry, but we have to move."

"A minute," she gasped, through her tears. They were blinding her. "Please. Just one minute." She felt Arthur's hand squeeze her shoulder, heard him cast a shield charm over her that she knew would hold for mere seconds amidst such chaos, and he was gone.

Tonks bent over to rest her head on Remus's chest, her sobs now uncontrollable. How could he be gone? Her loving husband, with whom she had had so little time. The father of her son, with whom _he_ had had so little time. How the world be so cruel as to take him away from his new-found joy, after all his long years of solitude and pain and suffering? She clutched the front of his worn robes, pressing her lips to his forehead, unable to let him go, wanting, in that moment, to lay down her wand and body and life and stay in his unmoving arms until the darkness and destruction swallowed her as well.

But as her fingers entwined deeper into his cloak they brushed against the edge of a small curl of paper. She dug into the inside pocket and pulled out the photo of Teddy that she had given him hours before, staring at the tiny, round face that gazed back at her adoringly. Her son. Their son. Their little baby who had brought them so much joy in four short weeks, the boy who lay in his cot hundreds of miles away, probably sleeping peacefully, unaware that his father would never hold him again. And in that instant, steel set on her heart. She had _promised_ that she would fight for him. Fight for a world in which he could be happy and peaceful and grow up without the threat of darkness hanging over his colourful little head. And to that promise would now be added another, to avenge her husband, and do everything she could to destroy those who had put an end to his life. It was as she had this thought that the cackle came from behind her and she whipped round, springing to her feet and pointing her wand at the heart of the tall, black-haired, wild-eyed woman now standing in front of her.

"Finally," Bellatrix shrieked, after a half glance at Remus's body. "At last! I only wish I had been the one to finish him off!"

Tonks snarled and her wand twirled. Hatred that she had never known before built up inside her, a white hot flame of anger that blazed in her chest, drying the tears from her eyes, giving energy and litheness to her limbs, fuelling the jets of green light that flew, with unprecedented lack of effort or remorse, from the tip of her wand. Finally, here was her chance to finish this evil woman. Her cousin's killer. Her parents' torturer. An ever-present threat to her beautiful baby boy. Murderer of so many good, brave, pure witches and wizards who she could now avenge.

But Remus had been right. Her pregnancy had taken its natural toll on her, and she was not as fit as she had once been. She soon became tired, her breath searing her throat and her heart pounding as she dodged jet after jet of burning light. She was holding her own, still fighting, not backing down, but Bellatrix was so much faster, so much more agile, so much crueller, and with every dodge and every curse thrown back in retaliation, Tonks felt her chances of victory in this duel slipping further away.

Then her aunt hissed an incantation she did not recognize, and three separate jets of blue smoke streamed from the wand. Tonks twisted and ducked simultaneously to avoid them, but in the unnatural movement her foot caught on a loose stone and she crashed to the ground, her wand flying out of her hand.

She was back on her feet within seconds, but her wand was gone, and she could not risk taking her eyes off Bellatrix even for a second to search for it. She had never mastered wandless magic, and although she tried in vain to summon her wand from its unknown location amidst the rubble and dust, nothing flew back into her hand. Her fist closed around the empty air and her heartbeat reduced to an unnaturally slow pace as she squared herself up to Bellatrix.

It was over. She had nowhere to run, no place to hide, and now, not even a means of defending herself. Bellatrix was finally about to win her quest to purge this unwanted branch of her family tree, and Tonks was cornered, defenceless and powerless against such a relentless onslaught of hatred and fury. But she did not even flinch as her aunt let out a soft, jubilant cackle. She thought of her baby, safe at home, to whom she had kept her final word, to fight for him until the end. And she thought of her husband, who lay just feet away from her, in a better place now. And in spite of everything, she smiled. He would be with her father, with whom he had not spent nearly enough time, and his own parents, who he had lost so long ago. He would be with Sirius, their dear friend, her long lost cousin, and with James and Lily, who had been torn so cruelly from his life without even a proper chance to say goodbye. And soon, so very soon, she would be joining them as well.

It was in slow motion that she saw Bellatrix raise her wand one final time. But it was the memory of her dad's laughing eyes that pushed the fear out of her mind as Bellatrix's deranged face flashed with triumph. And it was the sound of Sirius's bark like laugh that echoed in her ears and blocked out the final curse. It was the sight of her son's radiant face that blurred her vision and eclipsed the jet of green light that sped towards her. And it was the thought of Remus, who was in reach, whose strong, loving arms would be waiting to catch her as she fell, that filled her heart, body and soul for a split second before her legs crumpled beneath her and everything went black.

*******

It was Neville and Luna who found them. As the fires turned to ash and the dust began to settle, and the battle came to a temporary halt while the defenders of Hogwarts were given an hour to tend to the dead and nurse the injured, the two teenagers picked their way through the heaps of stone and rubble, searching for survivors and those who needed help. But all was still in the little courtyard at the back of the castle, eerily quiet now compared to the noise that had come before.

Then Neville, his eyes suddenly focusing on the two figures lying just outside the ruined courtyard, gave an anguished cry and ran towards the far wall, praying that what he thought he had seen was just an illusion of his tired and battle worn mind. Luna followed him at an unusually fast pace, catching up with him seconds after he had seen enough to confirm the terrible truth. And there were no words that could express the dismay that struck their hearts as they looked down at Remus and Tonks, lying just feet away from each other on the mess of stones and glass that had once been the enclosed gardens of their school, their hands almost touching, their eyes shut in a sleep from which they would never wake. Neither of them said a word, but both dark brown eyes and silver grey immediately filled with tears at the sight of their fallen friends as they knelt beside them. The world seem to stand still for several long, painful moments.

Finally, wiping the tears from her face, Luna got to her feet, and Neville did the same. They waved their wands in unison and Remus and Tonks were lifted from the ground in one fluid motion, as if on invisible stretches, and directed towards the great hall, where so many other friends now lay. And Neville and Luna walked behind them in silence, hand in hand, mourning the loss of two of their greatest, bravest allies; two people who had deserved a lifetime of happiness together in the light and peaceful world they had lain down their lives for.

* * *

o

A silver, shimmering mist was clouding Remus's vision. That was strange. Everything was quiet – also unusual. But there was something even more odd, something bizarre.

There was no pain.

He pushed himself up in an easy motion and looked around. He was lying on a long stretch of grass, not far from the edge of a huge expanse of trees that seemed to stretch on for miles. Where he was looked remarkably like the Hogwarts grounds, in fact, except that the forest was much lighter and there was a distinct absence of the castle itself.

He turned his head from side to side, looking in all directions. He was alone.

Or was he alone? Several feet away, emerging from the trees, he could now make out someone running towards him. And as they came closer he saw who it was. Bright eyed, pink haired, energetic as ever. His wife. His Dora.

"Dora?"

He had no words as he got to his feet and she threw herself into his arms.

"You're here." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"But…Teddy."

"He's OK. I left him with Mum."

Her eyes were huge as she gazed up at him.

"I _had_ to come. You understand that don't you? I couldn't not fight."

"But you're here. With me. And that means…"

She simply nodded. There were no tears, but her eyes were filled with some deep, soulful sort of emotion.

"I couldn't sit and do nothing. I _had_ to do something. Even if it wasn't much. And I might have made a difference. Kingsley said that to us once, remember? Sometimes, if you do something, that something could mean _everything_."

He could only nod in return.

"I might have helped, Remus. Just a little. And if Teddy gets to grow up in a peaceful world because of that, then I did the right thing."

Their hands entwined, fingers lacing together. For a second, there was no one else in the world, whatever world this was, but them.

And then he saw more figures emerging from the trees. He recognised them almost at once, but he did not move as they came closer and their faces became clearer. First came a cheerful looking man with sandy blond hair, and Tonks stumbled towards him with a cry.

The others were there for him. And they looked so familiar, so young, so unchanged, even after all these years.

James was the first to speak.

"Well Moony. We were rooting for you. And I'm so, so sorry. But you have no idea how good it is to see you again."

Lily caught him in the fiercest of hugs, one that contained both joy and sadness, held both the finality of an unsaid goodbye and the eternity of hello again. Her emerald eyes were shining as she looked up at him, but from what emotion he just couldn't tell.

"Thank you," she whispered simply. "For Harry."

Remus stared around, his eyes adjusting - yet not adjusting - to the colours and light and patterns that surrounded them. His heart felt heavy, because of Teddy, yet lighter, somehow, than it had ever felt before. It was strange. He just couldn't work out how to feel. Was he feeling anything at all?

"It takes some getting used to," Sirius said quietly, as if reading his thoughts. "Being here. It's different, and it's strange. Everything you used to feel somehow isn't what you feel here. And at first that seems so wrong. But you do get used to it, eventually."

Remus stared round at them. "My son," was all he could manage. "Our baby."

Tonks had released her father and come back over to him, slipping herself into his arms and burying her face in his shoulder.

Lily's bright green eyes gazed at both of them, full of empathy and understanding. "It gets easier. I promise it does. And you will be able to see him, there are lots of ways. We have been with Harry so often, over the years. And that is why we are so grateful, to both of you, for everything you have done for him. And there are so many who will be there for your son, the way you were for ours."

Remus experimented with a smile. It felt OK. Dora's arms were wrapped firmly round his waist. His father-in-law looked on from a distance, his eyes alight. His oldest and dearest friends gazed back at him, love and warmth and compassion in each of their faces. Around them, the grass stretched on, rippling in the breeze and vividest green. Somewhere in the trees, a bird had begun to sing. The sun seemed to be going down, its light a dazzling, blinding silver; the wispy clouds that stretched over the horizon now tinged with brightest pink.

*


	18. Chapter 18

* * *

**Epilogue**

**Iridescence**

* * *

They came to Teddy, very occasionally. The briefest of visions, fleeting but so clearly defined. Like a soap bubble suddenly catching the light, displaying a swirl of colours previously unseen for a few seconds before the inevitable pop.

o

 **4** **th** **April 2005**

He sat on the sitting room rug, surrounded by the presents that he had just unwrapped. Victoire was looking longingly at the toy dragon he was holding, a present from his "Uncle" Charlie.

"Here, you can play with it." He handed it to her and then crossed to the other side of the room, where several adults sat next to the table, talking in low voices. The table was loaded with treats and snacks and, most importantly of all, a giant chocolate fudge cake patterned with tiny rainbow stars.

"Please can I have some more cake?"

The purple haired woman nearest to him smiled and nodded.

As his grandmother cut him a generous slice of cake and put it on a plate for him, he reached out to touch the little drop of amber that hung round his mother's neck, before moving his hand down to place it on the bump of her stomach.

"Will it be a more-phagus, like you and me?"

The adults all smiled as he stumbled over the long word. Tonks brushed a strand of electric blue hair out of his eyes and kissed him on the nose.

"We'll just have to wait and see, my love."

"That would be quite unlikely, wouldn't it?" Ginny said to her friend. She was a very similar size and shape at the moment herself.

"Actually, not as much as you would think!" Tonks replied. "Hestia told me ages ago that Incidental Metamorphmagi - which is what I am – are so rare that there has never been a case of two in the same family, not even extended family. And it's still very unusual for the trait to be passed down from parent to child. But a lot of those who _have_ passed it on have ended up passing it on to all their children, not just one of them. If they are all with the same partner I mean. Something to do with dominant genes. So…" She shrugged. "This little one could well be."

"And when you put it like that, I suppose I should be deeply suspicious if this it isn't," Remus said pointedly, but his eyes were sparkling.

Teddy just munched at his cake, made for him by his "Granny" Molly. It was delicious.

o

* * *

o

 **2** **nd** **May 2008**

Rows and rows of people sat in silence, their expressions sombre, staring towards the front of the auditorium. Among then, several small children sat, smartly dressed and wide-eyed, looking up at Minister Shacklebolt as he addressed the audience.

They were silent, obedient, and well behaved. It had been impressed upon them for the last few days. This was a very, _very_ important day. They must be good and although it might not seem like a big deal to them, it really was. They would understand when they were a bit older.

Plus, if they were all extremely well-behaved, they may each be allowed a second slice of cake at Victoire's eighth birthday party that afternoon.

The promise of additional sugar had converted even James Sirius Potter into the picture of model behaviour, and he sat solemnly in the front row as he watched his own father stand up to take the stage. Teddy sat next to him, at Ginny's request. Sometimes, Teddy was the only person that James was willing to listen to.

The party that afternoon was a much more cheerful affair than the morning's ceremony.

"Remus!" Harry made his way over to where Remus was standing, with Ginny and Teddy, as they filled their plates with snacks from the big table in the expanded living room of Shell Cottage. Hermione was just behind him, beaming.

"We've got some news," Harry said. "Kingsley told us just this morning."

"All the anti-werewolf employment legislation has finally been repealed!" Hermione burst out excitedly, before Harry could continue.

"What? _All_ of it?" Remus's mouth fell open in shock.

"All of it," Hermione assured him. "Of course, the really awful stuff got pulled years ago, you know that, but there were still obscure clauses, buried in old laws, and there's always some idiot who rears their ugly head and contests their removal and slows down the whole process. But we've been working away at it, and we're sure now, the Minister confirmed today. Werewolves have exactly the same employment rights as anyone else in our world!"

Remus could only hug Hermione in delight and gratitude at this news.

Teddy piled his plate high with sausage rolls, listening to the adults' conversation. He hadn't understood everything, but he did know that this was a very big deal.

o

* * *

o

 **15** **th** **June 2008**

Teddy sat playing with James by the fireplace. Toy trains, cars and motorcycles lay scattered all over the floor. James showed Teddy his purple replica of the Knight Bus, which he was very proud of.

"Want…playyy." Albus cried, trying to take the toy bus from his brother, but James held it high out of his reach, sniggering. Albus looked as though he was about to burst into tears.

A few metres away, Ginny was sitting on one of the sofas, looking exhausted but radiant, clutching a little bundle of blankets in her arms.

"What's her name?" Tonks whispered, as Ginny offered the new-born baby to her to hold and Harry came into the room and put a mug of tea for each of them on the coffee table.

Harry met Remus's gaze for a fraction of a second. "Lily," he said, smiling slightly.

Remus looked down at the tiny baby in his wife's arms and stroked her cheek very softly.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

The pink haired two-year-old currently sitting on Remus's lap squirmed impatiently and reached out too, imitating her father's gesture, trying to touch the baby as well.

"Gently, Hope," Remus warned, as he held her arm back. "You must be very, very gentle."

"Ted, Rose, Hope, James, Lily..." Hermione said. "We really are going with the habit of honouring our parents, aren't we?"

"Well, if this one's a boy we are _not_ naming it after your father," Ron said pointedly to Hermione, from his position in the armchair next to her. Rosie was sitting on his lap, absorbed in a picture book.

Hermione looked affronted.

"What's wrong with my dad's name?"

Ron snorted.

"Well, quite apart from the fact that we already have a Victoire in the family, and that would be dead confusing, no son of mine is going to be named _Victor_ , whether it's spelt with a C or not!" He looked deeply disgusted and Hermione just rolled her eyes.

"Well, I certainly hope we kick the habit for this generation, anyway," Tonks said, nodding towards her own offspring. "I refuse to have a grandchild named _Nymphadora_."

"Sort of on that note, we actually wanted to ask you something," Ginny said, looking up at Harry then over to Remus and Tonks. "We wondered… if you two would be Lily's godparents?"

"Really?" Tonks's mouth fell open.

"Of course," Harry said.

"Any objections?" Ginny caught Remus's eye and they shared a reminiscent smile.

Teddy still wasn't exactly sure what godparents were for. But he knew that Harry and Ginny were his and that Bill and Fleur were Hope's. And he knew they were very important, came round for dinner a lot, and sometimes they gave you presents.

Tonks's eyes sparkled. "Of course not. We would be honoured to."

Remus had not said a word, but his face said it all.

Hope had lost interest in the tiny lump in her mother's lap. She climbed down off her father's knee and toddled over to the fireplace towards the boys. James smiled at her and immediately handed over his toy bus for her to play with. Albus wailed indignantly, fat tears now leaking down his cheeks.

"Here, you can play with this!" Teddy handed Albus the replica of the scarlet steam engine that he had been holding. Al beamed at him in delight.

o

* * *

o

 **31** **st** **March 2009**

They were almost ready, the little gingerbread men. He had done all their chocolate eyes, and their little red mouths. Now all the remained was to put on the buttons. He went into the larder out the back of the kitchen to get the coloured sugar drops.

About to climb on his little stool to reach them from the middle shelf, a sound from back inside the kitchen made him retrace his steps.

Hope, giggling, her hair a bright shade of orange, was sitting on the table, her mouth covered in chocolate.

Teddy gave an anguished cry and ran back over. But it was too late. One of the gingerbread men also had a bite out of one of its legs. "Hope!" he gasped, staring down at the table in horror. "NO! What are you doing? You've _ruined_ them!"

"What's going on?"

His mother had appeared in a dressing gown, her pink hair drying of its own accord as she ran a hand through it. Hope gave another high pitched laugh and ran out of the kitchen on her stubby little legs.

Teddy looked in dismay at his little gingerbread men, and then up at his mother. "She's _ruined_ them and that was the last of the chocolate drops, and now most of them have no eyes." Teddy's own eyes were large with anxiety.

"Like mother, like daughter, it seems." Remus had also entered the kitchen and, catching sight of the gingerbread men, now nothing but bare little figures with red smiley mouths, one of them an amputee, looked as though he was about to laugh.

"It's not funny!" Teddy glared up at him, his eyes now glimmering with unshed tears. "They were nearly done, and they were for George's birthday, and it might make him upset with me again."

The smiles on his parents' faces vanished in an instant.

"Oh Teddy," Tonks knelt down next to him and took him in her arms, hugging him tightly. "Teddy, my love, how many times do we have to tell you? George was _not_ upset with you. Not even a little bit."

"But I did make him sad," Teddy mumbled, into his mother's shoulder. "And I wanted to make him nice gingerbread men for his birthday to make him happy and now Hope has ruined them."

"Ok, first of all…" Remus waved his wand. The little gingerbread men were immediately restored of their chocolate eyes and full-grown limbs. "There, all fixed! And you can put the buttons on now, and they will be delicious. And everyone will love them, especially George."

"Secondly, and more importantly." He sat down on a chair and indicated that Teddy should do the same. "Teddy, George was not sad because of _you_. We've explained this all before, haven't we, the actual reason why he was so upset? And it was our fault for not being completely clear about Fred in the first place. And in a few months, before you go to off to Hogwarts, we will tell you everything that happened in more detail, like we promised."

"That's right," Tonks said, coming and sitting down next to him as well. "But the most important thing right now is that you understand that George was not upset with you. He loves you Teddy, OK?"

Teddy just nodded, still blinking hard.

"Now, I need to get ready for work and you can finish your biscuits," Tonks said. "And your dad," she looked meaningfully at Remus, "will make sure your sister is kept occupied until you're done."

Teddy nodded again soberly and returned to the larder to get the coloured buttons.

As he came out with the packet and shut the door, two red haired men grinned and waved down at him from one of the faded photos pinned to it, wearing matching purple hooded sweatshirts, each emblazoned with an orange W, their arms round each other's shoulders. He gazed sadly up at it, trying not to think about the time, several years before, when he had rushed excitedly up to George at a family gathering and told him all about the photo that he had found in his box of baby pictures, a photo that showed _two_ Uncle Georges, one of whom still had both his ears.

o

* * *

o

 **1** **st** **September 2011**

Teddy felt better about his third year than he had about any other start of term so far. He knew the ropes now. He'd be able to go into Hogsmeade. The nerves of the last two years were gone as he looked at the scarlet engine and prepared himself for the new term.

His mother was checking that they hadn't dropped anything off the loaded luggage trolley, but Hope was waving excitedly to a blond women and her three children who were coming down the platform towards them. Tonks also looked up as they approached and grinned cheerfully.

"Heya! Looking forward to starting, Victoire?"

Victoire nodded, her eyes bright. She did not look nearly as nervous as Teddy had felt, when he had been going to school for the first time.

"Where's Remus?" Fleur said to Tonks.

"Working!" Tonks beamed back. "He's been promoted to senior researcher. He loves it, had a busy time of it though! I've been on nights these last two weeks, as well, so we've barely seen each other. Mind you," she looked sympathetically at Fleur. "You'll know what that's like, of course."

Fleur smiled back and shrugged. "Oh, it's not so bad anymore, really. Bill's only gone once every few months now and mostly only for a week or so, although the bank are now talking about him having to spend more time in France. We were actually talking about sending the boys to Beauxbatons, if that's the case, but I'm not sure how well that will go down."

Louis, as if proving her point, was gazing in awe at the scarlet engine, his mouth slightly open and his light grey eyes shining. Dom, meanwhile, watched with deep envy as Hope changed her hairstyle over and over again, taking great delight in showing off. "I _so_ wish I could do that!"

"No need, with hair as lovely as yours!" Tonks exclaimed, and Fleur smiled at her gratefully. It was a slightly sore point that Dom was the only one of her three children to inherit the Weasley red hair and freckles, rather than the distinctive veela silver colouring and cream complexion.

"Well, I'm sure you'll have a great time, and Teddy will be there if you need anything," Tonks was saying to Victoire. "Won't you Ted?"

" _Mum_!" he squirmed a little in embarrassment and felt his cheeks go pink.

"And if you get sorted into Hufflepuff he'll show you the best secret passageways down to the kitchens!"

Victoire just grinned. "Thanks! No offence though, I really want to be in Gryffindor. Like Dad!"

"I think she will be to be honest," Fleur said in an undertone. "She may look like me, but she's her father's daughter through and through!"

Teddy felt a little disappointed by this, although he couldn't quite explain why.

o

* * *

o

 **June 21** **st** **2012**

Teddy was excited as he returned home at the end of another school year. Not only had he had a great term, that evening he would be with his favourite people in the world – his entire extended family - as the Potters threw a party to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary.

They were some of the first to arrive, so much did Teddy and Remus like to be punctual.

"Happy Anniversary!" Remus said, handing Harry a bottle as they got in the door. "I have no idea where those ten years went though!"

"Well, I think I could say the same to you!" Harry exclaimed. " _Fifteen_ years, isn't it? In a couple of weeks?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "You remember!"

"Of course, I remember," Harry laughed. "Or rather, I remember not being there, and being told about it afterwards!"

"So do I," Ginny chipped in, hugging Remus tightly as she too came over to greet them. "I especially remember that my stupid prat of a brother got to go, and I didn't!"

"Maybe we should renew our vows?" Remus said thoughtfully. "Nothing fancy of course, but it would be nice to have the people was actually wanted all there to celebrate with us!"

Tonks's eyes lit up at the idea, but at that moment they were interrupted by the appearance of Harry's youngest son.

"Daddy!" Albus slipped his hand through Harry's and looked up at them, his little face scrunched up. "Daddy, James won't let me play! He says it's for big children only. But I'm only _one month_ younger than Hope." He puffed up at the mere mention of this great injustice.

Teddy looked over to the corner, where James and Roxanne were playing a game with coloured balloons, trying to keep them in the air for as long as possible. Hope, her hair changing colour every time she hit a balloon, had already joined in and was shrieking with excitement as she tried to keep them all from touching the floor.

"Come on!" Teddy said, looking down at Albus, who was glaring over at them. " _I'll_ play with you. We'll make a better game."

Harry smiled gratefully at his godson as he took Albus's hand and led him over to a different pile of balloons, Albus cheering up immediately.

Victoire joined them after a little while as well, and soon Albus was giggling in delight as they rubbed balloons on their head, and made their hair stand on end, Victoire's making a particularly impressive silver halo round her pretty face.

o

* * *

o

 **1** **st** **August 2015**

The letter came in the middle of the summer. Teddy thought that it felt a little bit heavier then normal, but extra words written at the bottom of the parchment and the black and yellow badge that fell out of the envelope were still completely unexpected.

 _Dear Mr Lupin. I_ _t is with great pleasure that I inform you that you have been appointed the position of Head Boy for this coming year at Hogwarts._

"Oh Teddy!"

His mother had come in behind him and spotted the badge in his hand. "Are you? Is that-?"

He just held up the letter to show her, his face split into a delighted but disbelieving smile.

"Remus!" Tonks called. "Remus, come and look! Come and see!"

His father appeared too, and looked equally thrilled at the sight of the badge in Teddy's hand.

"I can't believe it!" Teddy said.

"Well, you are a prefect, after all!" Remus reasoned.

"Yes, but… Head Boy! That's a whole other step!" Teddy was still smiling, but he looked quite anxious. "I have no idea how to be a Head Boy!"

"Well, don't look at me for advice," his mother grinned. "I was far too badly behaved even to be a prefect. And your dad didn't make the final cut either!"

"No, although I'm sure I could tell you a few things not to do! If James Potter Senior is anything to go by," Remus said drily.

"Bill was Head Boy though!" Tonks continued. "And Percy was too. I'm sure if you wanted advice or if you were worried, they could talk to you about it. We could have them round for dinner."

"I don't want _Percy_ to come round!" Hope had appeared from behind them now and padded into the kitchen in her soft slippers and star patterned pyjamas, yawning, her eyes still full of sleep and her bright red hair unbrushed. "He's so boring! When he comes round, he just talks about work and he tells me all about stuff in his office, but I don't care!"

Teddy bit back a grin and looked down at the table to hide it. Their parents, however, were looking stern.

"That's very unkind, Hope," Remus said. "You should feel lucky that Percy always takes the time to come round to see us and speak to you. Especially when he and Audrey have Audrey's parents as well as the girls to look after, on top of everything else. And we've talked about this before, haven't we? How everyone is different, and everyone likes different things?"

"Yes, but-"

"Not to mention that Percy once did a great thing for your dad," Tonks went on, looking at her seriously. "A very great thing indeed. Something that has impacted on our whole family, you included."

Hope's eyes were round as saucers. "What great thing did he do?"

"We'll tell you another time," Remus replied, and his voice was so firm that even Hope did not protest. Teddy was no longer smiling. His parents had sat him down and told him all about The Great War and the Battle of Hogwarts when he was eleven, and he knew they planned on doing the same with Hope next summer. It was not a pleasant story, they had warned him. But as the son of two members of the Order of the Phoenix, not to mention a surrogate member of both the Potter and the Weasley family, he simply had to know about it - and the truthful, first-hand version of it - before starting school.

"Yes," Tonks continued. "When you are a bit older – not much older, mind - we will tell you a lot of important things, and you will understand. But you are not to be rude about Percy like that ever again, or any of the Weasleys for that matter. Family don't talk about each other in that way. Do you hear me?"

Hope nodded, her little heart-shaped face unusually contrite. "Yes. Sorry," she muttered.

Teddy just stared down at his letter again, as Hope, bouncing back from her telling off as she always did, clattered round the kitchen, helping herself to a huge bowl of coloured Fruit Oops and chattering away about inviting Dom and Roxanne round for her birthday in a couple of weeks' time.

"Head Boy," he murmured, looking at the badge. "Wow… I can't wait to tell Gran."

o

* * *

o

 **1** **st** **September 2016**

Teddy watched as James Potter hugged his mother goodbye. It felt odd, this year, not to be getting on the train himself.

"Now, you will look after Hope, won't you?" Ginny said to James, as she released him.

"I don't need looking after!" Hope protested indignantly. She was gazing round in awe at all the goings on, but without the slightest signs of fear or trepidation. "Oh good! There's Dom!"

They all looked a little further down the platform and waved at Dom, who was with Victoire and Louis while Bill, accompanying them today, stood deep in conversation with another parent. Dom's red locks now curled down past her shoulders and her face was brown and very freckly from a summer of intense quidditch rivalry with Fred and Roxanne, in preparation for this year's try-outs. She was beckoning to Hope.

"So... what house is your money on for her?" Ginny asked the Lupins, as Hope went sprinting towards her older friends.

All three of them spoke at the same time, each giving a different answer, before looking at each other in amusement.

"Hufflepuff, like me and Teddy," Tonks repeated insistently. But Remus shook his head.

"Got to be Gryffindor. She's definitely a marauder in the making. Although God forbid her and James being in the same house. Neville will do his nut."

"Well, speaking of God forbid I still think Slytherin," Teddy said, rolling his eyes. "Far too crafty for her own good."

Tonks nudged him and nodded towards Albus, and Teddy hurriedly fell silent at the look on his face. They all knew that, despite being a few weeks too young to attend the school himself this year, he was already terrified of being sorted into Slytherin house. His friends and relatives had all assured him that it wouldn't matter in the slightest which house he was put in, he would still have a wonderful time and they would still be proud of him, but Albus was a worrier and reasonable arguments didn't often stop him fretting. Much like Teddy and Remus, in fact.

"Well good for her if she is," Remus smiled reassuringly at Al. "She adores Roxanne, after all, and Andromeda would be so delighted." But Albus's solemn expression didn't change – he just looked anxiously up at Teddy.

Hope came running back up to them, her hair now changed to Weasley red, streaked with bright orange and gold. "I'm getting on the train now," she informed them. "Dom wants me to sit with her."

"Alright then, come here!" Tonks enveloped her daughter in a hug.

"She's going to show me her quidditch card collection, she's got hundreds!" Hope babbled into her chest, clearly itching to be on her way.

Ginny raised an eyebrow as Hope turned to Albus and gave him a high five, before hugging Lily, who was looking very sad, and promising to write her lots of letters. "No homesickness for this one then!"

Tonks shook her head ruefully. "Not like Teddy. He wouldn't leave my side in his first year until the very last whistle was sounding."

"Cheers Mum." Teddy looked unimpressed, but his eyes twinkled all the same. "In fairness I didn't have my pick of half a dozen surrogate cousins to sit with on the journey, did I?"

"True that," Harry agreed, hugging his own son goodbye as he too made signs of wanting to leave the boring adults behind. "But then Teddy, you were the first of the lot. Nothing to live up to."

"Um...only my godfather and most famous student to ever attend Hogwarts school – Harry Potter?"

They all laughed as Hope finished saying her goodbyes.

"Bye sweetheart," Remus kissed her on top of her colourful head as she hugged him fiercely. "Be good."

"See you at Christmas, Hope-Dope," Teddy ruffled her autumnal hair and she batted him away in mock annoyance, before beaming up at him and squeezing him round the middle too. "Send me a letter or two."

Two seconds later, Hope was gone in an excitable blur, and they watched as Dom and her older sister said their goodbyes too, before the three girls climbed on to the train.

"I suppose you'll miss Victoire, now she's back at school?" Tonks said.

"Why's that?" Teddy said, feigning innocence, but he knew the tips of his hair had gone a little red. The four other adults merely smiled knowingly.

Teddy, looking determinedly in the other direction, caught a glimpse of a few last strands of silvery hair disappearing into the carriage.

o

* * *

o

 **17th** **December 2016**

Teddy sat at the table, idly fiddling with the holly and fresh pine centrepiece. Seated across from him, his grandmother read the letter he had shown her with a proud smile on her face.

A car door slammed outside, and they could instantly hear an excitable stream of chatter coming from the front yard.

"…and Dom's the youngest on the team at the moment, but she and Roxanne both said that if I train loads then I might even get on the team _next_ year, George and Charlie were in their second year, and Harry was right from the start! They said they'll practice with me in the summer at Dom's house, Bill has put up quidditch hoops in their garden..." The door opened and Hope burst in, in a whirl of colour and excitement, her hair falling out of a messy black and pink ponytail, her shirt untucked, her tiny orange pygmy puff, Oompa, bristling on her shoulder. Remus followed behind, dragging her trunk and carrying her sweatshirt over her arm, looking both amused and exhausted.

"Good first term, Dopey?" Teddy asked, as she bounced round the room, hugging first him and then her grandmother.

"So good she didn't want to come back, by the sound of it," Remus grinned, dumping the trunk in the corner of the room and giving his mother-in-law a kiss on the cheek. "Hi, Andromeda."

"Not true," Hope shot back at him. "I'm starving, is there anything to eat?"

"Dinner, in a couple of hours," but as she gazed back at him, unimpressed, he sighed, reaching for a tin on the top shelf.

"I mean… Christmas cake, I'll get you some now."

Five minutes later, Tonks crashed in as well.

"God, what a shift," she sighed, giving her daughter a hug before flinging herself into a chair. "I'm getting too old for this! Is there anything to eat?"

"Like mother, like daughter." Remus tried and failed to look exasperated as he pushed a plate of cake over to her.

Teddy looked round at them all as they sat eating the cake. "I've got something to tell you now you're all here." He held out the letter that his grandmother had given back to him. "I've been accepted. For an internship in St Mungo's research centre. Specialising," he looked meaningfully at his father, "in incurable afflictions."

"Oh Teddy, that's wonderful!" Tonks immediately sprang to her feet and gave him a hug, all signs of exhaustion forgotten.

Remus was also smiling, but Teddy was looking at him anxiously.

"I know you weren't sure about this, Dad."

He held up a hand.

"Teddy, if this is what you want to do, then of course I'm sure. I just wanted to make sure that _you_ were sure. That you were doing it for the right reasons, and that you weren't going to spend your life desperately hoping for something that might not even be possible."

"I am sure," Teddy said firmly. "And I'm realistic. But that doesn't mean I can't try, Dad. A cure must be out there somewhere. I know it."

Remus smiled.

"Then, I could not be prouder or more delighted. And St Mungo's will be lucky to have you."

"Nerd!" Hope looked cheekily up at him, picking up her slab of white icing, which she had peeled off the top of the cake to eat last.

"You were the one sorted into Ravenclaw," he retorted.

"You're still the nerd though! OK, can we decorate the tree now?" She jumped up, still chewing the mouthful of sticky sugar, brushing the crumbs off her lap.

"But we already did it," Remus said solemnly. "We didn't think you would want to help this year."

Pure dismay crossed her face for a fraction of a second, before she caught sight of Teddy's laughing eyes.

"Everything's laid out ready," he assured her. "We would never do it without you."

The lights in the living room window glowed a warm, rich yellow, framing the Christmas tree as it was gradually transformed from bare branches into bright decoration; messy, unsubtle and colourful, just as it always was. Outside, snow had begun to fall.

o

* * *

o

 **1** **st** **September 2017**

Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year.

Teddy ignored the hustle and bustle going on around him as he said an enjoyable goodbye to Victoire. He had indeed missed her very much during her sixth year at school and would be missing again this year.

" _Eww!_ " A loud squeal from behind him finally made him look round. His little sister and James Potter were goggling at him from behind a stone pillar.

"What'cha doing?" Hope asked, in a sing song voice.

"Seeing Victoire off, of course." He glared at her.

"But you're _snogging_!" James looked quite revolted.

Hope was now giggling, looking more mischievous than ever today with her bright blue hair in bunches and her eyes a vivid amber colour. "Teddy and Victoire sitting in a tree. K.I.S.S.I-"

"Dom was looking for you," Victoire said pointedly to Hope, cutting over her. "She managed to get you that scarf you wanted."

Hope grinned wickedly and vanished, and with one final disgusted look at the pair of them, James scampered off as well.

Further along, Teddy could see his mother and father chatting animatedly to Ginny, Ron and Hermione as James ran towards them. Little Albus was deep in conversation with Harry, clutching his satchel at his side. If one looked closely at it, they would see the little badger pin fastened to the fake leather. " _I want to be a Hufflepuff, like you and Aunt Dora_ ," Albus had confessed anxiously a few days before, and Teddy had given him the little pin yesterday evening, for luck.

Doors were starting to slam all along the platform.

Once on the train, Victoire waved at him from the carriage she had just entered with a few fellow Gryffindors. A couple of carriages down, Dom and Hope both poked their heads out the window, now wearing matching _quidditch edition_ Ravenclaw scarfs. Roxanne, looking incredibly striking with her black hair contrasting against her own green and silver scarf, did the same. Hope stuck her tongue out at Teddy, and he returned the gesture with enthusiasm.

Albus and Rose had both boarded the train now too, and as their parents went up to the window to say goodbye, Teddy could see his own mother and father approaching to catch a last glimpse of their daughter before the train pulled away from the station.

Tonks slipped an arm round her son's waist as she reached him, and the three of them waved vigorously at Hope. She waved back and pulled one final face before retreating her bright head into the carriage to resume her conversation with her friends.

Steam began to puff from the engine.

o

* * *

Like soap bubbles. One minute, clear as crystal, then suddenly swirling with different colours, then next second, gone.

For a long time, Teddy had told no one at all. He didn't want people thinking he was crazy, after all. And God forbid they thought him as some kind of psychic. He knew what most of his extended family, from his Grandmother Dromeda right down to prim little Lucy Weasley, would have thought of _that_.

But he had once confessed to his godfather that he saw them. He hadn't been able to help it. They weren't daydreams, he hastened to clarify. His grandmother had raised him with more practicality than to spend his waking life lost in thoughts about _could-have-beens_ and _might-have-beens_. And they certainly, most definitely were _not_ trances. They were more like memories, flashes of instant knowledge which burst suddenly into his mind, so vivid, for those few seconds, that he knew every detail, as if the scenes could actually have happened, or be happening right now, as if they were… real.

He had told Harry because the moment had presented itself, and because his godfather had always been there with his sensible, solid advice, always listening, never laughing, and Teddy was not afraid to talk to him the way he was with some people. Sure enough, Harry had sat there and listened intently, compassion and warmth in his face as Teddy recounted, with difficulty, what he sometimes saw. Or thought he saw.

"I know it must sound so stupid," he finished, embarrassed. "I do know they're _not_ real, of course."

And odd expression flitted through his godfather's bright green eyes. "And what makes you say they're not real?" he said simply.

Teddy mulled over this, not quite sure how to respond. "Well… they can't be… I know that they can't be. Anyone would know that. And I know no one else can see them and they're entirely in my own head… so therefore they must be completely… not real."

Harry gave him a small, sad smile, and placed a hand on his godson's shoulder. "I was told something once, a long time ago, under rather unusual circumstances," he said. "And now I think it is time I told you the same thing. Why on earth should something not be real, just because it is happening in your head?"

Teddy felt unconvinced. He had a feeling that his godfather was just humouring him and was rather wishing that he hadn't said anything at all.

"Are they real to _you_?" Harry asked.

Teddy pondered this intently too, but Harry, it seemed, did not want an actual spoken response.

"That is the only question that matters," he finished. "And only you need to answer it."

* * *

 **1** **st** **September 2017**

Teddy rolled his eyes at James Potter's retreating back as he scurried off to join the rest of his family. He could see them in the distance. Albus Potter was looking around nervously, fiddling with a strap on his bag, while Rose Weasley had already pulled out a book and was leafing through it, clearly checking some piece of information that she felt she should know before even boarding the train. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were talking and laughing, while Lily and Hugo played a very restricted game of tag around the suitcases and trolleys, stopping only to give their siblings a goodbye hug when the warning train whistle sounded.

While Victoire checked she had everything in her bags, he watched in amusement as the young Potter-Weasley clan boarded the train, rowdy and chaotic as ever. Harry knelt down beside Albus as he hung back for a last talk before getting on. Teddy could see the little silver pin that had once belonged to Lyall Lupin on his satchel, gleaming in the sun.

Doors were starting to slam all along the platform.

"Bye, Vic," Teddy said, a little sadly, as she straightened up and gave him a last hug. "See you in Hogsmeade in a few weeks."

"One more year!" she said, looking up at him with bright eyes. "Then I'll be able to see you all the time! And if I pass all my NEWTs, hopefully I'll be starting at St Mungo's as well!"

She gave him a final kiss and ruffled his turquoise hair affectionately before boarding the train.

Steam began to puff from the engine.

Teddy lifted his hand in response to his girlfriend waving merrily from the window, her beautiful silvery hair blowing around her face in the breeze. Two carriages down, Dom and Roxanne Weasley both looked up from a discussion with some fourth-year friends as the train began to pull away. Roxanne slid the window open to say goodbye properly, and Dom's Ravenclaw scarf - blue patterned with bronze broomsticks - unravelled a little as she too stuck her head out and grinned cheerfully at Teddy. There was, of course, no cheeky little face in between the two older girls, sporting a matching scarf, hair in bright blue bunches, sticking her tongue out at him. And he wasn't about to turn round to see a gentle faced man and a lively woman with shocking pink hair standing beside him and waving too. Rather, by the sound of it, he was about to be ambushed by a very excitable Lily Potter and Hugo Weasley. He could hear them both squealing his name over the sound of thudding footsteps.

But he smiled all the same as the train rounded the corner and he lowered his hand. As the steam from the engine cleared, a small curl of cloud drifted across the clear, forget-me-not blue sky. It passed directly over the sun and glowed a little, blindingly bright in the centre, where the sunlight was trying its best to break through, a pinkish hue appearing around its edges, most unusual for this time of day. Teddy gazed at it for a final few seconds before turning round enthusiastically to greet his younger friends, silently answering Harry's question from their conversation a few years before.

_Of course they are._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: Thank you so much to those who have read/commented/left kudos, and I hope you enjoyed the story. As mentioned in the previous chapter, I have started writing another story, which is AU but sort of follows on from this one. I never intended to write anything AU but after having the idea for this epilogue, it wasn't enough to give the Lupin family the life they should have had in just one chapter.
> 
> The story will be called Fragments of Hope. Updates will be less frequent than for this one, but I do have the first chapter written and will probably upload it in the next couple of days to incentivise me to continue with it in the new year.
> 
> Thanks again for reading! All the best for the end of 2020.
> 
> x Kaleidoskye x


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